[ SECRET POST #2640 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2640 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #377.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[elialshadowpine]

I am diagnosed ASD and I personally have quite a lot of empathy -- too much, sometimes. I just don't always know what to DO. I sometimes get it right... and sometimes very much NOT right. It isn't difficult for me to read people, to tell what they're feeling, or to emphasize (and sometimes the emphasizing can actually make responding difficult) at all... it's just that it's like in my head I have a rulebook for how to respond to situations, and, well, that rulebook isn't right for every person. Does that make some sense?

I have known a LOT of autistics who are the same as myself... but that being said, almost all the ones I know are women, and they HAVE found that autism (like ADD/ADHD) presents differently in women. So, I don't know if that is a factor in differing experiences. That said, I'd still be very hesitant to apply that across the board to all autistics, regardless of gender.

[elialshadowpine]

Yeah, my sister (who is also autistic) is that way. She really can't pick up on when people are not interested in whatever subject it is that she's chattering about. And I can see her doing what you describe -- but I don't think it's a lack of empathy so much as it is a difficulty expressing it in a way that other people understand.

I have ADD as well so I tend to think... really, really fast. Which is helpful in ways with social stuff because it means I can think of and dismiss ideas until I come up with something that I think will work. It also depends on the person too. Because I have difficulty with social cues, I pay a lot of attention to individual people (probably more than people realize, considering my memory and cognitive issues) and I try to... hm, if this makes sense, custom-tailor my reaction to them? Sometimes I can get this flat-wrong, and fuck up.

Something I see some other folks with ASD do is apply the same reaction to everyone, and that doesn't work. I have learned to be hyperaware, in a way, of details about people. This is going to be a weird analogy but like Spreadsheet!Anon but in my head (except not creepy). It kinda goes with the rulebook metaphor. So even if it doesn't come to me naturally, I can put the things that I know about the individual together with the reactions that I have "listed" so to speak and figure out which is best likely to work. It just happens at sorta hyperspeed.

It's not been easy, it's not come naturally, and I didn't really even know about ASD until the last five years or so and I didn't even think it applied to me until the last couple, so it's just been something I have had to muddle my way through. It seems to work! But it's very logical, in a way, how I figure out how to react to things properly.

And aw, thank you so much. I don't comment all that frequently, and because of my chronic night-owlism, I'm usually posting long after everyone else has wandered off, so I don't expect most people to see my comments (particularly if I respond to an anon). I really appreciate what you said very much; I really have mostly been winging this and hoping I'm doing okay so it made me smile to hear you say that. :)

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, I do this exact same thing! I have my little mental book where I mark down people's reactions to things so I can try to respond appropriately in the future. (I also default to apologizing constantly just in case lol.) I described it to a friend as living in a country where you don't speak the language, and there's a lot of regional dialect differences, so you mark down the linguistic differences in your basic language handbook and try to roll with it.