[ SECRET POST #2643 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2643 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[kaijinscendre]

If I have learned anything in my life, it is that it is really hard to make friends once you leave high school/college and especially if you move to a state where you know no one.

[queerwolf]

This so much. I'm embarrassed when I think about how I've lived in my current town for almost a year now and don't have friends beyond the people I moved here with. I have a couple acquaintances but no one I hang out and do things with. it's hard to meet new people when I don't have my own car or disposable income.

[kaijinscendre]

No one beyond my sister. I have some coworkers but they like going to bars and such (which I don't enjoy). So I just have no friends here. :(

[(Anonymous)]

I'm always having to remind myself that my co-workers and neighbors who seem to have such rich social lives grew up here or went to college here and as far as I can tell, they have no significant friendships that formed after college (except possibly people they met through a significant other).

Not being from around here, it's normal that I wouldn't have the same kind of strong social connections and I need to keep striving not to feel like a loser about it while finding creative ways to make friends (so far, the "go places," "take a class," and "volunteer" suggestions haven't panned out).

[(Anonymous)]

I never made a friend in university, and I was there for 7 years... My (3) high school friends did and that's who I know now. (I dread conversations where people figure this out about me.)
I think my fantasy is that in a new place I'd find it easier to make connections, because my lack of casual friendships would seem more natural?

[kaijinscendre]

I wish you lived near me. :(

[(Anonymous)]

Dude, if only it was that easy :( The eternal "how do you friendship".

[kaijinscendre]

I have actually googled how to make friends as an adult.

[thistlechaser]

Heh. I did as well. (It didn't help. ; ; )

[(Anonymous)]

oh no, I thought I was the only one!

[(Anonymous)]

Befriend your coworkers or neighbors. It's what us old people did back in the day.

[kaijinscendre]

My coworkers just like going to bars. And my neighbors are abandoned house, abandoned house, abandoned house, two family apartment that may be occupied by vampires (seriously, I have never seen those people out during the day).

[(Anonymous)]

da

Sounds like you have a temporarily bad hand on that one. :( Generally, though, you can do the same thing as high school/college in terms of friendships: meet through necessity, build from there.

[caecilia]

um okay so why haven't you befriended the vampires

they might make you a vampire too then you never have to worry about anything

[kaijinscendre]

They may be drug dealer vampires.

[caecilia]

oh ew

[(Anonymous)]

Speaking as someone who has moved several times, the usual way is indeed co-workers and neighbors. The fact that your co-workers are not the type of people with whom you can socialize says more about your job and co-workers than about your approach to the problem of making friends.

Either the company or the department or your co-workers are not right: if your job and your company really suited you, you would find some compatible co-workers, even if it takes you a year or two.

Note: I lived for a while in the UK where my co-workers tended to go to the pub (while I don't drink, so... ) but we simply gossiped a lot at work and at the pub (overpriced orange juice or soda, here I come!) so it did not prevent me from making casual friends even though if going out it was always to the pub or the odd wine bar.

Same with neighbors: I have rarely made friends with neighbors, but I have often made friends with my housemates. Co-location is often a great way to keep your costs down and find accommodations with better locations and nicer furnishings while making true friends. If you are lucky of course. Seriously, give co-location a try, you may be pleasantly surprised.

[(Anonymous)]

And speaking as someone who has met a few people at conventions: I really don't recommend them as places to find friends. To meet online friends by appointment, yes. To meet strangers hoping your common interests will lead to friendship? No.

On the contrary, I would recommend you be extra careful when meeting strangers at fandom conventions unless they are pre-existing online friends.