[ SECRET POST #2643 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2643 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 075 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: fandom friend advice

[(Anonymous)]

So let me get this straight. You don't want to blog a response that contains your precious, 100% original thoughts. Instead, you want to use your friend (and let's be clear, she's doing you a favor by being there to listen to you vent over stuff you don't want to air publicly) as an agony aunt to discuss them. You're upset that your friend shares the fruit of your discussions and presents them implicitly as though they're her precious, 100% original thoughts. But you don't want her to credit you by name.

Once, I had a cupcake I didn't want to eat for reasons. I left it on the kitchen counter. My roommate loves cupcakes and would like to eat that cupcake, but you know, it was my cupcake and even if I didn't want to eat it, I didn't want her to eat it, either. I'd prefer to let it just sit there and go stale, so that the only person who benefits from the cupcake is me. What do I get out of a cupcake I don't want to eat? Why, the pride of ownership knowing it's mine and nobody else can eat it, of course.

Was that selfish of me?

I think it's more that I feel used on these occasions, as if someone I trusted has started taking advantage of my private openness with her to piggyback on my thoughts without even saying anything so simple as "I just had a conversation with a friend and wound up feeling like such-and-such afterwards." It feels sort of like she's being intellectually dishonest and using me to do it.

You know how you could fix this problem easily? By not using this person as your sounding board for discussion. There. Done. You've robbed her of your precious, 100% original thoughts and she no longer has material for her reblogs.

Ahhh, but then you'd have to do without your outlet of frustration, wouldn't you? Well, that's what you have to decide. If she's your best friend, you need to find the guts to talk to her about this in a way that doesn't sound so defensive or territorial. Good luck.

Re: fandom friend advice

[(Anonymous)]

wooooowwww, do you view every conversation you have with friends as doing them a FAVOR by listening to them? what a sad fucking life you must have.

no. wait. what sad fucking lives anyone who's stupid enough to consider you a friend must have.

your analogy is also fucking stupid. this sounds more like OP made cupcakes and friend came along who doesn't even fucking LIKE cupcakes. but while they're shooting the shit as friends do about OP spending the day baking OP talks about how she feels about cupcakes so friend tries one. she unexpectedly enjoys it. then she goes and posts on tumblr about how she just had this delicious cupcake in a way that imlies she made the fucking cupcake in the first place.

OP: yes, you have to choose between letting it go, letting it fester, or talking to her. them's the breaks. just don't listen to assholes like this though about whether you're being irrational. sometimes it's the very faith we put in our friends that makes small slights hurt more than they should. that doesn't mean anything other than you're human and relationships are complicated and confusing since we can't read each other's minds.

Re: fandom friend advice

[(Anonymous)]

If I'm venting about a topic that "gets under my skin" on a regular basis to a friend, then yes, they are doing me a favor by listening. This is a nice thing that friends do for one another, but here's what you don't seem to get: it takes time and it's emotionally draining to be someone's outlet for their frustrations. It is NOT something people owe you, and OP should recognize that the friend is indeed doing them a favor by being a sympathetic ear.

If you don't understand that, then I suspect it's you who are the crappy friend, not me.

The analogy stands. We only have the OP's word for it that the friend doesn't really like cupcakes and just wants to eat them for attention. But if the cupcake is a cupcake that the OP isn't going to eat and doesn't want to eat, then it's silly for them to call dibs on it when someone else is willing and wants to eat it. Whether or not the friend actually like cupcakes is irrelevant.

Re: fandom friend advice

[(Anonymous)]

You sound like a real great friend. A fantastic human being, too. I bet you enrich the lives of everyone you bless with your attention.

Re: fandom friend advice

[(Anonymous)]

OP is being a bit silly, yes. But you're being an asshole, and your idea of friendship is fucked up.