Case (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
case) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
fandomsecrets2014-03-30 03:34 pm
case) wrote in fandomsecrets2014-03-30 03:34 pm
[ SECRET POST #2644 ]
⌈ Secret Post #2644 ⌋
Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.
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Notes:
Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 062 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.
Re: SOs, Fetishes, and You!
Even for fetishistic people, for the most part their wants in fantasy are different from their wants in reality. If I found out that a partner's wants in reality didn't mesh with mine (after having tried it out), then that would probably be cause for a mutual ending of a relationship and I would consider that pretty fair.
It sounds like you didn't do that though. You just assumed that their actual wants were the same as their fantasies and ended it on that basis alone. That's not bullying, but it's a very narrow-minded assumption and it might not have been called for. Depending on how you did it, it might also have been pretty hurtful.
Re: SOs, Fetishes, and You!
(Anonymous) 2014-03-31 04:00 am (UTC)(link)1) Your openness makes you very attractive to me. It's probably not a good idea to note this, but I am going to note it anyway, because...yeah.
2) I disagree with your assessment. Based on the information given, it seems like the individual in question was obsessed with his/her fetish, as evidenced by the fact that it's all s/he apparently wanted to talk about. Even were I in a relationship with someone who shared a fetish of mine, I would not want to talk about it all the time, and I would probably break up with someone who did.
In other words, I think the anon ended the relationship less on the basis of the SO's wants/fantasies and more on the basis of the SO's inability to focus on anything else.
Re: SOs, Fetishes, and You!
2) Rather than try to read into anything about the supposed behaviour of the ex in question (we only have one side of the story) my attempt here was to impartially answer OP's question and provide perspective.
It's often hard to think rationally about something when you're having an intense emotional reaction to it, and I suspect this was the case here. It's also easy to conflate "this thing is repulsive to me" with "because I think this thing is repulsive the people who like it are bad/repulsive", and it's important to understand that this is almost never the case. Just to repeat (because it is so very important) even with very extreme fetishes, fantasy desires are rarely exactly the same as desires for real life experiences.
I'm not saying OP was wrong to break up with said ex, however their thought processes and actions regarding the break up are probably something they need to personally examine, as well as their methods of communication about sexual needs for future partners.