fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2646 ]

[ SECRET POST #2646 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2646 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Free! Iwatobi Swim Club]

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03.

[Love so Life]

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04.

[the last leg]

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05.

[Karen Gillian/Doctor Who]

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06.

[True Detective]

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07.

[Yume Nikki]

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08.

[Black Dagger Brotherhood Series]

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09.

[Mass Effect]

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11.

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 040 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

My parents keep my account healthy...as long as I live the way they want me to. And thanks to a cacophony of various mental illnesses, there's little chance I'll ever be able to say no to that. Not without them telling me how, every step of the way.

That actually sounds like a pretty sweet deal. Though I admit I'm coming from a place on the very opposite spectrum so parents and money sounds good at nearly any cost.

Real advice: Stop giving away the money, save it up for your future. Find a therapist and talk this stuff out, figure out how to create a support network and figure out how to slowly make the step from where you are now to a life on your own. Your parents aren't the only ones who can advise you.

Depending on your mental illnesses you could even get a guardian/mentor/caretaker to help you out with certain steps and life stuff you can't do on your own.

If you want your life to change, change it. You've at least got what sounds like a stable place to live and a good source of income, which is a huge step up and will make things so much easier. Good luck.

I see where you're coming from. They give me so much financially, it's no wonder it took me eighteen years to realize how abusive the situation is. But it is, and I have to leave, and maybe there is a way out someday, but from day to day I can't see it. I can't see it. And they're the only ones who can handle me, so even if I were young enough to be taken away, it would only make things worse.

I want out, but nobody wants me, so what's the point? How much better can it be to be completely alone?

DA

So why do you need somebody to want you? Wouldn't you be better off focusing on wanting better for yourself? Especially if the people you're giving money to see you as an endless cash machine and don't reciprocate in any way.

SA

Yeah, I realized afterwards how callous and generally not helpful my first part of my reply was. I'm just in a pretty awful place myself, but I didn't mean to belittle your struggle or anything.

Maybe set up a daily reminder or daily affirmation for why you're going to change things and why you want to get out. Just something little you can look at or read and it will bolster yourself to keep going. Because it definitely sounds like you need to make a change in your life.

Why are your parents "the only ones who can handle you"? Is there a reason you aren't able to handle yourself? Is it the mental illness you mentioned? Or is it something they told you repeatedly until it was stuck in your head? Or a mix of the two?

I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything, I'm genuinely curious.

If you want your life to change, change it.

Pretty much this, as harsh as it sounds. Though I disagree with the anon above me, I can see how your income is unstable right now, being at your parents' whim. Get some volunteer experience, then get out there and start job-hunting. Then you really will have a stable income.

a cacophony of various mental illnesses

Are you sure about that? I think most diagnosable disorders tend to preclude other ones (unless you self-diagnose from the Internet, which I don't think applies to you), and a lot of what is in the DSM these days is basically "a variation on our concept of what is normal, let's throw drugs at it," at least the "Shopping Disorder" or "Excessive Happiness Syndrome" certainly are.

That said. People with legit full-blown schizophrenia can still live productive lives, albeit if they have a whole lot of support. But that doesn't sound like your situation at all. Has someone convinced you that you can't get a job? If you are in the US, the ADA legislation says otherwise, if you have been diagnosed with legit mental disorders, by a legit doctor (some shrinks are, other shrinks...are not...). If you can do that, then you can break free of the reliance on your parents putting money in your bank account.

Multiple severe emotional disorders on top of each other, as well as (diagnosed) autism. I've been convinced I can't have a job mainly by the fact that I have panic attacks whenever I try. And those were all high school jobs. An hour a week at most, a fifth of minimum wage...and I still couldn't do it.

DA

I've had, and occasionally still have, panic attacks and I have definitely held down jobs. You just might have to think outside the box a bit. Panic attacks can be dealt with and learned methods. If your current therapist isn't helping with any of the issues you've mentioned in this whole thread, I'd suggest finding a new therapist. This one obviously isn't doing anything for you.

You say "I've been convinced" -- that sounds like others have told you that you can't do it, and it turned into a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also, the autism diagnosis thing has been steadily getting sketchier and sketchier, if you read up on the articles/research papers about it by those who don't toe the party of line of "UNPRECEDENTED EPIDEMICCCCCC" yada yada. /JMO

Try volunteering, first. The pressure isn't so great, you can set your own hours, try and find an organization you identify with (Autism Society, or the equivalent in your area), and you may be able to eventually desensitize yourself up to enough hours per week that you can work a part-time job at. And if you're making it to classes, at least you're not completely house-bound/shut-in, so that's one thing, right?

Do you live in a city or near a university? Volunteer jobs can be flexible. It depends on the organization. You might even be able to find something to do from home, if that would help keep stress low. Can you talk to your therapist about possibilities?

You can also talk to volunteer organizations about what kinds of issues you might have, what things stress you and what you can contribute. Some organizations will be happy to accommodate you and work with you, and some won't -- but it can't hurt to ask, and might cut down on a lot of potential sources of stress.

What sorts of jobs did you take that left you with panic attacks? Were they customer service type jobs? Custodial? Clerical? Other type of work? Or was just the thought of having the job in general that freaked you out?

If it's the type of job, maybe try to find work in an area that doesn't, well, trigger so much?

If your parents have access to your bank account set up a separate private account and start funneling a little bit of that money in there. Slowly build up a nest egg as you figure out how to slowly build up your independence as well. It might take awhile, but it's better than sitting still when you're obviously not happy. Don't give up!

NAYRT

"Setting up a private account" is really difficult when you're so dependent on other people, especially if they have power/authority over you.

Do you mean really difficult psychologically or legally? Because I'm pretty sure if OP is an adult with ID they can go in and open up an account by themselves. If you mean psychologically otoh, then yeah. After reading some of their other replies it sounds like it might be difficult for OP to manage, but I still think it's a solid thing for them to attempt.

DA

I agree with this. Plus, managing to overcome the hurdle should increase OP's confidence/comfort levels immensely. Everyone opens their first bank account sometime in their lives; the bank tellers/managers probably see half a dozen people a day doing just that. So don't worry they'll think you don't know what you're doing, OP; you won't be the first one, and you won't be the last...but after you do accomplish it, then that's one thing you will have done, for yourself, and by yourself. The only way to do it is, as cliche as the Nike ad sounds, "Just do it!"

AYRT

I guess I mean psychologically/physically. The following are all purely hypothetical situations and instances of abuse, but:

If anon has to rely on parents to go places and they want to know why she wants to go to the bank and don't agree with her opening a private account, they can refuse to take her.

The same is true if they hold on to her ID ("to keep it safe") or if she doesn't actually have a state-issued ID, she'd need her social security card and/or birth certificate to get one. Which, cue the same sitch.

Basically, if her parents want to keep her under their thumb, getting out and even taking the steps to get out -- short of getting help from protection groups, which if this is the situation, anon should definitely do -- is really super difficult.

AYRT

Ah, I see what you mean and did not think about these angles at all! You are right that it could in fact be a very difficult thing to do and I hope OP isn't in that bad a situation. :(

If you feel comfortable saying: what does "live the way they want you to" mean in this context, and what would you do if you could please yourself?

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2646 ]

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