fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2649 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2649 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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04. http://i.imgur.com/eD4bGbG.jpg
[frozen, full nudity]

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[AlternateHistory.com : Malê Rising]

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[Amelie]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Superior Spider-Man]

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12. [SPOILERS for Believe]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

13. [WARNING for rape]

[Orwell]

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14. [WARNING for rape]

[Colditz]

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15. [WARNING for child molestation]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Because I'm in the same "what is love and am I feeling it?" boat as secret!OP, but it doesn't stop at romantic love. My emotions tend to feel very dull to me, and ironically enough, my incapacity for romantic love was the easiest to deal with. Despite my existential angst, my boyfriend has been largely accepting of my whole situation, that when I hesitate to tell him I love him, it's not because I don't love him so much as I just don't really know what it is, given that I can't really differentiate what I feel for him from the same kind of "I care for you" feeling I have for most of my friends and family.

But then, if love is just 'caring' for someone, then how does this accommodate the care I feel for complete strangers, passing acquaintances, fictional characters, etc.? Because it doesn't feel all that different - at most, a change in quantity (at most). I'm fairly certain I don't love random strangers I meet and want to help, so apparently I don't love my family? I would like to think I do, but given that I am well aware that I also not sure if I would ever sacrifice myself for them without thought and that there are even limits to how much I put their needs before mine before I start to look out for myself again, apparently not. Some people agree. Others just say it's survival skills running up against love - which is often very counter-productive to self-preservation - and that having a limit of love doesn't change what it is.

It's not exactly a big deal - it has yet to really interfere much in my relationships with anyone - but it does still leave the door open for some occasional existential angst.

tl;dr - I won't speak for OP, but I know that when I say "I don't know what love is", it's not just romantic love, and at least as far as myself goes I'm still not sure about it.

I think the media concept of "romantic love" is largely a myth. You might find Irvin Yalom worth a read if you've never heard of him. One of his books is called "Love's Executioner" (or maybe destroyer, can't remember) it's about existential therapy and getting people to look at reality rather than the fantasies they've built based on a thing which is largely a construct and not actually a "real" thing.

It sounds to me like you are being a realist. So many people put up with horrible abusive relationships, because they believe that they must be in love, and that it's the most important thing, rather than being able to stand outside and reflect, which is exactly what you are doing.

To me if love is anything it's a really strong form of like, you like some people more than others and some to the extent where it's unconditional. I don't feel we should have to love just because someone is family for example, if they are cruel and hateful, why on earth are we supposed to love them. To me one of the problems is this automatic assumption that we must love relatives.

Well, what would you feel if a stranger died? And what would you feel if a member of your family died? Would it be the same feeling? If so, then... maybe you really don't love your family?

I figure love is just a general sense of attachment and connectedness between people that comes in a variety of forms. I figure I can basically judge how much I love something based on how much losing that bond would hypothetically hurt me. If I lose and object I love, chance are I'll be upset, but then I get over it. If I lose a pet, it hurts a lot more and lasts longer, and it can still make me hurt years after. If I lost a friend or family member or my SO (doesn't have to be death. A major falling out counts)... man, it hurts a lot just to think about it.

Therein lies a problem: I've had to fight tears when hearing about deaths of people I never knew (i.e. deaths on the news from major armed conflicts, exploited labor deaths from working with Human Rights Watch, etc.)...then I was completely apathetic when my own grandfather died - and while we were never close, I was a lot closer to him than to random people on the other side of the planet I've never met in my life.

Meanwhile, I can't just think about something to engender a feeling. I don't feel anything at the thought of losing someone, or the memory of them, even if I know (in the case of memories) I sure as hell felt something back then. I don't feel anything now, and as such I don't really trust my imagined feelings for hypothetical situations.

I fully expect that I will eventually drift away from my current set of friends and boyfriend due to different circumstances and life plans and am apathetic to that possibility for its own sake, but I feel a vague sense of guilt that the ones who lean heavily on me right now may need someone in the future and I will not be there. I have no problem with drifting far away enough from my parents that I never speak to them again, but dread the idea of them being unhappy or hurt. I really, really want all my families' pets to be taken care of and treated well, but I don't want to do that myself.

All of this goes back to my original problem - the criteria that people keep using to try to define love never quite seem to fit or help because somehow, they're asking about what type of fruit is hanging from the tree while my problem is a vegetable in the ground.

[ SECRET POST #2649 ]

But where does non-romantic love fit into this?

Re: But where does non-romantic love fit into this?

Re: But where does non-romantic love fit into this?

Re: But where does non-romantic love fit into this?