fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2649 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2649 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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04. http://i.imgur.com/eD4bGbG.jpg
[frozen, full nudity]

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[AlternateHistory.com : Malê Rising]

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[Amelie]

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[ ----- SPOILERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

11. [SPOILERS for Superior Spider-Man]

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12. [SPOILERS for Believe]

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[ ----- TRIGGERY SECRETS AHEAD ----- ]

13. [WARNING for rape]

[Orwell]

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14. [WARNING for rape]

[Colditz]

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15. [WARNING for child molestation]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #378.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I was in deep denial for a long time. I told myself that the reason I hadn't had a crush on any guys in middle school or high school was because I preferred older guys, but I didn't seek them out because even then I thought any older guy who would want to date high school me was creepy. So I told myself that things would change when I got to college or even older. All through this I blocked out any thoughts I had about girls. I told myself that I wasn't attracted to certain girls, I just wished I looked like them or that a character I had a crush on was just one that I really enjoyed.

So that sort of thing does happen. It's possible that it's what's going on with you. I don't know what to tell you though. It's something you're just going to have to keep thinking about until you find an answer that satisfies you. Even if that answer turns out to be "I don't know what I am but this is what I want to do right now". You don't need to be 100% sure. I'm still open to the idea that I might crush on a guy someday but for now I'm fairly secure in identifying as homoromantic. I hope you can get to a place where you feel less anxious about this.

But I know it's really hard to try to separate your thoughts from the expectations that people in your life and just society in general puts on all of us. It's hard to separate what you want from what you feel like you should want.

I feel like I am in some sort of denial (hence the title of this post!) I'm just not sure what kind.

When I was a teenager I wasn't particularly interested in guys or girls (though I didn't know there was a name for it at the time) but I knew I was expected to date boys, so I did date the one guy, had sex with him, and it wasn't too long after the relationship ended that I first read about asexuality. I thought I probably was but I figured as long as I didn't claim the label there was still the chance that I would turn out 'normal' eventually but now I feel like I'm just kidding myself and I need to accept the reality.

I know a lot of people say there's nothing wrong with being asexual and it's totally fine, so I'm trying to believe that but then there's the part of me that does think it's a problem that needs to be cured so I can be 'normal'. And in the middle of all this I'm trying to learn more about it and coming across the concept that romantic attraction is separate from sexual attraction and I think that maybe that's the missing piece I haven't quite gotten. In all my confusion I'd never really considered that maybe I was actually interested in women because I was never interested in them sexually, but like I said before, when I think back on the way I've felt about certain girls in the past, with the idea that it's possible to have romantic feelings without sexual ones, it starts to make sense.

So then I think ok, I should date a girl, but then I come back to feeling like *any* sort of romantic relationship is not something I'm interested in. But I'm not sure if I genuinely feel that way or I'm just telling myself I do because I don't feel like the people around me would approve of me dating a girl (even if they've given me no reason to think that way). And then there's the (most likely?) asexual aspect and the fact that the likelihood of finding someone compatible probably isn't that high and then I think well maybe I'm just using not being able to find someone compatible as an excuse because if that was what I *really* wanted, I would find it somehow, and so I must not really want it after all.

So there are just all these various thoughts floating around in my mind and I'm not sure how to fit all the pieces together, and I think you're right...I think the reason for that is that it's really hard to sort out what it is I *actually* want vs. what I think I *should* want.

[ SECRET POST #2649 ]

Re: I think I'm in denial about my sexuality

Re: I think I'm in denial about my sexuality