fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2661 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2661 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Injustice: Gods Among Us]

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[Game of Thrones]

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[William Shakespeare's Titus Andronicus]

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[Welcome to Night Vale]

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[Crown of Stars]

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[Game of Thrones]

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[Blade Runner/Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?]

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[LOST]

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[Riff-Raff, Rocky Horror Picture Show]

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[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]

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[Breaking Bad]

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[Problem Sleuth]

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[Doctor Who]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 034 secrets from Secret Submission Post #380.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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^^

Srsly, I'm 25 yrs old my mum is the most supportive woman in the universe and there's not a chance that she'll freak out or hate me or whatever but I can't seem to tell her. I'm terrified of it which is so stupid.

Help?

It's not stupid.

But, it's also different for everyone. I know I tried a bunch of times before I finally did it and...idk, I just did it when I felt I was ready. Watching youtube videos on how to come out helped a bit.

Nike slogan.

There's never going to be a "perfect" moment to tell someone this. Some people choose to write a letter that explains what they want to say, others just choose a moment where things feel relaxed and say what they need to say. Some people decide the least painful way to do it is to make an announcement at a big family get-together or tell the person who is likely to tell everyone else in order to get it out to as many people at once... other people choose to tell each person they feel they can trust individually in order to maintain more control over who knows what information about them.

There's no wrong or right way to come out to someone or a group of people. Being the shithead rebel kid I was, the way I came out to my dad (who had made some offhand comments about how everyone would hate me if I was gay) was by kissing another bloke in front of him, in public, to show him how much nobody gave a shit.

I just walked into the kitchen one afternoon and told my mom, out of the blue. No build up, no hinting, nothing.

It doesn't matter how you do it. It's just two words, minimum, and then it's over. And it's not that scary, I promise.

It's not stupid, and you should accept that it's okay to be nervous even in your circumstances. I think it might be better to be nervous and then everything goes great then the opposite.

About 6 years ago I decided to tell my mom I'm bi. I wasn't nervous beforehand: all my friends knew, I didn't live with her, and I thought I wouldn't be too bothered by what I predicted to be a mild reaction. Well, it didn't go great and I turned into a nervous wreck halfway through because of how she reacted. Immediately I wanted to take it back, but later on? I was and still am happy I told her.

I don't have any good advice because that made me scared to this day to tell my somewhat homophobic dad and brothers... But what I can tell you is this: you feel such relief once you finally say it, even when it doesn't go that well - which doesn't sound like your case. Best of luck, anon :*

I don't even remember coming out to my parents as queer. I guess I must have at some point? Or maybe I just told them when I was dating my first partner? I feel like they knew before that. Who knows. Anyway, I never felt like I had a sexuality-related coming out moment with anyone. I bring it up casually if it comes up in conversations but when it's not related to the topic at hand I don't bother.

I did come out to my parents as trans, though. IIRC I told my mom I identified as trans and genderqueer on the phone or something, and loaned her a book about gender identity. And later I told them I planned to have surgery and did that. IDK, if your mom is pretty cool, you can probably just tell her casually. Or you can decide you don't care and you'll bring it up if it's relevant to you dating someone or if she asks. You don't HAVE to have a big ~coming out~ moment if you don't want to or care about it.

"Hey, so that girl coming over? We're not just friends..."

But seriously, I didn't tell them 'til I had my lady coming over for the first time. My mom had figured it out long ago, and my dad really didn't give a shit (it was so anti-climatic with him, I wanted to burst into tears over the stress building and building, then not getting any kind of reaction besides a shrug and a half-irritated, "Can I go finish [cooking] dinner, now?").

I grew up in one of the most open, supportive, relaxed, trusting environments, and the thought of coming out still freaked me the fuck out. So no, it's not stupid. It's something societies make a big deal out of, and it's someone you seem to really care about, and care what they think of you. Sounds like you have a great mom, and it'll just kind of tumble out at some point.

Think of it like bungie-jumping: just lean forward when they stop counting down, and it's all you have to do. Do it over breakfast or dinner, or something. It'll be a normal conversation. You don't have to preface it with anything ("There's something I want to tell you," "I need to tell you something"). You could even phrase it as a question ("Do you know I'm gay/queer/whatevs?").

Or you could be 16y/o me and say, "Soooo, I'm not exactly... 'straight'."

Deep breaths. You'll be fine. And if you need to go to your room and have a reaction afterwards, that's fine too. xP

I dunno? I came out on facebook to like half my family, when I got together with my current girlfriend, some did get a bit confused as the last two partners I have had was of the opposite sex.

I have no advice, but do you guys have a time where you sit together and discuss stuff? Like in my family discussion time is mainly during dinner, so I did explain it to some of them then. Others I've talked to on the phone because I found that easier.

I just want to add, you don't have to come out, you don't have to make a deal out of it if you don't want to. You can just tell your mother that "Hey mum I am dating this person, s/he is quite nice and her/his name is NAME" and come out that way?

When I came out to my mum it was kind of an off-handed comment. Like I tried to make it sound all casual (maybe referring to a girl I'd like to date or something? Not sure) so that her making a big deal about it would have been weird.

Wasn't a big deal at all, I think she just started telling me about that one supermassive crush she had on another woman once. Good times.

[ SECRET POST #2661 ]

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