fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2663 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2663 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Stardust]

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03. [posted twice]

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04.

[Elementary]

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05.

[El Goonish Shive]

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06.

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07. http://i62.tinypic.com/29cxt2a.jpg
[Hadaka Shitsuji, censored porn]

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08. http://i.imgur.com/XGwxaCR.jpg
[cosplay; no sex but definitely nsfw]

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09.

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10.

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11.

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12. [ns]

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14.

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16.

[Art by: http://www.deviantart.com/art/Lets-Sing-Together-338248375]

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17. [SPOILERS for Soul Eater]

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18. [SPOILERS for captain america: the winter soldier]
[WARNING for rape]

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19. [WARNING for suicide]

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20. [WARNING for incest, possible non-con]

Notes:

Late at work again, sorry. Should be back to normal by next week!

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #380.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 1 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

See a therapist. I'm not saying this to be dismissive -- you sound like you are having a serious mental/emotional health crisis. Seek professional help.

You think I can tell someone face-to-face about ANY of this? It's either "No big deal" if I get a dickbag misogynist therapist, or "You're evil and vile" if I get a decent human being. There is no winning in this for me.

anon -

a decent therapist should NOT judge you. that's not what they're there for. a decent therapist will be able to sit with you and your thoughts and feelings, and help you untangle the knots.

and as someone who cares an awful lot about women's rights, I think it's amazing that you're even aware of/acknowledge how messed up expressions of sexuality can be.

but please don't get mad at yourself about it. you've grown up in a culture that's taught you these things. the next step is to change it.

imagine how wonderful it would be to express your sexuality without guilt or misogyny, and to simply enjoy sexual relationships. that's achievable!

instead of seeing a general therapist, it may even be beneficial to see a sex therapist, since they would specialize in that sort of issue.

I hope you eventually free yourself of self-loathing. it's not a fun place to be. :(

also I don't think you sound like an awful human being.

you just sound human. that's ok. :)

NAYRT: No competent therapist will tell you you're an evil and vile person. You may have done things that are, but you as a person are not. They will also not tell you anything that leads you to consider suicide is "no big deal". The actual thing may not be that bad, but its effects clearly are.

I can't provide much help other than that, but I wanted to say that.

Also, I don't think what you have done (at least, what you're talking about) is evil and vile! That was phrased poorly. I apologize. A more accurate phrasing would be "Even if you had done things that were, you as a person are not."

I'm going to third seeing a therapist, as it does sound like you should probably talk professionally to someone about this kind of stuff. Also, if a therapist does say something that is actively/actually judging you negatively for your opinion, you should find another therapist. I've taken enough psychology courses to say that if they do judge you, they are doing therapy wrong, because it's THE biggest rule in therapy to be non-judgemental to clients in therapy.

SA
You can also ask to see a female therapist if it helps you. Hell, there have been studies that show when both men and women first go into therapy they say that they would prefer to see a female therapist first. Granted at the end of the study it was shown that the people ended up saying that it didn't matter what gender the therapist was, what mattered was the client-therapist relationship, but the point is if you are that worried about getting a judgy male therapist, you can always ask to see a female one.

I think we all have the potential to become unmoored from what we know is right.
It sounds like you're really strugging, OP. If you are alarmed by the direction in whiich your sexuality has gone, and the control it has over you then you should speak to someone. Professionals won't judge you, and you may be able to make peace with yourself.

Good luck, OP. You can do it. :)

[ SECRET POST #2663 ]

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