[ SECRET POST #2673 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2673 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 03 pages, 055 secrets from Secret Submission Post #382.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

01. http://i.imgur.com/5Ex135N.jpg

[morieris]

What standards are you holding, because just about everyone you idolize or crush on is most certainly flawed.

[(Anonymous)]

Yes, this.

[(Anonymous)]

I hope her standard isn't Tom Hiddleston (I always expect to see a news story about how he is actually a serial killer).

[a_potato]

I think the thing is that, when it comes to a character or someone you'll never meet, it's really easy to ignore all of those flaws.

It's less easy to ignore them in someone with whom you have an actual relationship.

[diet_poison]

I think with celebrities you don't always see their flaws - which is one problem with infatuation with public figures, IMO.

With characters, hopefully you can see their flaws, but that depends on how well they're written.

[anonymouslyyours]

Yeah but typically they're still flawed on a whole nother level and if anything Tony Stark definitely has his problems but he's still Iron Man so what's my excuse?!?

[(Anonymous)]

I think OP might be talking about the combination of looks and public relations management, which seems like a reasonable concern, imo.

[fingalsanteater]

Have crushes on characters that are awful people. I'd never want to date the characters I've crushes on.

[diet_poison]

I'm similar. I sometimes (not always) have crushes on* fictional characters who are really, really different from the kind of person I'd want to date irl. Sometimes they're even people who would piss me off irl.

*sometimes it's a crush and sometimes it's just a male character who I really really like. But they follow a set of rules that only partially and not completely overlaps with my standards for men irl.

[(Anonymous)]

It's a legitimate concern. Do you really not feel any attraction to real people? Like, actual humans you meet in life? Because if not, then yes, you have set yourself up with a problem.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm not OP but now I'm wondering if I might not actually be asexual as I assumed and that I might just be having this problem-- there are totally celebrities that I find attractive and that I adore (and fictional characters too) but never anyone in real life, at least not since I was in college.

But then I never imagine being sexually involved with any of those people so maybe not :P

[sarillia]

I don't know, I had never had a crush on a real person before I met my girlfriend. We seem to be doing all right.

[(Anonymous)]

And why is a problem not being attracted to people again?

[(Anonymous)]

Not OP, but I don't feel attracted to real people in general, at least not in a sexy way. I make friends easily enough though.

I'm not seeing how not forming sexual connections with real life people is a problem.

[(Anonymous)]

Fictional characters are awesome but don't forget that some amazing, wonderful, lovable people exist and have existed in reality, too. They may not pose as often as Riku but, yeah. Besides, unless it's totally blind idolization, don't you love the human/real parts of characters? Riku is loyal, rough around the edges, and good-hearted. Don't you think that there are people like that around? Isn't everybody a little bit like that?

[rubbertea]

i feel the opposite way. i think getting to know and loving fictional characters, with all their quirks and flaws, gave me a new outlook on real people and helped me be less judgmental and narrow-minded.

[(Anonymous)]

Get a waifu or a husbando. Or make a tulpa of one of the characters/celebrities.

[(Anonymous)]

Lots of people have impossible standards, just look at 4chan.


Just remember that no one is perfect, and that fictional characters are indeed fictional.

[ibbity]

yeah I used to feel like that too and then I met my boyfriend. He doesn't fit all the criteria I had on the list of "what I want in a man" that I wrote in my diary when I was a teenager, but it doesn't matter because he's HIMSELF and even if he has some flaws in him, he's so good for and to me that I can overlook or give him a pass on them. I mean, there are obviously a lot of people out there whose flaws you can't (and sometimes shouldn't) tolerate, but if you meet someone who is right for you and you for them, those flaws that they have won't be as big a deal as they seem like they would before you met that person.

[(Anonymous)]

This is a real thing. Some people don't get over it and it might be better not to break someone's heart if you know you're never going to be satisfied with them. I'm not saying don't try out relationships, just don't try to settle for them in the long term if you know you'll want to be away from them eventually.

[a_potato]

Aw, OP.

You're right: if you have impossible standards, then no one is ever going to be able to live up to them (and neither are you). But the fact that you recognize that is a pretty good sign.

Here's the thing: real relationships, as messy and flawed as they are, are satisfying in a way that fantasies never can be. If you find someone who is a good match for you, then the fact that they can't live up to what your favorite characters and celebrities represent will matter less than the fact that you want to be with them, and that their good qualities outweigh the bad.

[(Anonymous)]

Going to go against the grain and say you may not have impossible standards. Girls are often told to lower their standards, which is usually code for "Be lucky any guy wants you." :x So keep that in mind, too.

In fact, the number of people who are taking you at your word of impossible standards is kind of uncomfortable since they don't stop to consider that, well, maybe they aren't, and there's little mention of that. Just advice that comes eerily close to "lower your standards."

...Nnnnnot to mention the Op is more worried about not living up to someone else's standards than meeting someone. So, uh, yeah.

[(Anonymous)]

AMEN.

I think that way of thinking might have ruined people for me in general, my imagination has taken control. As I told a friend, "I'm afraid human relationships won't be what I thought they would be like" that is, like what is in my head, in the books (well, less the books that are good at depicting life), in the movies, in the fics, and most importantly, in my head.

[visp]

Just try hanging around more people, OP. Sometimes, just having more RL interaction can remind you about the advantages to being around actual people.