fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2675 ]

[ SECRET POST #2675 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2675 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Is it okay to demand an apology of someone? If so, why? If not, why not?

I don't know about demand but you could say that you think they owe you an apology. Personally I wouldn't though. An apology doesn't mean much to me if I have to ask for it.

An apology doesn't mean much to me if I have to ask for it.

This. Agreed so hard.

That said, at least when dealing with people who are immature, it's not always a bad thing to say "I think you owe me/someone else an apology" and let them think on it, if they're receptive to that.

Yeah, there are times when I might say something. Like if they don't even realize that I was bothered by something they did.

Re: Apologies

diet_poison - 2014-05-01 00:11 (UTC) - Expand

It's generally pretty pointless. If you have to demand an apology, you're usually dealing with a shit-heel.

Either that or, for whatever reason, the demander don't actually deserve an apology.

Usually it's the other case around though. Except on tumblr.

Or you're the shit heel.

Fair enough. In any case, someone in the situation is a dick. Maybe both someones.

Re: Apologies

(Anonymous) - 2014-04-30 23:44 (UTC) - Expand

Yes!

Or pistols at dawn.

What about good ol' swords?

And how exactly would that work?

Edit: I suppose if you're a supervisor demanding one employee apologize to another for something just as a way to get past an issue, OK. But otherwise? "I demand you apologize to me!!!!" is just a really pointless thing to do that can only reflect badly on you.

Edited 2014-04-30 23:27 (UTC)

Plus it strikes me as kinda immature.

I wouldn't.

While I think most unforced apologies are already insincere, that one would certainly be.

If they aren't children then no...

Children have to be taught to apologize when they do something wrong. Adults should know better and if they don't the apology will have no meaning so there is no point in demanding it.

Eh, I don't know about okay, but it's probably futile. If someone's fucked up so badly and can't/won't/doesn't apologize of their own volition, "demanding" will probably result in nothing. You'd be better off CALMLY and firmly saying that if you're going to continue being friends/talking to someone/etc. you will need to hear a sincere apology from them. You might even specify that you're not interested in non-apologies like "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings" or "I'm sorry if you were offended".

But seriously, you can't squeeze an apology out of someone who doesn't want to apologize or who doesn't think they have anything to apologize for. Either let it go, or let it go and cut your ties. Either way, if you make a threat (like not talking to the person) back it up and don't cave or that person will never take you seriously again.

Yeah, of course. Sometimes people don't realize they've fucked up or hurt your feelings. A calm statement of "I think you owe me an apology" is quite reasonable.

That's a tricky one, anon. As other people have said above, if you have to demand the apology, is it worth it?

On the other hand, sometimes there are situations where you can feel like you've been wronged and the other party cannot see you POV. I had this with an immediate family member recently. They hurt me badly (they didn't contact me in any way shape or form for six months after I almost died) and not only didn't care that they'd hurt me, but treated me with disdain.

Now I don't know what to do either, anon. They don't want to apologise. I can't let it go but don't want to cut them out of my life.

Well, you can, and sometimes you definitely deserve that apology too. But in my experience (which has been echoed by many other people I've talked to about this) the one thing that will almost guarantee you won't get an apology, or if you do it won't be sincere, is demand an apology from someone.

If you have a serious grievance with someone that you don't think can be smoothed over with time, AND you wish to have this matter cleared up with the person, definitely you should tell them how their actions have made you feel. But don't demand an apology. And understand that sometimes people can't handle criticism at all, and that they may not take it well and it may make the situation worse.

+1000

If someone can't handle criticism after they've acted in a manner where they've hurt someone else, then you are sure to be dealing with an entitled asswipe.

I think there's a difference between criticizing someone and demanding an apology from them, however.

It's not okay. Ever.

You're not okay. Ever.

nayrt. Nah. They're okay, I'm okay, and even you're okay.

Re: Apologies

(Anonymous) - 2014-05-01 04:56 (UTC) - Expand

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