fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2686 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2686 ⌋

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I think part of the problem is that a lot of people read that and what they see is, "Your parent, who spanked you occasionally, was a bad parent and maybe even a bad person".

Which is irrational and unfortunate but such is the way of things.

It's only irrational if you don't reason thus: X is bad -> doing X makes a person a bad person -> your parents did X, therefore your parents are bad people. Especially when you get one of those people who becomes really angry if you tell them that you didn't suffer any ill effects from the occasional smack on the bottom, and insist that this study proves you must have some kind of mental trauma.

Which might make some of the discussions and comments understandable, but people arguing for spanking their own children in the future do not have that excuse... Because that is plainly saying when I have a kid "I will hit it because I was when I was a kid and I turned out okay."

I am sure there are a lot of people who was spanked as children who had wonderful parents, but that does not excuse spanking their own children. Especially not with all the research that keeps documenting that children that are spanked are more stressed and so on than children who don't, even the threat of spanking isn't good for a kid.

Yeah it is irrational, and do people really think this? I was spanked a few times as a kid, and I don't resent my parents for it nor did I turn out to be severely traumatized because of it. I still disagree with their decision to discipline myself and my siblings that way in the same sense that I disagree with every parent who does it. But my parents, while imperfect (like all of us) aren't bad people.

Closest thing I came to that growing up was my father who at times held me (hard enough to leave bruises) when we were arguing, which was a stupid thing to do, but he didn't know any better and it isn't like I was damaged by it. I would never do that to my own children, but his reaction came from ignorance and I can't claim that defence.

I also have friends whose parents in extreme cases did slap them a couple of times growing up, and those parents are wonderful nice parents they were just at their wits end and in their minds had no other options.

Then again if I spanked my future children it would be against the law and I could face a jail sentence and have my children taken away from me. As spanking is classified as abuse in Norway, as it should be.

It's not irrational.

making_excuses was polite about it, but I've seen this argument many many times and nearly everytime I've seen someone say 'spanking is child abuse' or 'spanking makes you a bad parent' or 'if I see a child getting spanked I will report the parent to CPS'.

FFS I remember some SJW a few years back argue that spanking was SEXUAL ABUSE and spanking girls will make them more likely to accept abusive relationships. If you weren't bothered by your childhood spanking you have stockholm syndrome!

There's only so much you can hear of that before you just instinctively eyeroll whenever the subject comes up.

I just roll my eyes at it in general because I have yet to see any sort of demonstrable proof that spanking causes lifelong harm.

My siblings and I were spanked. Most of my friends were spanked. My parents and their siblings were spanked. And, shockingly, all of us grew up just fine and have good relationships with our parents. None of us "acted out" or anything like that either. (In fact, not a single one of my siblings nor I ever even got a detention in school.)

There is a huge, huge difference between a quick spanking (which is intended to startle the child rather than actually hurt them) and actual child abuse. To be honest, I'm more concerned about the people who can't see the difference between the two.

But your personal anecdote isn't evidence for or against spanking. Most people in general do grow up fine. Your parents weren't necessarily bad parents, but they still used a bad form of punishment and could've made a better choice there.

Read the APA's studies about spanking - you'll find there IS plenty of evidence that shows spanking is a bad punishment, and that it correlates with MORE negative behaviors. There have been numerous studies, and none of them indicate that spanking is acceptable as a form of punishment.

In some countries (mine included) spanking is child abuse, so I sure as hell would report it to CPS if I knew it was happening...

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