[ SECRET POST #2696 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2696 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 023 secrets from Secret Submission Post #385.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

02. http://i.imgur.com/8f9E93i.png

[(Anonymous)]

How long ago were you a teen? Because electroshock therapy had come a long way from what it used to be. And depending on her problem may not be the main issue for the memory loss.

[(Anonymous)]

op here. Quite a while back. We're both early 30's now. But I'm fuzzy on the timeline. I last saw her in 2000, 2001 I think? At that point, she had not gotten the treatment, though she had spend a few mental in mental care by then. But I do not know when she first got the treatment, somewhere between then and now. Her issue is (as I understand it) that she's bipolar, but I think there's an underlying issue of trauma I do not know the details of (but she has hinted at).

She herself said the electroshock cause the memory loss - I only have her version to go by of course, and I only have shards of what happened as it is.

What's "iffy" about it is that I feel (again from what she said) it was not her own decision. She can't hold a job and is financially dependent of her parents, and (she says) her mother threatened to cut her off financially if she did not get the treatment. I do not really know the woman - I met her once or twice, maybe 15 years ago. sadly it's all sort of messed up.

[(Anonymous)]

Different Anon. Her situation sounds horribly toxic and as if her parents made her dependant on them in every area of life. They probably had meant well, in some wicked abusive way, to force her into treatment so "she'd get better" and "have motivation". I hope your friend does get better and her situation is improved.

On the electroshock treatment - the side effect is indeed memory loss, but short-term. Mostly it's just confusion. Never heard of someone dealing with long-term memory effect, but mind is a tricky thing and doctors can botch things up.

[(Anonymous)]

It could also be medication -- I was in treatment around that time myself and I have huge gaps in memory tied to medicine I was on.

[silverr]

Oh! *wells up*

Just be a friend, OP. That's probably the best thing you can do.

[(Anonymous)]

You're a good person, OP. I think just being there to listen and offer moral support is a huge thing in itself.

[(Anonymous)]

Op here. I'm not, though. A good person that is. That's the really weird part. I'm a horribly unreliable person who doesn't have her shit together, I just try but I'm scared I'll fail her. And, I used to be even worse...and the weird part is, she doesn't even remember that. And now it almost seems disingenuous pretending I'm this great friend. Sigh, sorry for the rant - I still have strong feelings about this.

[(Anonymous)]

Having your shit together is not required for being a good person. Trying to do the right thing is all that's required. Trying to do the right thing when it's difficult does earn bonus points, though. Trying when it's difficult and succeeding is worth double bonus points.



At present, bonus points can only be redeemed for discounts at Tim Horton's, though. We're still working on that part of the program. Sorry.

[(Anonymous)]

You don't have to pretend and you don't have to be a perfect friend. Just do what you can to be her friend now. Having your shit together is not a requirement.

It's normal and ok to have strong feelings and to worry about things like this. But your friendship is not a shitty gift, it's a gift. You can be a good friend to her even if you feel like you are the worst.

[electromouse]

Best of luck to you and your friend, OP!

[(Anonymous)]

I'm notorious among my friends for having, as my personal moral compass, the question "What would Captain America do?"

Sounds like you pass that test, OP. Good on you.

[(Anonymous)]

I like that :) Thank you.

[forgottenjester]

Oh man, best of luck to you both.

[elaminator]

Geez, what a terrible situation for your friend. And how sad. I can't imagine how scary losing parts of your memory would be.

I think it's great that you're trying to reconnect with her and be there for her. I'm sure she needs someone right now, and that you're making an effort is all that can be asked. (And is a good thing! Good on you for deciding on it.)

Hopefully things work out for both of you.

[(Anonymous)]

Sounds like you're doing good, OP! Best of luck to you both!

[nightscale]

Oh gosh, I'm sorry OP. I hope things work out for you both, I really do.

[(Anonymous)]

I was on some depression & bipolar meds for a couple of years about a decade ago (turns out I don't even have bipolar so wtf), but yeah, I lost a lot of memory too. It's *scary.* (I also used to be a lot smarter, and I'm not stupid now; not sure how many IQ points I lost, but I hate thinking about it.)

So glad you're there for her in whatever way you can manage. Sometimes it's just great to know somebody cares and doesn't think you're worthless because you've been through some shit, you know? It really does mean a lot.

[(Anonymous)]

Hey, I used to be on meds and was misdiagnosed too. Which medicines cause memory loss? I don't consider my intelligence to be very impressive, and I do sometimes mix things up, but I can't tell if that's a side effect of taking Prozac and/or Ritalin for 17 or so years or if it's just part of the mess of problems I already had.

[(Anonymous)]

op here: I'm sorry for what happened to you, and I hope you're better now. People didn't give up on me just because I've been through some shit, so you know, I won't either.

[silvereriena]

Your determination to help your friend genuinely moved me, OP. Rock on! Good luck to you both!

[(Anonymous)]

*HUGS *

I know you might feel like you aren't a good person or a "reliable", dependable sort of person. But all you have to do is keep striving to be a friend--even if you're not a perfect friend. Talk with them--via facebook, or IRL, or skype or phone. DO NOT feel bad if you are unable to help them solve many of their problems. For some people the thought that they can have just "one special friend" out there can mean so much. You've said that you weren't even that fantastic a friend--but they remember you that way. But you probably were a good friend at some of the time, because even with her fragmented memory she sought you ought, so whatever she remembers of you MUST be good.

Can you meet with her, or send her a care package or something? Little things like that can help more than you expect.

[(Anonymous)]

Op here, sorry for late reply. We've met up twice now. We're going to again next Tuesday. I still don't know do's and dont's because little real life things are difficult for her. Like, traveling by public transport or going to a restaurant. But it's also sort of great cause you can see she hasn't been doing that, but wants to, and she's intent on getting to a point where she can.

Mostly I'm just winging it, though.

[toshi_hakari]

I don't know what to say other than that I'm horrified that electroshock therapy still exists. What the fuck.

[andraste]

It's improved a lot over the decades, and it's generally used as a last resort for people with an illness that doesn't respond to medication.

My dad got some short-term memory loss from his round of electroshock, but it also stopped him being suicidal, which is more than half a dozen different anti-depressants and years of therapy could manage.