fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2706 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2706 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Well, first off I don't think I'd listen to your mother simply because she's not taking your needs and preferences into consideration, she's just fixated on the idea of BUY A HOUSE. That's good advice for some people, but it's not clear that this is what you want. As a single person who doesn't enjoy yard work or handling maintenance issues, apartment living makes perfect sense. Yes, it means you don't own your home, but as you already know, it also means you're not responsible for repairs and keeping it or the grounds up.

I used to live in an apartment. Now I own a house.

Pros:

* More space and privacy
* Not having to share walls/common space/mailbox space/front door with people
* Freedom to personalize it however I want
* I was able to pay off the mortgage, so I own it.

Cons:

* All houses will need repairs and maintenance and some of them will be big ticket items like roofing, plumbing, etc.
* Yard work. You either mow your own lawn or pay someone to do it, and it's not just lawns, either... trees, shrubbery... they all need regular care.
* You need more equipment: lawn care stuff like a mower, rakes, snow shovel, gardening stuff, basic toolbox in case there are any repairs you can handle by yourself
* All the neat stuff about owning a home like painting/redecorating also costs extra money

Don't get me wrong, I like having a house and I would not want to go back to apartment living-- but that's how I felt before I moved, and nobody was pressuring me the way your mom is pressuring you. (Incidentally, it sounds like your mom could be a lot more respectful about your boundaries, but that's a separate issue that I wish you luck with.)

The reality of it is, no matter what you decide, chances are it won't be a permanent thing. That's rarely how life works these days. People change jobs, they get transferred, their needs change... they don't stay in one house for decades and decades. So you can dismiss the whole "but what if I have to move?" issue right now. You will have to move, sooner or later. It's a hassle, but it's a thing people do every day and not a huge deal. Secondly, you can also knock the whole "apartments/condos aren't a REAL home, only a house is a REAL home" thing on the head. That's your mother's POV talking, and you don't want to let her tunnel vision make your decision more difficult than it already is.

Your home is the space you make. You can make an apartment your home. You can make a house your home. "Home" is a concept, not a concrete, rigidly defined object. Sit down, take a deep breath and make a list of things you want in a home. Then make a pros and cons list of what an apartment vs. a house has to offer and cross reference all the lists. To me, it sounds like an apartment is what would best suit you unless you have the money and time to take on more work than you already do now. Ask yourself what you could to an apartment that would make it home to you, and work from there.

And please, your mom is being an unreasonable cow. Take anything she says with a huge grain of salt.

Hmm, your pro/con list is basically pushing me towards an apartment (or I guess it's really making me regret my decision to leave this one). The cons suck, and most of your pros also apply to me at my current place. I should've just figured out how to make the rent increase work and stayed here, but I fucked up and it's too late now. Hopefully I can find another place that I like as well.

You will have to move, sooner or later.

See, I don't get why. Like I said before, barring unforeseen circumstances I wouldn't want to move. Losing my job would be an unforeseen circumstance but beyond that I can't think of a reason why I'd leave. I'm pretty much resigned to the fact that I'll never get married so if it was enough space for me now I can't imagine why that'd change. I mean, my mom has lived in her house for almost 40 years and plans on staying there until she dies. I don't know why it would be any different for me.

Having a permanent home is probably not going to happen for me since I'm going more and more in the direction of just finding another apartment and not buying a house right now, but if I WERE to buy something, I don't know why it couldn't be permanent.

I guess I do need to get beyond my idea that an apartment can't be a home, though. I think probably the main reason I feel that way now is because I never really decorated and I've been living that way for almost 7 years. I was allowed to paint and decorate however I wanted but I wasn't ever really interested in doing it. Beyond a few posters I've got plain white walls and that's pretty much it...it looks basically like a college dorm room or something. I think it's because of that that it doesn't feel like a home and that's depressing, but I admit it's my own fault. My next place I'll have to actually decorate and hopefully that'll make me feel better about it.

[ SECRET POST #2706 ]

Re: Completely lost and confused and miserable right now

Re: Completely lost and confused and miserable right now