[ SECRET POST #2710 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2710 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #387.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

09. http://i58.tinypic.com/25ilvkh.png

[(Anonymous)]

Great logic there.

Hobbies =/= relationships.

[(Anonymous)]

Unless your hobby is relationships.

[kaijinscendre]

Ah yes. Fandoms are totally the same as relationships. Just like the fanfic you read is totally what you like in real life.

[(Anonymous)]

If you literally have nothing holding you two together other than a mutual fandom, is that really a relationship worth pursuing?

[iceyred]

This. Relationships built on fandoms alone don't last. You need something else to keep you together.

[(Anonymous)]

Hmm...I don't know. It kinda sounds like you've gotten tired of him now that he left your fandom and are projecting a bit. /armchair psychologist

[dancing_clown]

Is fandom the only thing you talk about and think about all day, every day? No? You don't have to worry about fandom being the thing that splits you up.

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to go with no.

[khandri]

This seems like a really bad gauge of one's relationship. If you can't accept that the people close to you have different interests/differing levels of interests than you, I'm inclined to think that the problem might not be them.

Meanwhile, there's my fiancé and me. We met in a fandom in 2002, got together later that year, and eventually left that fandom after a while. I went back to it a couple years ago while he's content to stay on the sidelines, and we're both perfectly okay with that, because we can still talk about that fandom (and other interests, whether they're shared or not) just fine with each other. Relationships need that give and take in order to last--not just for fandoms/interests, but for everything.

[(Anonymous)]

This is dumb. You are not your fandom. You are a human being. You contain multitudes.

[dethtoll]

Shh. Shh.

You're being silly. You met through a shared interest. Obviously you share more than that singular interest or you wouldn't be together.

it'll be okay

[(Anonymous)]

Fandoms can last a lifetime, but often they don't. People are forever (at least the ones worth keeping in your life). :-) *hugs* I still have a very dear friend from my first fandom. I don't think that will ever change even though I'm not into it right now and she still is. Wishing you well.

[a_potato]

Aw, OP.

You and your BF don't have to share all the same interests and hobbies, even if you originally met through one of those interests or hobbies. Relationships are built on a quite a bit more than that.

Besides, you still want to be with him even though he's no longer in that fandom. Why do think it's any different for him?

[icecheetah]

I have had a lot of friends I met through shared interests, and the friendship remained after those interests were gone. For some, we don't have a single fandom in common.

My ex and I shared a lot of different fandoms when we dated, but not all our fandoms and not all at the same time. There was even a time when we both talked about almost nothing but this one game, but then I got bored and moved on, the relationship lasted a long time after that.

It's normal for interests to change, but there should be other things you have in common and can talk about.

[beverlykatz]

I understand that it sucks having someone drift away from a major shared interest, but if you genuinely feel like he might leave you because you don't both love X anymore... that's coming from a much deeper place of relationship insecurity that you should probably explore. Good luck, OP.

[(Anonymous)]

If you're that worried, why not give his new fandom a try?

[(Anonymous)]

If the only thing that you guys had in common is a fandom, that's not a good foundation for a relationship. I've seen so many people get together because of a mutual love for a fandom, but then break up because that's the only common interest they shared.

It's possible you guys might stick together, but don't be surprised if you don't.

[diet_poison]

I find that your worry that he'll get tired of you bodes more poorly for your relationship than the fact that he left this fandom.

That said, it might also be that you're a worrywart - I can be much the same way.

Do you have reason to believe he doesn't commit to relationships? Does he have lasting relationships with friends and family members? What about exes - why did he break up with them? Has he left other fandoms? It could be that he's just a "fandom serialist", like some people here - he gets invested in just one or a few at a time and then moves on. It depends more on what kind of a person he is and what he wants than it does on him sticking to a certain fandom for a certain time.

[otakugal15]

Er...ten by that logic my boyfriend should have dropped me like...6 weeks into the relationship. Our hobbies and interests don't always coincide, like, at all. But we find plenty of things that interest us both so...

Has that happened with fandom friendships before?

[(Anonymous)]

A friend found a new fandom and drifted away? If so, I can kind of understand your worry. And if that old fandom was the only way you connected with your boyfriend, then you might have to figure out new ways to connect.

[forgottenjester]

Considering you're a person and not a consumable form of media I think you're okay.

You know, as long as you're not dating a dick.

[kallanda_lee]

Ideally, eventually your bond becomes stronger than just the initial spark. If you really have nothing else in common, well that might be an issue. But if you love each other, it shldn't be a problem if things change.

[(Anonymous)]

It may be a sign he's a flake, but seriously, people change their hobbies all the time. It's not a sure sign of being unable to commit or something.

[(Anonymous)]

I met my girlfriend through a fandom that I have now basically left, and actually it is quite hard. Not to stay together - so in that sense, we're doing fine - but fandom used to be a thing that drew us together and now it's a thing that separates us. I feel bad for not liking the thing we spent time on together, and I feel awkward about liking my new fandom so much and don't want to talk about it as much as I'd like to/I feel guilty about talking to other people in my new fandom. I feel like this isn't a particularly friendly enviroment to say this, but it's true - fandom is something we emotionally committed to and met through. It's like if you met through a friend and now your partner hates that friend but you still like and hang out with them. They want to know how you can still bear to be around the friend, etc (and this is an extreme example, because I don't hate my old fandom. I just no longer love it). The fear does make sense, I think. But I hope that you and your boyfriend have enough in common to stay together, fandom or no fandom.