[ SECRET POST #2717 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2717 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #388.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

[a_potato]

Somehow I missed this on my first sweep through.

I agree that there's no perfect match, but I don't think that compatibility is about perfection. It's more about...being able to check off enough boxes. Do you have similar values? Similar senses of humor? Do your life goals align? Do your interests dovetail? Do you genuinely enjoy one another's company, and are you able to get along? Are you able to satisfy one another sexually? Are you both willing to work at a relationship?

When I come across someone like anon, I read it as "can I find someone with whom I can check off the requisite number of boxes?" But that may be due to my own bias, because I'm like you and I don't think that there's any one person out there for anyone.

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

[(Anonymous)]

OP

Yes, this is exactly what I mean.

I know no one is going to be 100% perfectly compatible, and no relationship is going to be perfect, I just meant, like you said, being able to check off enough boxes. I just want someone with relatively similar views on the big things...the little stuff is less important. I just feel like I'm so weird (or at least...different? idk) that it's probably unlikely to find the same combination of general views in one person. Maybe not though.

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

[rubbertea]

the problem is that people, and by extension people's lives, are too complex for boxes. it's always "we have similar values, but they differ on this subject", "our life goals align, but she has to move far away to fulfill hers", "we enjoy each other's company, but we both work late and can only see each other on sundays". i understand the need to classify and quantify those things, but the truth is it doesn't work. you can't take every circumstance into account, let alone chance.

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

[a_potato]

Ah, but it's not always that. It often works. That's why there are lifelong friends and lovers.

The notion of "boxes" may be too rigid. Perhaps it's better to say that there are guide posts. It's true that we can't account for every circumstance, but we can determine what we like and what we don't; what's good for us and what's not.

The thing the strikes me about all of those caveats is that they seem to be so all or nothing. When I say that someone has values that are similar to mine, I don't mean to say that s/he and I never disagree; I mean "similar" in the most literal of senses. It's the same for all the rest. My life goals would still align with someone who had to move away; the choice I would have to make is whether or not to follow (in my case, I actually did sort of make that choice. And I'm glad for it). And I would still enjoy the company of someone whom I couldn't see as often as I'd like; I'd just have to make sure to put in the effort to see them when I could.

Compatibility isn't a guarantee. But I think it's a valid starting point, and I think it makes sense to look for someone who meshes with you.