fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2717 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2717 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

__________________________________________________

04.

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07.

__________________________________________________

08.

__________________________________________________

09.

__________________________________________________

10.

__________________________________________________

11. [posted twice]

__________________________________________________

12.

__________________________________________________

13.

Notes:

Late day at work, sorry!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #388.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

there's no perfect match. people are never completely compatible; there'll always be things you like and things you don't about them. the best thing you can hope for is someone that likes you enough (and that you like enough in return) to be willing to spend the rest of their life with you.

Edited 2014-06-12 00:21 (UTC)

+1

There's no such thing as "someone out there FOR you" or that some people are "supposed" to find a "match" and some aren't. Destined soul mates don't exist. Will some people go their whole lives never being in a romantic relationship? Sure. It has nothing to do with destiny or intended match-ups, though.

exactly. it's like believing in karma, in a way, or saying everything happens for a reason. the idea that there are rules, that the people you meet and the things that happen are influenced by an outside force has always been ridiculous to me.

+1 to your +1, that's exactly what I was going to say.

Nicely said. I agree; I think no matter how much you love someone there's always going to be something you don't like about them, or things you can't agree with them on. People are too complex for anything else. But that doesn't mean you can't find someone that you won't be able to make it work with, if you put in the effort.

Granted, not everyone might be so lucky, but I do feel like for everyone there's at least one person (or even several) that would be a reasonable 'match' if the circumstances were right.

(Then again, since I assume we're talking about romantic relationships, some people just aren't into that. Even then, yea, if we're talking about someone you can care about and connect with without romance I feel the same.)

Yep yep yep.

I feel like it is time to trot out my old "love is a verb" refrain. LOL I agree with everyone saying that loving someone doesn't mean you'll never disagree or have problems. Being in a love is a choice to continue despite those things.

You're right! I feel like the whole 'loving someone doesn't mean you'll never disagree or have problems' thing is so obvious, but I know when you actually get into a relationship and start to have those problems it can be harder to remember that. Still, if you want to make things work it takes time and compromise.

Preach it, my friend. :)

This is very true. Love takes work and determination.

luck really is the key to happiness (and basically everything else). or rather chance. circumstances is a word i'd like to have thought of as well.

yeah, there can be several people that you could build a stable relationship with. you could even be in a long time relationship with someone, or single and looking for love, while on the other side there's someone you'd be more 'compatible' with. and they're not waiting for you, and you'll never know what you missed out on. i guess it's sad in a way, but since you'll never know, it's not like you'd care. that's the difference between the real world and wish-fulfillment soul mates fanfic.

we're talking about romantic relationships, but it could also apply to friendships. i'm sure there are people i've never met who would be awesome to hang out with, and others i'd hate after one five-minute conversation.

while on the other side there's someone you'd be more 'compatible' with. and they're not waiting for you, and you'll never know what you missed out on.

Yep, that's the way the world works sometimes. I agree it is a bit sad, but like you said, you'll never know so...what difference does it make? Dwelling over that kind of thing could drive one mad, so it's best not to.

Same. Or, again, people that you have met but because of circumstance didn't talk to much or properly introduce yourself to. There's no telling what you could have been to someone.

Somehow I missed this on my first sweep through.

I agree that there's no perfect match, but I don't think that compatibility is about perfection. It's more about...being able to check off enough boxes. Do you have similar values? Similar senses of humor? Do your life goals align? Do your interests dovetail? Do you genuinely enjoy one another's company, and are you able to get along? Are you able to satisfy one another sexually? Are you both willing to work at a relationship?

When I come across someone like anon, I read it as "can I find someone with whom I can check off the requisite number of boxes?" But that may be due to my own bias, because I'm like you and I don't think that there's any one person out there for anyone.

OP

Yes, this is exactly what I mean.

I know no one is going to be 100% perfectly compatible, and no relationship is going to be perfect, I just meant, like you said, being able to check off enough boxes. I just want someone with relatively similar views on the big things...the little stuff is less important. I just feel like I'm so weird (or at least...different? idk) that it's probably unlikely to find the same combination of general views in one person. Maybe not though.

the problem is that people, and by extension people's lives, are too complex for boxes. it's always "we have similar values, but they differ on this subject", "our life goals align, but she has to move far away to fulfill hers", "we enjoy each other's company, but we both work late and can only see each other on sundays". i understand the need to classify and quantify those things, but the truth is it doesn't work. you can't take every circumstance into account, let alone chance.

Ah, but it's not always that. It often works. That's why there are lifelong friends and lovers.

The notion of "boxes" may be too rigid. Perhaps it's better to say that there are guide posts. It's true that we can't account for every circumstance, but we can determine what we like and what we don't; what's good for us and what's not.

The thing the strikes me about all of those caveats is that they seem to be so all or nothing. When I say that someone has values that are similar to mine, I don't mean to say that s/he and I never disagree; I mean "similar" in the most literal of senses. It's the same for all the rest. My life goals would still align with someone who had to move away; the choice I would have to make is whether or not to follow (in my case, I actually did sort of make that choice. And I'm glad for it). And I would still enjoy the company of someone whom I couldn't see as often as I'd like; I'd just have to make sure to put in the effort to see them when I could.

Compatibility isn't a guarantee. But I think it's a valid starting point, and I think it makes sense to look for someone who meshes with you.

[ SECRET POST #2717 ]

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?