fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2717 ]

[ SECRET POST #2717 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2717 ⌋

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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry!

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People always say there is but I'm not sure. Lately I'm starting to think I'm just too weird to ever find anyone and maybe I'm just meant to end up alone.

Do you guys feel like it's possible for everyone to find a compatible match or some people just aren't supposed to?

Yeah, but that doesn't mean you will find them. And they may not be a romantic partner.

I think with the amount of people we have in the world, yes, there is at least one person compatible with each person. In fact I think the odds that it's just one are very slim. But that doesn't mean you'll meet them or that it'll be happily ever after if you do.

I think with the amount of people we have in the world, yes, there is at least one person compatible with each person.

Even if you're into really really really weird unusual rare sexual things?

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 00:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

a_potato - 2014-06-12 00:23 (UTC) - Expand

I agree with this wholeheartedly. I don't believe in soul mates at all but I do believe that the sheer staggering number of people means that there are probably multiple people that most people could be compatible with. But your paths might not cross.

If serial killers on death row can get love letters from women, you can find someone too.

there's no perfect match. people are never completely compatible; there'll always be things you like and things you don't about them. the best thing you can hope for is someone that likes you enough (and that you like enough in return) to be willing to spend the rest of their life with you.

Edited 2014-06-12 00:21 (UTC)

+1

There's no such thing as "someone out there FOR you" or that some people are "supposed" to find a "match" and some aren't. Destined soul mates don't exist. Will some people go their whole lives never being in a romantic relationship? Sure. It has nothing to do with destiny or intended match-ups, though.

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

rubbertea - 2014-06-12 00:35 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 00:53 (UTC) - Expand

Nicely said. I agree; I think no matter how much you love someone there's always going to be something you don't like about them, or things you can't agree with them on. People are too complex for anything else. But that doesn't mean you can't find someone that you won't be able to make it work with, if you put in the effort.

Granted, not everyone might be so lucky, but I do feel like for everyone there's at least one person (or even several) that would be a reasonable 'match' if the circumstances were right.

(Then again, since I assume we're talking about romantic relationships, some people just aren't into that. Even then, yea, if we're talking about someone you can care about and connect with without romance I feel the same.)

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

lunabee34 - 2014-06-12 00:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

elaminator - 2014-06-12 01:10 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

lunabee34 - 2014-06-12 01:26 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

a_potato - 2014-06-12 01:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

rubbertea - 2014-06-12 00:44 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

elaminator - 2014-06-12 01:17 (UTC) - Expand

Somehow I missed this on my first sweep through.

I agree that there's no perfect match, but I don't think that compatibility is about perfection. It's more about...being able to check off enough boxes. Do you have similar values? Similar senses of humor? Do your life goals align? Do your interests dovetail? Do you genuinely enjoy one another's company, and are you able to get along? Are you able to satisfy one another sexually? Are you both willing to work at a relationship?

When I come across someone like anon, I read it as "can I find someone with whom I can check off the requisite number of boxes?" But that may be due to my own bias, because I'm like you and I don't think that there's any one person out there for anyone.

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 02:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

rubbertea - 2014-06-12 02:29 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

a_potato - 2014-06-12 03:15 (UTC) - Expand

Honestly? I believe there is MORE than one someone for everyone.

I think that there are several people we meet that could be "the one".

That being said, there's a few remarks to that. The first is that you have to be open to it, and that sounds really obvious, but some people do not realize they are not. As a teen, I was actively pushing people away, and well...I was single. The reverse is also true: there is such a thing as desperation showing, and that's also unappealing.

Lastly,I do believe there are some environments that are less-than-ideal to be in when looking for love. Finding new friends/hobbies/passions can do wonders.

personally I always found love when I wasn't looking for it, when I was just happy doing my own thing and having fun with it.

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 04:59 (UTC) - Expand

Not a significant other, but definitely friends.

I think it is possible for everyone to find a compatible match. There are a damn lot of people in the world, and none of us is really all that unique.

But here's the trouble: it actually takes some effort to find one of those people. It involves putting yourself out there and taking risks and opening yourself up to heartache and rejection. It also involves becoming the sort of person that someone else would like to be with (and that doesn't mean changing your interests or your tastes. It means being able to step outside of yourself and truly treat another well).

I'm not trying to cast aspersions, so forgive me if it comes across that way. You probably just haven't come across someone yet who meshes with you, and that's normal and okay. But trust me when I say that you aren't as weird as you think you are. I guarantee that there are people out there who are even weirder than you, and I also guarantee that there are people out there who are just your level of weird. It might just take you awhile to find them.

So take heart. And also, as hard as it may seem, try not to worry about it too much. There's so much to enjoy about life, and being in a relationship is a very small part of it.

No. Some people suck, and I honestly think awful people deserve to be alone.

Assuming you're not emotionally abusive or something, though, there's probably someone out there who you're compatible with.

I generally think so, although not if you're expecting the perfect soul mate.

To steal a line from Dan Savage (whatever else I think of his ideas, I do rather like this one), the trick isn't to find "The One" for you. It's to find the 0.92 or 0.87 that you feel strongly enough about to round up. Not to say lower your standards, but recognize that no actual person will live up to all the idealized "partner" criteria you have in your head.

And given some of my friends (and hell, myself!) who have found people, I have a really hard time believing anyone is too weird to find someone. It's a matter of finding someone with compatible weirdness.

Honestly, I'm not sold on the idea of "the one" for everybody.

There might be "the one" for many people, but if let's say a guy is a widower and finds love again, then that's evidence there was more than one for him.

I don't care much for fairytale bullshit since it gives such a wrong impression. A lot of things in pop culture and society get passed off as love as well (like infatuation, obsession, lust, conditional like or pain) or they present one ideal and expect everyone to work toward that, as if the same thing would appeal to all people.

I don't think it's a terrible thing to never get married, or if you don't have a lifelong partner or whatever. You just have to be comfortable in your own skin and know what you want. Not what society wants, not what mom and dad and friends tell you that you want.

Compatible match... well, going with what's said above, that can depend on what you consider compatible. Is he/she compatible with you and your life, or compatible with someone else's ideal? What exactly are you looking for in a potential lover? Are they things you can live with or without? What are you willing to take a chance on? Do you fear you'll end up settling if you do end up with someone?

The thought of settling has always been a little scary to me. I don't mind being alone for the rest of my life, but I would never want to latch onto some guy I thought was "good enough" for my inner circle, because I don't think it would be fair to him or me. But I also know I'm at a point where I'm neither open nor ready to be letting some guy into my life, because I'm still learning to take care of myself. And if I do want a guy in my life, I want it to be on my (and his) terms. I don't want to follow some rules that society laid out for me or god forbid it's "all wrong." But that's just me.

Sorry, I'm not sure I answered your question. I just tend to jot down a lot of thoughts and they end up scattered all over my posts. Maybe it is possible there isn't a match for everyone, but at the same time, it could just be a matter of perspective (not necessarily to settle). Also, people change and grow, either together or apart. There are no guarantees. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't take a chance, if you're really serious.

Sort of? Like, I believe there's groups of people who are more likely to end up together but...one specific person? No.

Dan Savage says the latter. I want to believe the former.

i subscribe to louis ck's newsletter on this - http://stand-up-comic-gifs.tumblr.com/post/86099637835/depression-and-movies-louis-c-k-just-described

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 02:11 (UTC) - Expand

There's billions of people in the world, and several million within reasonable traveling distance of most individuals that share an age-group. It's seems more impossible to me that none of them would be a match for you than otherwise. But I think finding them requires one stepping out of one's comfort zone a lot, not just by dating, but going places and learning things and taking chances that opens one up to whole different horizons, and therefore whole different subsets of people. By doing so, you not only meet new people, but you become the kind of person others want to meet, and it increases the chances of two people making a connection they otherwise never would have.

Or, at least, that's my philosophy.

Edited 2014-06-12 02:32 (UTC)

Statistically, there are eight available people within an hour's drive of you that will fit your requirements for a romantic partner.

(Most valuable thing I learned from my Psychology 101 class. That and there's a cucumber in the closet.)

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 02:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 06:00 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 03:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 04:59 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

(Anonymous) - 2014-06-12 06:01 (UTC) - Expand

I don't think everyone NEEDS to. Some people are quite happy on their own.

And really I think that's the key to making life work, whether you find someone or not. Someone who can't feel "complete" by themselves is not likely to feel "complete" just because someone else shows up. And then if you learn to enjoy your life on your own, and someone comes along who makes it better? BONUS!

Re: Do you really believe there's someone out there for everyone?

nyxelestia - 2014-06-12 03:57 (UTC) - Expand

Nope. No one is "for" someone else. You just make the most of the people you reach and have around you. The person or people you love should be a friend, possibly even a best friend, though definitely not your only one and not the only person you rely on in life.

You don't find "soul mates" (for lack of a better term) - you make them, and make yourself into one.

But then, I think predestination and ~twu wuv~ (and, honestly, the concept of souls mates) are bullshit, so you may consider my opinion irrelevant. A lot of people do.

I've met 3 "somebody"s for me. Two of them were a bust, and the third is likely to never happen unless major life plan changes happen for one or both of us.

So, I don't know. I also don't seem to be the type to go out and date, I just get into Relationships. ^-^;;;

No. I'm a very ugly hetero female with a weird personality and I hate kids. I'm fucked.

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