[ SECRET POST #2717 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2717 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Late day at work, sorry!

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 031 secrets from Secret Submission Post #388.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Bereavement, I guess

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry to post here because it's no one's problem but mine but I've got this whole thing. My mom died a year and some ago and I'm still trying to deal with it. I was seeing a therapist but I stopped because I don't know why, I just did. For a while, I started feeling more stable but after my mom's birthday (would be birthday) in April, I sort of hit the skids again. I managed not to destroy my grades (I'm in college) but I started having these moments of anxiety. If I'm alone with my thoughts, I become so filled with terror and pain, I feel like I can't handle it. Sometimes, if someone mentions sickness or death or old age, I can't pull myself together. My professor mentions death every day and I can't deal with it. I'm managing by constantly engaging with TV, movies and manga. If I'm alone with myself, I get too frightened to handle it. I want these feelings to disappear but I'm terrified that if I went to a therapist and asked her for medication, the medication would kill me. I'm afraid that everything could kill me and kill the people I love. I just want to be able to not be afraid. What do I do? Is this normal? Does it ever go away?

Re: Bereavement, I guess

[nyxelestia]

Not all therapists will or even can give you medication. Or, find a counselor. A grief counselor if possible, though your college may have some counseling services as well. Or just go back to your therapist but explain your hesitance about the medication. They'll either work with you to find methods and solutions that don't involve medication, or medication is something that you really need - or at least need to try - then they will be in a position to help you overcome that fear.

One way to look at that "fear of everything", by the way, is, well, you're right - everything probably can kill you. But you're still alive, aren't you? I know it sounds a little condescending to say this, but if it helps: try to focus on going through your day and enjoying life as it happens. We are all going to eventually die, anyway. If you do die suddenly and prematurely, then it's a life well-lived and well-enjoyed, but realistically and most likely, you probably won't. You are going to lose the people you love, anyway, it's only a question of when. Instead of worrying about losing, just enjoy their company now before it happens.

I don't know how to help you with your fear through anonymous blog comments. All I can really offer is the advice to not let fear stop you. Even if you're afraid of something, go do it anyway. Either you are able to internalize how unfounded your fears are, nullifying them, are you are still afraid but you did it anyway, and that's some courage right there. :)

Re: Bereavement, I guess

[(Anonymous)]

I'd get back with a therapist, anon. Don't even worry or think about meds; that's not the point. Think of it as having someone you can really open up to and talk about this stuff with, because that's clearly something you need.

Re: Bereavement, I guess

[kallanda_lee]

First, anon - I'm so sorry for your loss.

It sounds like you are developing anxiety that centers around death and death-related issues. It's not abnormal, even. Th mind does strange things when in pain.

In my experience with therapists: sadly they're not all good, or a good fit, and rarely one might even do more harm than good. Doesn't mean you can't find a good fit, though. Just means the first one you go to might not be the right one.

If medication is not something you want to try right now, you do not HAVE to - know that. That being said, some of it helps.

But I think firstly you need to allow yourself to mourn, to cry, whatever. You sound like you've been doing your best at school, just carrying on -and that's admirable, but it sounds like you've been burying those deep feelings of grief to do so - and they're coming back to haunt you.

I can only advise to talk to someone, OP. To let it out. In a way that works for you. There are therapists that specialize in bereavement, that might be different than just a regular one. Your college might even have free services where someone is willing to lend an ear. What I find that works for me more than one on-one therapy is to have a small group of people that regularly meets up. Maybe a self-help group centered around bereavement would be a better fit than the therapist you had? I'm just posing ideas. There is not one single way to deal, but it sounds like you really need to talk to someone. These things can get worse, OP.

Re: Bereavement, I guess

[(Anonymous)]

I'm sorry for your loss.

Most thereapists [in the US at least] can't prescribe medicine. It's a limited number of states that allow someone to become licensed to do that - and that generally is reflected in what they're listed as. So, if they aren't listed as anything different and/or they haven't tried to prescribe you something, chances are they won't.

That said, meds can help if you're willing to give them a shot. They won't stop the pain [and no, even if you try the won't kill you most of the time - particularly ones that would be prescribed in circumstances like this]. However, they can help get to a place where things start becoming livable again and give you a place to build off of to start finding ways to cope/heal without feeling so overwhelmed.

As far as the grief and pain going away...Honestly? That depends on who you talk to. The two main viewpoints I've come across as "Yes, but it takes a lot of time" and "No, you just get so used to it that you don't notice the pain anymore". Personally, my experiences have led me to lean to the former - on the condition that you're in an emotional place where you can heal. That can take a lot of time in it's own right to get to so.

tl;dr: Going back to your therapist is probably a good idea though they generally can't prescribe meds, and the meds you'd mostly likely be put on couldn't kill you. Also, it can and normally does get better - but it can take a long time, and a lot of effort in some cases.