fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2725 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2725 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I really like this guy and I want to start talking to him over Facebook, see how it progresses from there. But I'm scared to make the first move. I don't want to seem weird, especially if he's not interested in me. I guess I need to move out of my comfort zone and take a chance, but I don't know how to get over my fear of rejection.

Ask yourself what the consequences are if you get rejected. Just embarrassment? Awkwardness with other relationships? Where do you know him from?

Think of it this way too: if he really liked you and started talking to you first, he'd be taking an equally big risk.

We all get rejected sometimes. It sucks, but it happens, and at the end of the day, as long as the other person wasn't an ass about it, it's not that big of a deal.

First off: totally hear you on terrifying rejection thing. It's really, really hard to take the first step.

Second off: I can't really speak to starting a facebook messaging thing, but I did at one point spend something like 6 months psyching myself up to ask a friend out. Honestly, even though he wasn't interested, it was way better to just have an answer than to stress over how to make a move. And, while there was like a week of awkwardness, we're still very close friends several years later. So it also won't necessarily ruin everything to say something.

Third: for the actual facebook message instigation, try sending a link to something you think he'd like or find interesting. That's a low-stakes and reasonable way to open the conversation.

Thank you, guys! You both really put it in perspective for me. If I don't do it, I'll probably just end up regretting it forever. I'll probably try to keep it friendly first, because we do have so many mutual friends that might make it a little awkward if things go weird, but at least if I talk to him I can gauge his interest level. But if things go badly, (and I'm pretty sure there's nothing majorly horrific that can happen from just saying 'hi') I think everyone would be nice enough to not make it into a huge deal.

Rejection is pretty scary, but it's something that we blow up in our own minds from molehills to mountains. You have a lot more control over the embarrassment factor than you think you do, I promise. It sounds silly, but... if you pretend you are cool with it and keep acting normally (even if you're faking like crazy), chances are nobody will notice OR care. That's true for 99% of social interactions. Fake it till you make it.

Plus you're not even talking about asking him out, just chatting. How would you talk to him if you were just talking to a friend and not a guy you like?

[ SECRET POST #2725 ]

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