fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2728 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2728 ⌋

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I'm very introverted so I like to have a lot of alone time. However, never being able to interact with people, and feeling lonely and abandoned is totally another story. I'm currently in a situation where I spend almost all my time alone and I rarely get to socialize with anybody, and absolutely zero personal connections or conversations besides those I have with my family. Any advice? I'm struggling to just go with the flow and be comfortable with it right now.

OP, I could have written up a very similar...OP-thing a month or two ago (the difference is I'm home from college atm, which has alleviated some of the loneliness). I really like my privacy and after roommate drama from last year I thought I'd be fine with living by myself; I'm fine living by myself, but I essential inadvertently cut off most contact with my old roommates (who are friends, just got a little drama-y), and my only social contact was with other friends, but only during classes. Got to the point where I even looked up definitions of loneliness and stuff on Google. For me it felt like an urge to do something that can't be filled very easily even though you think that doing whatever it is will help, and I'm wondering what it feels like to you. I don't really have any advice for you though, but I think what did help a bit was playing online co-op multiplayer games, but not sure that will exactly help you.

It sounds like you're feeling better now so I'm glad for you. Being alone or in solitude is one thing, but prolonged loneliness is awful.

I'd have to say that "having an urge that can't be filled" is a pretty good way to put it. I need somebody I also feel that it's pointless to do much of anything because I have nobody to share those things with. Sadly, I too got desperate and was google-ing things a few days ago, just hoping to find some advice for learning to be okay with being a hermit.

I don't think the videogame thing would help much, but it might. I know it would help to socialize a bit. I probably really need to actually have a real relationship with somebody with meaning and emotional connection. I.E. make a friend, I currently only have one and it's a bit of a stretch to even count them at this point in time, no real "connections" at all and they rarely speak to me these days. I don't see making any friends in my near future, unfortunately.

Sorry I sound so dramatic, I don't mean to sound that way.

When that happened to me, I adopted a cat.

If you are not in a place where you can adopt a cat, maybe volunteer at an animal shelter? If you can do animals, of course. If you can't, maybe see if you can volunteer somewhere in a capacity where you don't have to interact with too many people? Like shelving books at a library- yes, you'll have to interact with some people, but maybe not as much as you would have if you volunteered to, say, read to children, or something?

Out of curiosity (and I'm not judging here), why the "get to"? Is there something preventing you from spending time with others outside of your family, or is it just a personal preference?

Its a mix of prevention and preference. I live in a small town, and the few people in my area who are my age either don't have an interest in me or are not exactly people I want to be around. I am currently in a situation where I rarely leave my house, and I can't drive so I'm confined to my little town. My only friend is no longer living here and rarely speaks to me right now. Right now I'm just trying to figure out how I can accept being a hermit and then let it go and get on with my life.

I know this feeling completely. I'm an introvert and also like plenty of alone time, but if I don't spend time with people, I get lonely and feel pretty insignificant. Making new friends is tough. Maybe there's some kind of class or club you can join? That's the easiest way to socialize that's still consistent. For example, join a martial art, or a writer's group, or something. It can be as little as an hour or two a week, but still help you have that opportunity to "get out" of your shell.

It wasn't clear from your comment, but... do you want this to change and are your circumstances such that you'd be able to get out and socialize if the opportunities arose? Because if it is, then I'd suggest pursuing a hobby of some kind, maybe a new one. Meetup.com can be good for finding existing groups to join or just browsing what's available. Fire up Google maps and look up all the parks within your area and visit each one.

If you're not able to physically get out and socialize, then I'd suggest trying to reframe the situation by being kind to yourself. If you have a free evening, use it to do something you've been meaning to do, but haven't done yet. Learn to knit, read a book, catch up on movies/TV, cook a nice meal for yourself, etc. Keeping busy is a really good way to not feel lonely when you're alone, because doing something productive (or semi-productive) feels useful.

[ SECRET POST #2728 ]

Advice wanted! Dealing with feeling alone.

Re: Advice wanted! Dealing with feeling alone.

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Re: Advice wanted! Dealing with feeling alone.

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Re: Advice wanted! Dealing with feeling alone.