[ SECRET POST #2740 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2738 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


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02.


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03.
[Fargo]


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04.
[The Dark Tower]


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05.
[Free!]


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06.
[Edge of Tomorrow]


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07.
[Iggy Pop]


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08.
[Sarah Jane Adventures, Quantum Leap]


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09.
[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]


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10.
[Kamui Cosplay]


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11.
[Marvel Comics]


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12.
[Deep Space Nine]


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13.
[Sarah Jane Adventures]




























14. [repeat]


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15. [SPOILERS for Infinity Gauntlet]



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16. [SPOILERS for Smallville]
[WARNING for suicide]



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17. [WARNING for suicide]



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18. [WARNING for rape]



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19. [WARNING for suicide]





















Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #391.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[fscom]

17. [WARNING for suicide]
http://oi60.tinypic.com/2vcj1pz.jpg

[kallanda_lee]

You know, I get it. It's impossible to know as a bystander if your friend was actually suicidal or doing it for attention.

But the thing is, OP, sometimes people become so self-destructive that they drag others down with them. It's a sad situation, but it sounds like you were protecting yourself.

[(Anonymous)]

I doubt they were suicidal. They are just trying to manipulate you into staying.

Pretty much.

[(Anonymous)]

Yep, pretty much. This was my first thought. It's amazing what people would say to continue getting attention. People fake illnesses all the time. They fake!die just so they'd get the last word and so others in fandom would feel sorry for them.

Don't fall for this trap. Faking death and sickness is more common than you think. The same people crawl back into fandom under a new name later on and you're none the wiser!

[(Anonymous)]

Beat me to it. Yeah yeah yeah can't take the chance etc. but I've had family members who would be dead ten thousand times over, if they weren't like this. It's basically the lowest form of manipulation someone can pull on another human being. You did the right thing, OP, and shouldn't feel guilty; your "friend" has probably found somebody else to fill the same gap by now.

[(Anonymous)]

SO not even a little bit your fault. That person obviously had a lot of problems (even if they were just attention-seeking, using suicide threats as that method is messed up and shows they have issues) but that is NOT. ON. YOU. You're not her family, you're not a psychologist, you weren't even really a friend... In fact, having a stranger online endlessly indulge her probably would have done more harm than good. You did everything you could in recommending she seek help.

The fact that you gave her so much time and effort says a lot about your character. We have to put our own mental health first, and having that sort of weight on you would only have dragged you down. I really hope you can understand this at some point and don't feel so awful about it.

[(Anonymous)]

OP, there's only so much you can do for someone else when they have issues. It's not about being mean, it's about looking out for your own mental health as well. Help them as much as you can, but if they're not willing to help themselves, or help you help them, then your only two choices are to break away or let them break you.

You are not a bad person.

[elaminator]

IA. Doing what you did doesn't make you a terrible person, it means you have a sense of self-preservation. And honestly, some people just don't want help, or won't take it even when you offer it. You can talk yourself blue in the face but it someone isn't ready for help then you aren't going to make a difference. That isn't your fault at all, and again, you obviously did all you could before cutting contact with her. It's alright; you have to think of yourself too.

[(Anonymous)]

You're totally not a piece of shit, OP. You had to do what was best for you.

As someone who has been through two emotionally manipulative fandom friendships, I completely get where you're coming from. Sometimes I'm tempted to reconnect with those people, but then I remember the shit that I had to put up with, and I know it's in my best interest not to. Especially when I heard that they destroyed another friendship doing the same things that they did to me.

But now I wonder if you had to deal with the same people I had to deal with.

[(Anonymous)]

I had a fandom friend like this. I know she had mental health problems, but she was very manipulative and enjoyed trying to turn people in our group against each other by spreading rumours and starting drama. The worst was that in our group, we had another friend who had chronic depression, and the first friend would dump all of her problems on the other friend, which was constantly triggering episodes for her. They were from the same area and met each other in person a couple times, but it was obvious how much the first friend was manipulating the second one. Thankfully, second friend cut ties with her and is doing a lot better.

Good foryou

[insanenoodlyguy]

You got rid of a worthless parasite. Most of them are just saying they'll do it for attention anyway*. I hope you can be proud of what you did one day.

*(not everybody who says this, everybody who repeatedly says this again and again online)

[cassandraoftroy]

You've got nothing to feel guilty for, OP. It's natural to want to help a friend who is going through difficult times or mental health issues. Some people genuinely need that help, and some people take advantage of their friends' goodwill for attention or validation. In either case, one thing remains true: you have to affix your own oxygen mask before helping your seatmate. Trying to be a friend's sole psychological lifeline is damaging to your own mental well-being, and you won't do them, yourself, or anyone else any good if you let yourself be dragged under by them. You did what you could, but what your friend needed was the aid of a trained professional, which you are not. I hope you can try to let go of that guilt, because you didn't do anything wrong.

Your "friend" isn't suicidal OP

[(Anonymous)]

You have nothing to apologize for -- you did the right thing by cutting a toxic presence out of your life and not feeding into their cycle of manipulation.

Suicidal people don't behave the way your "friend" is behaving. People who are suicidal feel so much shame and worthlessness that many of them find it impossible to seek help because they don't want to be a "burden." They don't stir up drama the way your friend is. Instead, they keep to themselves and isolate themselves because they feel so profoundly worthless and hopeless that they don't think they matter. The shame comes from not understanding why they feel this way and why they can't just "get over it."

When suicidal people DO manage to reach out, they're apologetic -- because they think no one can help or no one would care. But to repeatedly harass you over and over again and creating problems for you is the LAST thing that a suicidal person would do. They already feel so profoundly worthless that they wouldn't want to hurt the people they care about.

Your friend is trying to make you responsible for their feelings. That is not the behavior of a suicidal person. It's the behavior of a manipulator who is taking advantage of your empathy.

Re: Your "friend" isn't suicidal OP

[kallanda_lee]

While you might very well be right about OP's friend - not all suicidal people are inherently apologetic, and reasons for not seeking help might be complex.

Again, you might be right, but I think it's a bit dangerous to assume all suicidal people it that mold.

Re: Your "friend" isn't suicidal OP

[(Anonymous)]

Well said! It's all for show, I'm sure of it. The need for attention is telling, the friend basks in it and craves it and manipulates nice people like OP. I've seen it too many times over the 15+ years in fandoms to fall for suck tricks anymore.

Don't feel bad about your "friend", OP. You're better off without manipulative woe-is-me fakes!

Re: Your "friend" isn't suicidal OP

[(Anonymous)]

How the hell would you know this? Not every suicidal person reacts the same way. OP did what she had to do, but go fuck yourself.

[dinogrrl]

Unless you've been trained to do this for your job, you cannot be expected to be someone's chronic support in this kind of situation.

I had a so-called friend a long time ago who acted a lot like what you describe, though she was constantly talking about mental illness and not suicide. Finally cut her out of my life after about three years. It hurt but it was the best thing I ever did. Based on my experience with her...OP, I highly doubt either your presence, or lack thereof, in your friend's life will make any difference in what they do. They have to take responsibility for themselves in the end, and the longer they have supports like you to dump on, the harder it is for them to learn those skills for themselves.

[electromouse]

You did the right thing by cutting them off your life, OP.

[duaedesigns]

If your friend asked you to operate on their gall bladder to remove stones, would you go "Let me just grab my kitchen knife!"? Hopefully not. So why would they expect you to give them professional medical help on their brain instead of their gall bladder?

Actual suicidal urges need to be handled by a doctor, just like gallstones. All you can do as a layperson is go "Get thee to a real doctor, stat."

OP

[(Anonymous)]

Thank you guys. Reading your comments almost made me cry. This has been weighing so heavily on me, I've had a few sleepless nights and even several dreams about them doing it and it being my fault because I stopped talking to them. It's a weight off my shoulders that no one thinks I did a terrible thing.

I've only ever once previously had to cut contact with a fandom friend, and it's always hard for me. But thank you. <3

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

*hugs* Get some well-deserved rest, OP. It sounds like you might need it!

<3

Re: OP

[(Anonymous)]

Be kind to yourself OP. <3