fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2747 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2747 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[The Hobbit/Thorin Oakenshield]

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[The Vincent Black Shadow]

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[El Goonish Shive]

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[Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries]

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[Penny Dreadful]

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[Supernatural]

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[Blake's 7]

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[Edge of Tomorrow/Tom Cruise]

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[Quirk]

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[Homestuck]

18. [WARNING for rape]

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19. [WARNING for rape]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #392.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 (tw: rape) - not!secrets ], [ 1 (?) - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - ships it ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

AYRT: A and B have sex. A shows clear consent, B does not but totally wants it. That's obviously not rape (both parties were consenting). But of course, A has no real way of knowing that it wasn't rape, so that's shitty.

I think seeing that your partner is enjoying the act is a pretty faithful indicator that they're not being raped. Just a thought, hmm.

There are more ways of showing consent than verbally, that's true. The clarity of signals is on a sliding scale. The closer to "explicitly, enthusiastic and verbal" you get, the more sure you can be that you're not committing rape.

If you don't believe that people accidentally rape other people, you really ought to read a few survivor stories.

But I'm not going to make the first move, so I'm not going to rape anyone. In fact I want someone to pounce me already.

If I enjoyed it then I wasn't raped. Don't try to speak for me, cunt.

She's a tumblrshit, she hates people making their own decisions on their own personal life. Everyone must do exactly as she does! Independent thoughts will NOT be tolerated!

That's exactly what I'm describing like two posts further up - "this obviously isn't rape, A just has no way of knowing that". How you got "this is rape!" out of "this isn't rape, it's just shitty" will forever remain your secret.

Shut the fuck up, you misogynistic animal. Don't ever use a term like again.

I still think that if your partner is enjoying the act, that's a very faithful indicator that they're not being raped. And if, you know. They don't consider themselves raped. But you don't sound like the type that accepts different opinions.

Yeah, it's a pretty strong signal. In fact, I think body language is probably very comparable to verbal on-the-spot agreement because tone and body language are equally difficult to read, so they provide both roughly the same degree of information re: consent. Also, I think body language is easier and less embarrassing for a lot of people, and not being embarrassed during sex is much more awesome than being embarrassed during sex.

If you actually know your partner doesn't consider themselves to have been raped, you're, uh, obviously pretty golden re: the accidentally raping thing. Not sure why you're bringing this up?

Except no?

See above. If you're not getting a clear signal of consent (and they are wide and varied), then you're shit out of luck for telling whether you're actually raping someone or not.

Some things many people think are clear signals of consent that actually aren't:
- Being in a sexual relationship with someone
- Saying no but then clearly going along with it anyway
- Being currently in a sexual encounter

These all might indicate consent in any given situation, but "might" really isn't good enough if the consequence of being wrong is accidentally raping someone.

I do all that stuff and I've never been raped. Stop pushing your retarded beliefs on me.

I'm not talking about getting raped, yanno? But reading is p. hard. I admit it was a long post.

If I don't think I've been raped, then you need to stop worrying? I'll dump your indecisive ass if you need to stop asking every stupid meaningless thing and don't fuck me already.

If I go along with it that means I gave my consent. If I said no earlier, it means I changed my mind. Please do not try to speak for me, only I decide on my own consent and I'll give it to whoever I please, however I please and whenever I please. Even if I said no before, it's my right to change my mind at any moment and turn it into a yes. It's my sexual life so mind your own business.

Oh yeah sure, absolutely. None of what you write contradicts any of what I wrote. :D

I like how you try to speak for everyone.

Of course, don't you know, you don't have a right to your own life.

That's because I'm talking about facts re: incomplete information and risks of accidental rape. I ain't telling anyone they got raped.

The calling people who use unclear signals an asshole thing? That's not factual. That's just like, my opinion, man. But the rest is pretty much the unshakable truth of our world.

:D But hey, what's logic and facts in view of your ~private sex life~, ey?

That's because that's how most people express their consent, genius. If you want to play the special snowflake, go do it somewhere where you don't piss on other people's sexual lives.

There's always a risk of accidentally raping someone, although it's usually negligible.

The less clear the signals you rely on are, the higher the risks get. This probably makes you uncomfortable, but it's a fact. Rape is a risk when you're having sex, and trying to minimise it (much like the risk of pregnancy and STI transmission) is a good idea. How safe you want to be exactly is, as always, obviously up to you.

Of course, in this case, by refusing to give clear signals, you're also helping to establish a standard that makes accidental rapes more likely, because you're giving people the experience that these signals were sufficient. That doesn't make you a rape victim, it just makes you the kind of person who causes victims of accidental rape down the line. If you're cool with that, I'm not gonna stop you. Just, you know. Own up to it.

Nice attempt at guilt-tripping people, but it would have had more effect if you had also mentioned the poor starving children in Africa.

Pro-tip: just because you see it as rape doesn't mean everyone else has to.

Pro-tip: Understand clearly expressed stance before resorting to mocking.

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