[ SECRET POST #2751 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2751 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 043 secrets from Secret Submission Post #393.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - tar fields, I assume. No more linking after this. If you want to play a character, do it in the Games thread or a roleplay community, please ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Everyone has that one hobby/pet/thing they love that they want to share with everybody because sharing something makes it even more awesome.

I just equate pushing parenthood with me offering to teach everyone I know how to drive stick and awkwardly gushing about it to a bunch of too-polite automatic drivers.

[nyxelestia]

Please gush about it, I really want to learn how to drive stick but don't really know anyone who can both teach me and actually has a stick-shift car to teach me with. :P

A little more on-topic: Weaver's comment is a little condescending, but not...that much, I guess? Or at least it doesn't come across that way, to me. I mean on one hand, parenthood isn't something everyone should do and shouldn't be pushed on anyone, and this whole "every woman needs to be a mother" mentality is unhealthy. On the other hand, most people do aspire for family or familial relationships.

Speaking as someone who is very career focused and not really interested in family, I don't find it particularly presumptuous to assume that most people in general look forward to a family of some kind, typically a long-term relationship and children. Extending that, if you were to give me someone who I didn't know much about, I wouldn't think much of assuming they are one of that majority until I have reason to believe otherwise.

Now, continuing to believe/insist someone really just wants to be a parent/family after they said they haven't is a different can of worms entirely. If you know someone doesn't want family or kids and continue to project that desire on them, anyway, that's different. But I don't know if lack of a desire for family is well known about Katherine Hepburn, so I'm not sure where to place Weaver's comments on that matter.

tl;dr - I wouldn't blame someone for assuming that I want kids one day, I'd only get upset if they insisted I must want kids after I said I don't/they are not a priority.

[sarillia]

I'm a little tired of assumptions of fitting into the majority (like how I'm straight until proven otherwise). Why do people have to assume anything? Can't they just recognize that they don't know until they ask or it comes up in conversation somehow?

[nyxelestia]

The thing about assumptions is that they do speed things up and smooth things over. I definitely get the frustration, being someone who runs counter to most stereotypes and assumptions. But I also know that I use them, and that more often than not I'm right, and the times I'm wrong are easily cleared up. That's why we have them in the first place.

We don't do well with blanks, so we use presumed information to fill them in. I don't find fault in anyone doing that, because I know that when it comes to day-to-day, on-the-spot situations, they are more helpful than not. The only thing I don't do well is people being immovable on those assumptions, refusing to "edit the blanks" so to speak, and THAT'S where the problems start.

[(Anonymous)]

"We don't do well with blanks, so we use presumed information to fill them in. I don't find fault in anyone doing that, because I know that when it comes to day-to-day, on-the-spot situations, they are more helpful than not."

look at you, being all sane and shit

[nyxelestia]

Uh, thanks? :)

[(Anonymous)]

As a woman who doesn't want kids, I don't think your equivalency holds up, at least in my experience. Whenever I've told someone I wasn't really interested in any other interest they had, be it rock climbing or horses or painting or whatever I have never been told that I'll change my mind, that I'm being selfish, or that there's something wrong with me. Those are things I've only heard when I said I don't want kids.

There's an underlying assumption that all women want to be mothers and although it's getting better for those of who don't want to be, it's still not a life choice that's as accepted as it should be. And when/if the day comes that I get the same reaction from telling someone I don't want kids as I do when I say I have no interest in learning to water ski, I will be very happy.

[(Anonymous)]

This. Having children is nothing like having a hobby and... yeah, I'm at a loss for words that anyone thinks this is a great comparison. The issue of women and having children carries with loads of baggage. My parents will never, ever pressure me into taking up knitting or collecting stamps. No one will ever come up to me at a birthday party and say, "Ohhh, 32 years old! Better start developing an interest in bonsai before your eggs dry up!" or "You know, once a woman turns 30, her ability to handcraft miniature models of Civil War battlefields decreases dramatically." or "You should hurry up and get married before taking up geocaching!"

Not the same. At all.

[(Anonymous)]

As a woman who does want kids, I agree with your position completely. It's ridiculous and delusional for someone to compare raising a child to a hobby. Parenting is a full time job. Unless you want your kid to end up being a entitled narcissist from getting spoiled too much out of laziness to discipline or have your child ending up having major self-esteem issues and depression from not getting emotional support or being a victim of abuse, you have to make sure you're 100% on board to effectively parent your kids. That means wanting to be a parent, loving and supporting your children, and making sure they grow up to be functional human beings who respect others.

This is not some hobby like learning how to knit, and anyone who treats their kids more as an interest than a human being that needs to be nurtured probably should not be a parent in the first place.

[(Anonymous)]

ok, so what about the people whose hobbies ARE their jobs. leaving aside OP's example about driving stick, let's say i'm a professional biker and I'M LIKE TOTALLY INTO BIKING; IT'S SO GREAT GUYS; IT'S LIKE MY LIFE. i run into someone who's like "no, i don't like biking, i've never liked biking, i see people biking and i'm like 'ugh i'm so glad i'm not biking'. i want to drive everywhere for the rest of my life".

then when i'm like "oh.... are you sure? but biking's so good for you and...the environment...it's great..."

then that person can be like "OMG QUIT JUDGING ME JUST LET ME BE BIKE FREE OK??"

is this better?

[(Anonymous)]

Lol what? Parenthood is beyond NOT a hobby. I don't see how driving stick (or driving at all, since I don't) could change my life drastically, I'd still fundamentally be the same person.