fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2752 ]

[ SECRET POST #2752 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2752 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Fargo]

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03.

[Orange is the New Black]

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04.

[Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton]

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05.

[DS9, Far Beyond the Stars]

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06.

[Starsky & Hutch]

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07.

[Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails]

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08.

[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]

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09.

[Galerians]

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10.

[Penny Dreadful]

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11.

[The Wolf Among us/Enslaved]

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12.

[Wes Craven's Scream franchise]

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13.

[One Piece]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #393.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
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My sister-in-law is having a baby shower in a month, and I was just wondering what the general protocol is for baby showers. Is it just for the first child? First, and then if there's a large gap before the next child? What if you get remarried and it's his first but not yours? Etc!

I was just curious about what most people do in this situation, so lay your opinions/experiences on me, FS! TYVM!

I think it for every child. But generally your guests should not be having to buy larger gifts (high chairs, car seats, strollers, etc) every time. And I don't even know if most baby showers have people buying those big items. The ones I have been to have been for family or close friends so myself and a sibling would go in together to buy something big.

Oh, I see I forgot to put the "every child" option...my friends/family haven't gotten past one child yet, and I thought I remembered someone telling me that showers were only for the first child, but I never actually looked into it. Thanks for the info!

In my experience, people usually just have a baby shower for the first child...maybe the second. My cousin had one for all four of her children and most of my family members were like "why the fuck does she need a party every single time she gets pregnant?". I've also noticed that reaction from other people as well over a similar situation. Personally, I don't give a shit but I know a lot of people who think it's proper etiquette to only have a shower for the first child.

sa

I live in Texas, btw. Not sure if there are regional differences for this kind of thing or if it even matters (especially since Texas is so huge that there are numerous regional differences about all sorts of things within the same state) but I thought I'd mention it

Hmm, this is also my experience - whereabouts in Texas are you? (I'm from Houston, btw)

Re: baby showers

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-16 23:51 (UTC) - Expand

Re: baby showers

fingalsanteater - 2014-07-17 00:17 (UTC) - Expand

I'm trying to think of anyone who had a baby shower for more than one of their children and failing. (Then again I don't know that many kids, so maybe I'm not the person to ask.)

I'm from Texas, too.

(However, I don't personally have a problem with people having more than one baby shower, but it isn't something I see much of.)

Re: baby showers

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-17 00:52 (UTC) - Expand

Re: baby showers

elaminator - 2014-07-17 01:30 (UTC) - Expand

Honestly my protocol is I try to not go to them. I feel like it's not so much about the kids, as the parents expecting expensive gifts, and if you're unlucky there's awkward conversations about the physical realities of childbirth, breastfeeding and other tings I can do without. Also getting babies dumped on your lap.

As for the rest, I don't think there's a protocol. Some people only do it for the first kid, others do it for every kid - the only constant I've known is that there are generally snacks and drinks on the side of the parents, and gifts for the kid on the side of the attendees. Otherwise I've seen very few rules about it.

I feel like it's not so much about the kids, as the parents expecting expensive gifts

THIS. So much this.

I think the original protocol for showers was to give gifts for people when they were starting out - with weddings, people were usually just entering into a brand new household together, and with babies, for the first baby (because again, they'd need a lot of stuff they didn't have). I consider it poor form to have a shower for each baby, and I do think that the tradition has just turned into a grab bag for some people.

I'm used to there being a shower for every birth. Sometimes it's just the first child, but that tends to be a "there's literally nothing we need" kind of deal. I think "first child" tends to be "per couple", but it tends to not come up, since you celebrate every child.

Gifts in my family tend to be 1) something you're passing down to the kid (I wore a dress made by my great-great-grandmother!) and 2) something for mom and maybe dad. Or gift cards, of course. Not-family just gives whatever they like.

(I wore a dress made by my great-great-grandmother!)

That's so neat! :)

I love those sorts of gifts. Both my girls have worn outfits that I wore as babies (heck, my mom saved her super adorable mod seventies maternity clothes and I was able to wear those the first time I was pregnant). My grandmother crocheted an outfit for my mom to wear as an infant that I wore and now both my daughters have worn. And I saved special things from when my first daughter was an infant 11 years ago that my youngest daughter has worn/is wearing.

You can google Miss Manners or Emily Post for baby shower etiquette but in general the idea is:

* baby showers are not thrown by family members, they're done by friends so as not to look like a gift grab
* they're meant to help out a new family in need of baby clothes, etc. so if your SIL already has a ton of stuff, then maybe one isn't necessary. If she'd still like one, then by all means have a party and try to take the focus off expensive gifts. Maybe ask everyone to bring their favorite childrens' book?

Mostly it's just common sense and not being greedy about stuff.

oh wow, didn't know that - I think all the baby showers I've ever been to have been by family members. (granted, these are usually MY family members, haha)

Re: baby showers

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-17 00:04 (UTC) - Expand

In my family everyone has one for every baby. I didn't know some people only did it for their first. (Butnow I wish mine would have...)

i'm against 'em

i think babies should take baths

http://instantrimshot.com/

Re: baby showers

kallanda_lee - 2014-07-17 00:02 (UTC) - Expand

I adore you.

I operate under the assumption that if one is invited to a party - baby showers and weddings included - one is not actually required to bring a gift just to get in the door (unless it's a charity fundraiser and the "gift" is a donation or non-perishable food item or something). I see nothing wrong with just throwing a party in anticipation of a baby - even if it's not the first baby - but gifts should be scaled to what the parents actually need that particular time around.

In my experience, every child gets a baby shower. The expecting parent/s really appreciate the free diapers and other various things that are pretty easy to go through really quickly no matter how many kids they have had prior to current baby about to be born.

I think that whatever anybody wants to do and people are willing to go along with is fine. LOL

I chose not to have a shower with my one year old daughter because I kinda think it's tacky to have showers after the first kid and also because I don't have a whole lot of close friends here, and having a shower would essentially be invited coworkers that I didn't know very well or am Not Friends With to give me presents.

Some caveats: I do not find it tacky to have showers with second and subsequent children in the case of twins (you need one more of everything!) or in cases where there is substantial age gap between siblings that probably means you've already gotten rid of the first baby's stuff (this was technically the case with us; ten and half years in between kids). I also do not think it is tacky when people you love want to throw you a shower.

I guess I really only think showers are tacky when it's clear the pregnant person is throwing themselves a greedy party. IDK

I've only been to one baby shower and as someone who isn't into children or wanting to have them it was actually a nice day, but me and my sister-in-law get on very well and we have similar interests so everyone who was into the baby talk were off to one side while those of use that weren't talked about other things(we intermingled as well ofc and gave small gifts over to my sister-in-law and has lots of tasty snacks, it was fun).

I have no idea if she'll be having another baby shower for her second child though.

From my experience baby showers have been fairly casual events. Of course, there's a bit more going on for first borns, but it's more for the parents to say "congratulations!" than for the baby. Usually it's like an open invitation for anyone who wants to stop by. Stay for 20 minutes or stay for a few hours. Immediate family usually gives bigger gifts, but gift cards and cards seem to be the norm for others. Especially if it's not the first baby. There's some refreshments, sometimes it's like a pot luck and cake. For me, it feels more like an occasion to get together with everyone and catch up on life.

Hereabouts (SoCal), it's almost exclusively for the first child. At least having a party with games and presents and stuff.

I think if it's immediate family and your closest friends, it's nice to get a little something for the second child but since they've got all the major "baby hardware" (carseat, diaper bag, crib, etc.) it'd just be something like an outfit and some board books.

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