fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2752 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2752 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Fargo]

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03.

[Orange is the New Black]

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04.

[Helena Bonham Carter and Tim Burton]

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05.

[DS9, Far Beyond the Stars]

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06.

[Starsky & Hutch]

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07.

[Trent Reznor, Nine Inch Nails]

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08.

[Captain America: The Winter Soldier]

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09.

[Galerians]

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10.

[Penny Dreadful]

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11.

[The Wolf Among us/Enslaved]

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12.

[Wes Craven's Scream franchise]

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13.

[One Piece]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 029 secrets from Secret Submission Post #393.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 1 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I've lost all faith in 'forever' monogamous relationships. I keep hearing/reading about people complaining about their relationships and how they just want to have casual sex/are tempted/don't want to waste their lives only being with one person/etc. Mostly stories from men, but some women too of course. I know it's fairly common for people to want to be monogamous, but I've been feeling weird for wanting something like that for a while now. Especially after being cheated on recently.

I know life is short and sex with lots of people can be amazing and all that, but I wish I could find a guy who didn't want to take every chance he was offered sex wise. I want someone to grow old with, so I can have someone to be with/be there for in my twilight years, but I feel like that won't be possible now if I don't just let an SO sleep around. I'd be too hurt/jealous to share a partner, however, so that's not possible. /First world problems.

Please don't minimize your legitimate concerns and sadness by book ending your post with "first world problems." This is a problem you are struggling with and where you live should have no bearing on it. It's okay to feel bad about this.

A lot of monogamously inclined people will still struggle with extrarelationship sexual desires. However, the non-shitty ones will not cheat on you. There are men and women out there who are not interested in acting on sexual desires outside their commuter relationship.

nayrt

This. The people who want casual sex are prob not looking to be in a monogamous relationship in the first place, and even if later on they were, you can't say for sure they'd cheat. Someone who is open about not wanting to be exclusive is honest at least, which is... the opposite of a cheater really. Lots of those people when they get older and want to settle down will swap from being honest about casual sex to being honest about being committed and monogamous. It's not a set one way or the other thing

Also, relationships are not exclusively first-world problems. I think it's kind of silly to assume that being poor or living in a war zone means everyone magically stops having feelings and never gets crushes or falls in love or falls out of love or gets cheated on, etc.

True, but if you're poor/in a warzone/etc, you have more important problems than not finding the right boyfriend/girlfriend.

There are always more important problems than not finding a boyfriend/girlfriend, but people don't always prioritize like they should. It's a human judgement call, so don't think that impoverished neighborhoods and warzones are completely devoid of silly romantic concerns.

Commuter relationship?

Oh, lol. Stupid autocorrect. I think I meant to say "committed."

Edited 2014-07-17 00:59 (UTC)

I find that funny, because I think my relationship possibly counts as a "commuter relationship". We live in different cities. But I didn't quite get the link with monogamy.

That's a cute typo though--there are probably hundreds of fanfic romcoms about commuter relationships. :)

Thank you for the advice

You'll find one who wants that too and won't screw up his chance to have it.

YANA, though I'm not specifically looking for a relationship atm. I think it depends on who you know, though. I've only dated a couple guys, but I've never been cheated on (afaik, but I have no reason to believe it ever happened with either). I'm a very, very monogamous person, and believe me, there are lots of other people, including men, who want the same thing! You will find them, even if it's frustrating.

Stop looking for it with people who are interested in casual encounters. Focus on dating before sex. Look for someone who isn't primarily interested in sex. Good luck, and I understand that is frustrating.

(My folks have been married for 26 years and they're doing just fine. There is hope! And I want to grow old with someone, too, anon.)

I have no problems being monogamous and neither does my partner. We've been together almost twenty years. Are you by chance the anon the other day who mentioned not being able to date a guy without him cheating? Therapy is good for that. Identifying the patterns and warning signs in the men who do this and the motivations behind why you choose them would be very, very valuable.

I think age and life experience plays a role. My boyfriend and I have been in a happy monogamous relationship for several years and we're in our late 20s. We've had some long talks about past relationships and feelings. We've both been in relationships where the other person cheated and we've both been that person who was unfaithful. So, we have perspectives on both sides. We've also both admitted to having phases in our lives where we wanted to jump the bones of every attracted person who we encountered. But it's out of our systems now. Now we're thrilled to have found someone we can share our days with and just be happy in each other's company. Which seems to be a hard thing to find, so we can appreciate it a lot more. It's very much a "been there, done that" state of mind. Sex is good and fun, but there needs to be more substance behind it. We can both satisfy each other on a physical and mental level, which is what we were looking for in a partner. So, I'd say don't give up. There are guys (and women) out there who do slow down and want more out of a relationship.

I know what you mean. I have been craving a meaningful, monogamous relationship for a long time now. I had a few casual sex encounters to try and get over some heartache prior to that, and it was fine while it lasted. But now I am ready for the real deal. It makes me feel so lonely though, hearing about all these guys who cheat, lie etc. I want to keep my eyes open though. I'm not totally without hope, but I'm very discouraged at the moment. I feel like I attract scumbags.

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