fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2761 ]

[ SECRET POST #2761 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2761 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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05. [SPOILERS for Radio Free Roscoe]

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06. [SPOILERS for Yu-Gi-Oh 5D's]

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07. [SPOILERS for Puella Magi Madoka Magica]

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08. [SPOILERS for The Burbs]

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09. [SPOILERS for Maleficent]

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10. [SPOILERS for Game of Thrones]

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11. [SPOILERS for Legend of Korra]

12. [WARNING for incest]

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13. [WARNING for rape]
http://i.imgur.com/JX1fY7K.jpg
[linked for porn/rape(?), live-action]

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14. [WARNING for abuse, rape, etc]

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15. [WARNING for dub-con, underage (?)]

Notes:

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I'm trying to see whether I'm nutty or not.

So, let's say you have an ex. One day, long after you've broken up, ex says to you, "there's a guy in your building who's into you, if you're interested."

My reaction to this is, "this man is over the break-up and now views his ex as a friend." The reaction of a lot of my friends is, "this man is a jerk and a loser and should be cut off entirely."

What are your thoughts? Is your reaction similar to mine, similar to my friends, or somewhere in between?

I'm with you on this. I would, however, wonder how he knew about this guy. :)

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 00:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

dancing_serpent - 2014-07-26 00:10 (UTC) - Expand

Similar to yours, but with "Well, chances are I'm not interested."

Wait, just to make sure I understand: is the ex talking about someone else who lives in the building, or is he talking about himself?

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 00:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

iceyred - 2014-07-26 00:16 (UTC) - Expand

I'm with you on this, based on the information given. Your friends seem kinda paranoid.

I can't even comprehend where your friends are coming from on that one.

Given that it's a been awhile, like you said, I'm more on your side.

A jerk? So long as he doesn't whip out his penis with a little top hat and mustache and shout, "Here I am!" in a high pitched voice, I think you're fine.

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 00:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

darkmanifest - 2014-07-26 04:17 (UTC) - Expand

I'm with you on this one. It sounds like you guys are on good terms.

Yeah, I don't get where your friends are coming from here. While I probably wouldn't go with the dating advice of an ex (there's a reason why they're an ex, after all) it's good that you're both at a place where he can give it, if you're planning on staying in each other's lives.

It would be a bit different if you hadn't spoken to each other in months and then he randomly popped out of a hallway to tell you this, of course!

I, honestly, don't get where your friends are coming at with that notion. I am with you. That's actually nice. He could have been one of those exes that intentionally tries to sabotage all of your future relationships. (Like a Romona Flowers evil ex.)

Beware of cocks bearing gifts...

My reaction would more be, "What did he say to him about me?" Just because I wouldn't put it past my exes to make up lies about me, like I'm easy or something. I wouldn't trust them because the break-up wasn't that great. So, I guess it just depends on how you and your ex ended things and how things are now.

Only you and your friends know what ex was like when you were dating, so it's hard to say? I'm assuming you're still amicable with the guy if you still talk. So your friends are being protective, but your first reaction is right.

Besides, if the information is left at your doorstep, it's up to you to do what you want with it :)

I'd question how he knows that, what he knows, and why someone who knows he's the ex-boyfriend of the person in question is talking about this with him.

Sounds super awkward to me.

Your friends are totally crazy.

I agree with you and honestly, in my experience friends are shit at giving relationship and sex advice. You know your ex and yourself better than they do. Go with your gut.

I think it depends: are there reasons your friends might say this? Was the break up bad? Was your ex known to be manipulative? Have you ASKED your friends why they think this?

In general, I would be cautious. Ask your ex questions about the guy. How does he know this? How and why did the topic get brought up to your ex?

I'm going to go against the whole "your friends are craaaaazy!" tide here because while their reaction seems a little extreme, is it based on this one thing your ex did, or is it based upon knowing your past histories together and other action/behavior they're familiar with?

I wouldn't discount his remark offhand, but it seems a little odd. You don't give us much context, but I'd accept your read on the situation if:

* your ex wasn't/isn't the jealous, sabotaging type
* the break up was amicable
* you've maintained a healthy, drama-free relationship with your ex for at least a year
* during that time you've been talking/seeing one another regularly *as friends* without major issues
* that you regularly speak about the other people you've both been dating (because you've both demonstrably moved on, yes?) after your break up without major issues or drama

It's been my experience that when it comes down to a person in a relationship with someone and a significant percentage of their friends thinking the partner's a jerk... the friends are more objective because they're not influenced by their romantic feels. Food for thought.

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 02:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 03:03 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 03:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 08:31 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

(Anonymous) - 2014-07-26 03:53 (UTC) - Expand

Re: How would you take this, F!S?

darkmanifest - 2014-07-26 04:21 (UTC) - Expand

I don't understand how this would make him a jerk...?

Either your friends are being protective of you or they assume the guy must have been talking about yourself.

They probably have their hearts in the right place, but ultimately - unless they are presenting new information you don't already know - you know best about him and your situation.

needs cooooooontext.

Those are some strange reactions from your friends, to be honest.

Of course, I don't know the nature of the relationship that was once between you and the ex. Was he the type to set people up (romantically or otherwise) as a cruel joke? Was he a jerk your whole relationship? Did he never show consideration or acknowledge you in appropriate ways while you were dating, but is suddenly Mr. Awesome Friend now?

If the ex was shitty to you and has no idea what makes a relationship work, I don't think I'd go as far as cutting him out of your life, but I'd be careful with the information he gives you. He might just be a clueless dweeb. If he's scheming to hurt you, then yeah, cut him off.

You haven't provided much context, OP. We're going to need more background and details to make that call. Ask yourself this... are your friends there for you when you need them? Do they support you emotionally? How's their judgment on other stuff besides your relationship status? Do they blow a lot of things out of proportion as a habit? And how many friends are we talking about here, one or two? Is it a significant portion of your peer group?

You tell the story in such a way as to make it very easy for people to agree with you, and lo and behold! Most people have. But what strikes me is... WHY do your act this way? If their judgment is dodgy and they're huge drama llamas, then yes, maybe they're wrong. But if they're generally good people who have your back and whose opinions you value, they might have a point-- or more likely, they might have reasons for viewing your ex in a less positive light.

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