fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2769 ]

[ SECRET POST #2769 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2769 ⌋

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It's not Weasley-Malfoy wank related, but RL related. I noticed that I prefer socializing with financially secure people. They're more relaxed, settled, generally have good manners. Also they can afford to spend some money when we hang out in cafes, movies or go on trips. No offence to people with money troubles.

I don't think it's "rich" versus "poor" so much as it can get kind of lame when your friends either have to a) sponge off of you, or b) not go to something that sounds fun but costs a little bit of money.

I know some people have unfortunate circumstances and I don't hold that against them but it is nice to be with a group of people who aren't fretting every cent and can decide to do something spontaneously that costs money every once in a while.

I'm the poor non-settled one - and I don't really care, as long as richer friends get I can't do everything they do without taking it personal (like thinking it's because I don't want to spend time with them because I won't join them at an expensive restaurant).

As someone who is in the opposite situation in their social group, usually, we get it. I think it only ever crosses the line when someone's asking for money to do things constantly; usually the company is more than worth even if someone needs to be spotted a few dollars or wants to do something cheaper because money is tight.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

kallanda_lee - 2014-08-02 21:48 (UTC) - Expand

But it is offensive.

As someone who grew up in a neighborhood of rich people, I've had the opposite experience. Most of them are immensely entitled little shits that never learned to have manners or how to be polite at people without being condescending because nobody dared to speak up to them about how they behave. They have no sense of propriety about urging everyone around them to spend as much as they do and dismissing people's concerns by insisting whatever, it's only like, fifty dollars, and are the most blind out of anyone I've met toward the fact that they're making everyone else feel like shit when they toss around money like it's endless.

I prefer associating with middle-class people who are more socially aware.

It honestly sounds like the OP is talking about middle class people, they just worded poorly (or well if they were trying to get reaction). My experiences with the genuinely rich trust-fund crowd have been about the same as yours. "Polite" is one of the least apt descriptors I can imagine.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 21:34 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:11 (UTC) - Expand

I've had the same experiences with middle-class kids, so...I think there's a tendency for kids that aren't poor or lower-class to be entitled, thoughtless little shits when it comes to money.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 21:45 (UTC) - Expand

Middleclass for best class.

In my anecdotal experience you see the extremes of entitlement at either end of the scale.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 21:53 (UTC) - Expand

I get it. Many of my less-financially-sexucre friends basically can't do anything but sit around and talk someplace free. I understand it's not fun not being able to do stuff because of money issues, I was there myself, but it gets really annoying at times.

Have you ever met people in general.

That's cool, but take some comfort in the assurance that having money troubles is even less fun than hanging out with people who have them.

Yep...

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:16 (UTC) - Expand

If you can't have fun with your poor friends doing something that doesn't require money, and if the pleasure of your poor friends' company doesn't make it completely worthwhile to sacrifice doing fun things that require spending money in order to spend time with your friends instead, then you're obviously not really their friend. To you, they're just acquaintances you do things with because doing things alone is boring.

I really wish the word "friend" wasn't such a misused term.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:04 (UTC) - Expand

A+

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:06 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

a_potato - 2014-08-02 22:15 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

elaminator - 2014-08-02 23:47 (UTC) - Expand

My psychology teacher claimed that the #1 factor friends are most likely to have in common, more than anything to do with race or sex or culture, is their relative level of wealth. He didn't cite a study for this, so I can't back it up (and odds are any such study would have been performed solely in one country--this might not apply in different cultural contexts), but it's an interesting proposition.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:14 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 22:21 (UTC) - Expand

My thing is more finding a way to let friends with less money know it's okay if I treat now and then, rather than seeing it as charity. I don't; I just want to hang out with them, and if that means spending extra money, so be it. But at the same time, I can see how they sometimes feel abashed about it.

I have rich friends, and I have poor friends. I have poor friends who have become rich, in fact. (No rich friends who have become poor though, which is good because I wouldn't wish that upon them.) I myself have stayed at about the same level of relative poorness. Which means that sometimes my richer friends eat out more than the rest of us, because they can, or go on more overseas trips, or whatever.

But that doesn't change the dynamic of our friendships. Because we're all friends, which mean we care about each other and are interested in seeing each other for that sake alone, and not for the things we can all equally afford to do together. Having a chat over a coffee or cheap wine at home is just as good a chat as one had over a three course meal in a fancy restaurant.

It's not financially secure friends I prefer, personally, but financially responsible. Money issues from outside forces are one thing, but money issues because you're ass with money is a personality thing, and will kill a friendship much faster than plain bad luck. And it can apply to people at any level of wealth, nothing better than that friend just swimming in disposable income who immediately sets it on fire and then turns to you for a loan.

I'm with you there. Only because I used to be friends with someone who would always beg me to send her money.

This reminds me of one coarse, supposedly rich classmate of mine who once said in class that it was silly for the university to accept transfer students from the community college because there was no way anyone from a community college could keep up and the school should just refuse to accept "them." Ugh.

I suppose that because of that and comments like that I've heard in my school, I tend to prefer people on the poorer side of the spectrum.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-02 23:46 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-03 00:55 (UTC) - Expand

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-03 03:16 (UTC) - Expand

No offence to people with money troubles.

Shut up.

All this means is that all of your interests center around people with money.

I can't tell you're a rich snob or a poor snob who looks down on his/her own "kind" while living it up in cafes with rich people who pay his/her tab.

In either case, you're annoying.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-03 00:09 (UTC) - Expand

Hm, I am far from rich, I am literally under the poverty line* and I still go to the movies and out to eat, nor do I borrow money from friends with any kind of frequently.

What I do is budget money to go to the cinema/restaurant/social event and do it less often than other people, but then again I find that inviting friends to my flat and making them dinner is just as nice and even welcome as going out to eat.

Then again I am surrounded by other students who are in general better off than me, but still not that well of, so that might be a factor.

But the amount of money a person have is not a deciding factor in someones personality...

*The Norwegian one, so really it could be a lot worse.

Re: rich vs poor people as friends

kallanda_lee - 2014-08-03 09:29 (UTC) - Expand

I get the affording to be able to go places thing. I'm among the non-financially secure and I always feel bad having to say no to invites to concerts and trips from my more well off friends because I can't afford it. But it's not like I can't afford to go see a movie or go out for dinner once in a while. I just can't do it every weekend.

Although, I've never really seen much of a difference in manners and behavior. In my experience, if someone has bad manners, they'll always have them whether they're rich or poor. Money doesn't exactly change that. And I've often found that people who have nothing and enjoy living that lifestyle are the most relaxed people I've met. They live mimalistically and don't need many materialistic things, so as long as they get money for rent & food they're fine.

Might make me sound like a douche but I kind of prefer hanging out with my friends who are cash strapped because they never want to go out and do things. My friends who have more money always want to do shit like go to restaurants or take weekend trips for the beach and I just want to stay home and watch netflix or play video games with people

I'm very relaxed, settled, and I have very good manners.

I'm also poor as a churchmouse, thanks to a traumatic brain injury when I was 18. I'm 36 now.

I budget, I am financially responsible, so I get my needs covered. I could afford Starbucks. Movies? I'd rather enjoy my Netflix for a month's worth of all the movies I want for less than the price of a single evening ticket. Go on trips? Yeah, you'd hate me, since I can't drive or travel by plane.

But if that's the only reason you like your friends, their ability to pay for things.. I feel a bit sorry for you. My friends are my friends because we have fun together, and support each other in good times and bad.

I hope you never have to learn who your true friends are, because believe me, that's a shocker.

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