fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2772 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2772 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[Audrey Tatou, Coco Avant Chanel]

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03.

[Orange is the New Black]

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04.

[Recettear]

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05.

[Mad Men]

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06.

[Game of Thrones]

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07.

[Archer]

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08.

[Kate Beaton's Hark! A Vagrant]

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09.

[Sleepy Hollow]

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10.

[Divergent]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 033 secrets from Secret Submission Post #396.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Pick a favorite insult you've read or heard in some work of fiction, of any medium. Mention the characters and title of the book/show/whatever!

It's in one of the Darren Shan books - I think it's number 8 -

The setup is, in order to become a vampire, your blood has to be tested to see if you're evil. So in book 1, when the Big Bad Steve gets tested as a child, he's determined to have bad blood.

Fast Forward to book 8, I'm copying it right from my pdf;

"I'm not evil," Steve growled in return. "You'rethe cruel one, making horrible, unfounded accusations. Do
you realize how low an opinion I had of myself after you'd dismissed me as a monster? Your ugly
rejection almost drove me to evil!"
"It would not, I think, have been a lengthy drive," Mr Crepsley said smoothly.

It's been several minutes and for some reason I'm still laughing heartily at this. Excellent choice.

I have always loved the line (which I believe was in a Harlan Ellison short story) to be said to someone who has made unwanted advances (in this case, told you they want to get into your pants): "I have an asshole down there already -- what do I need you for?"

HA, I'm saving that one.

that sounds as much like something that would be said to Harlan Ellison as something from his stories

Re: Favorite insults in fiction

silverr - 2014-08-05 23:22 (UTC) - Expand

That one scene from "Do The Right Thing" where the characters are just spewing colorful racial invective at the camera:

Italian guy (about blacks): You gold teeth, gold chain wearing, fried chicken and biscuit eating, monkey, ape, baboon, big thigh, fast running, high jumping, spear chucking, three-hundred-and-sixty-degree basketball dunking, titsun, spade, Moulan Yan. Take your fucking pizza-pizza and go the fuck back to Africa.

Black guy (about Italians): You garlic breath, pizza slinging, spaghetti bending, Vic Damone, Perry Como, Luciano Pavarotti, Sole Mio, non-singing motherfucker.

Hispanic guy (about Koreans): You little slanty eyed, me-no-speaky-American, own-every-fruit-and-vegetable-stand-in-New-York, bullshit, Reverend Sun Myung Moon, Summer Olympics '88, Korean kickboxing son-of-a-bitch.

White guy (about Hispanics): You Goya bean eating, fifteen-in-a-car, thirty-in-an-apartment, pointed shoes, red wearing, Menudo, meda-meda Puerto Rican cocksucker. Yeah, you!

Korean guy (about Jews): It's cheap, I got a good price for you, Mayor Koch, how-I'm-doing, chocolate egg cream drinking, bagel and lox, B'nai B'rith Jew asshole.

I was just about dying on the floor laughing, which I feel totally bad about but just OMG.

I remember watching that scene and being both floored and getting really hungry. And it's happening again...

Well, at least they covered all the bases with that scene.

My favorite part of that was "three-hundred-and-sixty-degree basketball dunking." IT'S SO SPECIFIC.

Also, seconding the anon above. This is making me hungry. Chocolate egg cream sound delicious.

YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!

My Immortal counts, right?

Let's be honest, that's an excellent combination of words regardless of the source.

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-05 23:50 (UTC) - Expand

"You mediocre dunces" is another good one from that fic.

Every variation in Star Trek TOS on Spock being called human and/or McCoy being called Spock-like:

Kirk: Now you sound like Spock.
McCoy: If you're going to get nasty, I'm going to leave.

About half the things Avon says in Blake's 7. The man was hilariously snide, often in Vila's direction.

Avon: Any idiot could be one.
Dayna: On your feet, Vila.
Avon: Any idiot within reason.

Vila: I've got a weak chest.
Avon: The rest of you's not very impressive either.

Vila: Die? I can't do that.
Avon: I'm afraid you can. It's the one talent we all share. Even you.

Vila: Ask him to prescribe something for a headache, will you? I've got a shocking pain right behind my eyes.
Avon: Have you considered amputation?

Though people occasionally get ones in on him as well:

Avon: Staying with you requires a degree of stupidity of which I no longer feel capable.
Blake: Now you're just being modest.

Poor Vila. He is so often the target of Avon's wit.

I always thought "Ye're an armless, boneless, chickenless egg" from the song "Johnny I Hardly Knew Ye" sounded like a pretty cold thing to say. I'm not even positive if it's meant to be insult in the song, but it just sounds really mean. And kind of funny.

Can I pick the lyrics to You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch?

I think this is an excellent response.

YOUR MOTHER WAS A HAMSTER

AND YOUR FATHER SMELT OF ELDERBERRIES

(Anonymous) - 2014-08-06 00:15 (UTC) - Expand

Most things by Captain Haddock in Tintin. "You cro-magnon, macrocephalic baboon, cannibal, you pickled herring!" He increased my vocabulary quite a lot in my childhood.

Monkey Island and insult sword-fighting.
"You fight like a dairy farmer."
"How appropriate. You fight like a cow."
"You're a disgrace to your species, you're so undignified!"
"At least mine can be identified."

No one will remember where this is from, but...

"Your Momma wore socks that smell!!!"

From MacBeth:

FIRST MURDERER: What, you egg? Young fry of treachery!

diet_poison - 2014-08-06 02:30 (UTC) - Expand

Girl: "You're a big scrud."
Ross: "What's a scrud?"
Girl: "Why don't you look in the mirror, scrud."
Ross: "I don't have to, I can just look at you."
Both: *bitchy eye-roll*

All the insults from 'Don't Bite the Sun/Drinking Sapphire Wine' by Tanith Lee.

Thalldrap, floop, promok, drumdik, selt and vixaxn.
Good times. :)

"You breed with the mouth of a goat." Castiel, SPN.

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It's funnier in Enochian.