fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2781 ]

[ SECRET POST #2781 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2781 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Game of Thrones]

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09. [broken]

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[Kevin Sorbo/Hercules: The Legendary Journeys]

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[Transformers: Prime]

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[Darkchylde]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #397.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So, this is brought to you by a combination of me increasingly having Real Life sexual realizations, as well as reading a slew of fanfics that involved asexuality in someway. I know that fanfics aren't the best places to get information on sexuality, but they're still good places to start, right?

TMI AHEAD

More and more, in real life, I've been realizing that I just don't really want sex with people. I like the idea fine enough, but whenever I think of actually doing it, I don't really feel any desire and sometimes actively don't want to, even if I do so in the context of a kink I actually like.

But I masturbate. Frequently. Some weeks I masturbate a lot and some weeks not at all (I am 95% sure this is connected to ups and downs of arousal in a menstrual cycle - and, uh, is this the time to add I'm a ciswoman in her young twenties?). I average about 2-3 times a week.

I've recently realized, though, that when I do, other people don't really factor into what I fantasize about. It's mostly about specific kinks/fetishes (all very BDSM heavy). I've long thought of myself as bisexual, but regardless of which gender I'm thinking about/looking at in porn, I just don't think about them nearly as much as whatever they're actually doing. And sometimes it isn't even all that sexual (though sometimes it is)? IDK.

Now, I still thought of myself as sexual, but recently I've read a bunch of fics about asexuality, some of which were written by authors who say the fics are based on their own personal experiences. A lot of them were fics in which the asexual character masturbated, but didn't have sexual desire for their actual partner or people in real life, even after they've tried actually having sex.

I haven't had much sexual experience in my life, beyond fooling around with my current partner and some kissing and groping in clubs. With my partner, I don't really feel much actual desire or arousal?

And I don't know if this matters, but I am pretty sure I'm kind of aromantic as well. I'm not particularly emotional in general, and my partner is aware of this, but not so much the sexual issues. I've...kind of given off a very sexualized personality for a long time, so I still have a lot of pride to swallow before admitting to them that I have may actually be asexual on top of aromantic. I'm sure I'll get around to it eventually, but I haven't just yet, and a lot of that is also because I'm not sure if I'm actually asexual, or just haven't had good sex yet? But then a lot of what I hear from asexuals is deriding people for saying you need to try sex before realizing it, when they knew they didn't like sex before they tried it/never tried it and don't feel the need to subject themselves to sex they don't want.

I've loosely researched this (which in this case means poking through the asexuality tag on Tumblr, AVEN, and the asexuality article on Wikipedia), but nothing I've found really clarifies this.

Any idea on what kind of sexuality this is?

sounds like a low sex drive, or you just have other priorities right now

I don't really have any other priorities. All of this stuff isn't really recent, I've just recently realized it.

And that's actually the question. Most of the asexuality definitions basically just say "low or no sex drive", so I'm wondering how "low" you have to get before you're basically ace (am I using the word right?).

I wouldn't take anything you read on tumblr as fact.

That aside, sexuality is very subjective and you might want to consider a few other things first. Like: How comfortable are you with intimacy? Does intimacy itself put you off? Do you ever fantasize about having sex with someone and were you comfortable with it/bored with it? Are there significant sources of stress in your life right now? Stuff like that might be important.

I'm not very big on intimacy in general - that's why I've also considered myself fairly aromantic for a while. Even my partner, I like more when we're basically acting like really close friends. Once intimacy enters the equation, I start to get put off.

I've never really fantasized much about sex with particular people. I just like particular actions (namely D/s and BDSM themes). I do find plenty of people attractive, mostly fictional characters or celebrities though, only the occasional person in real life. I'm not sure if I just find them attractive or if I'm actually attracted to them. I'm kind of in the middle, if that's possible?

And not only is my life not more stressful right now, it may actually be less stressful than usual. Most of the stuff I've described, though, isn't really recent - it's just recently realized. Otherwise, it's nearly always been there.

I'm not sure but you may have underlying trust issues if getting emotionally close to someone puts you off. Only being attracted to fictional characters may be apart of that as well to further protect yourself. I don't consider myself asexual but I do have a low libido and significant trust issues that prevent me from wanting to be intimate with people.

Well, I do have some trust issues when it comes to intimacy, but that isn't all of it. While some of my lack of desire for intimacy is intimidation, a lot of it is just boredom - I find intimacy boring.

I do find people in real life attractive, just not as many compared to celebrities/fictional people (in that said celebrities or fictional people were chosen to be represented in the media in the first place because they're attractive - I'm just incredibly picky).

Your sexual urges aren't toward others afaik, so you sound pretty ace to me :)

What do you mean by this?

Your sexual urges aren't toward others afaik, [as far as I know] so you sound pretty ace [asexual] to me :)

Only you can decide what you are--however, Asexuality is just the lack of sexual attraction to either gender(s). Like a hard zero on the sexuality scale. Now, masturbating doesn't mean you aren't Ace. A lot of ace do, myself included. It's just...not connected to anyone in particular. It's...like I get the urge to be penetrated, but the person isn't attached, if that makes sense? People don't turn me on, but sometimes I'll just get a strong urge to be penetrated. Sort of like that. I've never been attracted to anyone sexually, and I'm in my mid-late twenties.

That sounds a lot like me, actually. I have a very strong urge to be dominated in certain ways, but don't care all that much about who would be doing it. I've even had the occasional urge for penetration without much thought as to who or what would do the penetrating (very rare, though, as more attempts than not have gone badly due to vaginal problems).

I guess my problem boils down to attraction? Everyone seems to agree that aces can find people attractive, but aren't actually attracted to people themselves. I'm not sure where on that spectrum/line/whatisiteven I fall on.

I'm a virgin, actually, since I have zero interest in actually having sex. I have heard some Aces say that. I haven't ever found anyone attractive, though. Faces/bodies are just faces and bodies to me.

I'd say you do sound Asexual to me, but only you can decide that!

most definitions I've heard for asexuality revolve around whether you're sexually attracted to people. you can desire sex without experiencing sexual attraction, AND vice-versa.

Hm, well... just speaking personally, as someone who identifies as asexual, this sounds like me. I kind of dread my period, because I get really horny right before it and it's such a pain. The only thing that helps is lots of solo porn, where I don't even care who the character is because I'm not really attracted to them, just the idea of the kink itself and me trying to experience it and get it over with so the feeling will go away. It's not to say I don't enjoy it, but... I really feel no attachment to it either. It's like I just really have to get the stupid itch scratched, but I never get that way around actual people.

I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. Asexuality is pretty complicated and a personal thing, so if you feel like you fall into the definition of it, don't feel like you should have to like having sex unless that's something you want. (in which case maybe a doctor can help with your hormones or something, idk. I'm personally just fine with how I am.)

I don't know that I would call it asexual.

You may not be getting the right kind of stimulation (for you) from your current partner.

You may be more kink-oriented or kink-dependent in your sexuality.

You may have a lower sex drive.

You may find your sexuality is "awakened" (as corny as that sounds) later.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2781 ]

Does this count as Asexuality?

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Re: Does this count as Asexuality?

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DA

Re: DA

Re: Does this count as Asexuality?

Re: Does this count as Asexuality?

Re: Does this count as Asexuality?

Re: Does this count as Asexuality?

Re: Does this count as Asexuality?

Re: Does this count as Asexuality?