[ SECRET POST #2788 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2788 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 011 secrets from Secret Submission Post #398.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

[(Anonymous)]

Barney/Lee is everything I ever wanted. They are so perfect together.

(And yeah, Mel Gibson was disturbingly attractive in this role. WHAT THE FUCK, SELF?)

[(Anonymous)]

AYRT

Barney/Lee is everything I never knew I wanted til I watched the Expendables. The films actually make most sense to me if I just interpret their relationship as married. So good.

(I will be the driver of the Shame Bandwagon tonight, feel free to hop on! Inside we provide free pictures of naked Mel Gibson from Lethal Weapon, unlimited alcohol, and an anit-Mel Gibson donation box to assuage your guilt.)

[(Anonymous)]

They are right up my alley as far as ships go, it never even occurred to me to ship anything else in these movies tbh. It's hard to believe that it was NOT intended (I'm the same anon as the one squeeing about Barney/Lee further up in the thread, btw).

Haha, the funny thing is that I never found younger Mel Gibson hot. And then he reappears after years of nobody seeing him in any movie because he's horrible and fortunately destroyed his career, and BAM he's hot. I think it helps that he plays a creepy villain and he's a creepy villain IRL.

[(Anonymous)]

Ha, I love that we're having the same conversation in two different places. May as well condense it to one - re: Stallone having a mancrush on Statham, I wouldn't be surprised. I think he at least sees him as sort of younger him in terms of their careers. Stallone really does love the homosocial bromance male friendship that transcends his character's relationships with women though (see: like 75% of his movies - even the later Rocky films focus more on his male rivalries and friendships than his relationship with Adrian), so I think it's kind of just the kind of stories he likes. And knows that his audience likes - I'm certainly not complaining. Whether he knows that people see the slashy aspects of what he writes I don't know, but I would think it would remain unintentional even if he did know how people read the characters.

I totally have a thing for bear-y old man actors so Mel Gibson's attractiveness was not a surprise to me, ha. Something about older guys being a bit broader, and the crags in their faces falling in just the right spots to make them more handsome, and then being all deep voiced and authorative... Idk.

(On that note, Wesley Snipes is looking fiiiiine. And all those dapper suits? Dayum.)

[(Anonymous)]

That is pretty great. :D And frankly, that's one of the reasons I absolutely LOVE Stallone's movies. Not just because I love slash so I appreciate all the homoromantic undertones in his movies, but also because while he writes few female characters per movie, they usually get to be something other than "the hero's love interest who kisses him in the end because he saved her". I always really appreciated that the female characters either kicked ass themselves or, if they were damsels in distress, their relationship with his character usually remained platonic. Adrian is really the big exception to this (and even that's not a typical "hero gets the girl after saving her" romance). I'm not sure to what extent he's aware of the slashiness, though. On the one hand, I doubt Sylvester Stallone sits down and thinks "Imma write a gay love story in my action movie now". On the other hand, I have no idea how you can write something like Tango and Cash (okay, he didn't write all of the script, but he had a hand in it) and NOT mean for it to be gay as fuck. ;) Same for Barney/Lee.

Anyway, I love Statham for similar reasons. His movies also usually lack the damsel-in-distress-turned-girlfriend shit. So mad they didn't go through with his character in Transporter actually being gay like they intended during the second movie.

I generally love older guys, but somehow Mel Gibson never showed up on my radar of potentially hot older men. Probably because I had him firmly in the category of "really weird people whose movies I'm not going to watch".

(Trufax. Also, gotta love those long, lingering shots on Terry Crews' muscles. I see what you did there, Stallone.)

[(Anonymous)]

Yeah, I've always thought that he always gets in these well drawn character relationships, even if the rest of the material is a bit uneven. And his female characters are surprisingly great, it's true. I've always loved Adrian, despite how she gets pushed to the background in the later films, for how the Rocky/Adrian romance is handled in the first film. She might be meek and and a little scared of men, but he's just socially awkward, and so their romance comes across as two lonely people finding each other rather than cliched or skeevy. Even Teri Hatcher's character in T&C is pretty great - on paper, it sounds terrible: love interest of the main character, sister of his rival/friend, stripper. It could have gone so terribly, but actually she's actually this funny badass who has her own agency in the film and doesn't take shit from either Tango or Cash.

Also, you have just made me want to watch Tango & Cash again. HOW IS THAT EVEN A FILM. I have to try pretty hard to ignore Kurt Russell being a racist dick in the beginning, but I really do love it too much.

Terry Crews muscles should be listed separately in the credits, god they're insane. And on that note, sometimes I definitely wonder how the cheesy action films of the type that basically any of the Expendables actors have made could be solely thought of as 'guy films'. Like, attractive, ripped, oiled shirtless men grappling with each either literally or figuratively to win the affections of a woman who they often don't even bother to objectify because the director is too busy exploding shit - how are these films not just marketed as 'fun for straight guys, soft porn for women/gay men'? I do not get it. Lol.

[(Anonymous)]

Tango and Cash is so great. I love that film with all its terribleness. Also, seeing Stallone as the more sophisticated one of the two is kind of hilarious and I love it. <3

I have no idea. They're movies full of built men being objectified, with nothing but a rare woman for the no homo effect, it's like they're MADE for people who are attracted to men. Plus all the added explosions and awesomeness that appeal to just about everyone.