[ SECRET POST #2793 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2793 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 036 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

Nothing, and everything, respectively. It's not just feelings of anxiety, I'm on meds for it and tend to go crazy without them, but I don't think that's enough, if the fact that my friend who's disabled physically as well as mentally couldn't get disability payments is any sign. Work environments...I can't imagine one that I'd be able to handle, and people tell me that's a cop-out and I'm just lazy and, well, I am lazy, but this is different, this is completely separate from me not wanting to do an assignment or a chore or something. I've had very bad experiences with employment...

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

Sorry to hijack here, but is your anxiety mostly performance related? As in tests, doing well in school, careers - I'm just asking because it sounds familiar.

And what about work environments is daunting - the people, the noise, performance stress itself?

Could working from home be a solution? In that case you could try and steer your studies to that direction?

And do your parents even acknowledge you have anxiety? If not, could you get someone to talk to them about it? Preferably someone with authority. Sounds like they're the kind of people to respond to that.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

That's probably a good description. I have to be not necessarily the best, but much better than I think I have the potential to be, because of my disabilities. Noise isn't so much a problem, but the environment...I don't do well in unsupportive environments, like the one between a boss and an employee, or places where I have to cater to people who don't understand my limits, like customers or clients, or places where I have little to no instruction and have to figure things out, which I can't do, or ones where I have to do a lot quickly, and I can't do that...I can't steer my studies anywhere, it's far too late to change anything and it would be way too stressful even if I did have time, to try and overhaul everything while ensuring I could still handle it (my program of study right now is geared towards what I can take, and only that, no other priorities are nearly as big).

My parents believe I have anxiety but they are so good at life that they can't comprehend someone who's as bad at it as I am. They tell me they expect this *puts hand up at head height*, and that I'm giving them this *puts hand at waist height*, and that they're willing to compromise if I'm willing to give them this *puts hand at chest height*, but chest height is way too much for me and waist height is the absolute best I can do and I'm hurting myself by doing even that much. My best is far below the world's worst and they can't accept that.

And everything authority figures say that contradicts their opinions goes in one ear and out the other, so that the people think they're listening and assume things are better now, but they aren't.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

Okay, can I ask what you're studying to get an idea what your options are?

It also sounds like you could do with someone (not an authority figure) who helps you with structure (I struggle with this too). Could you counselor or perhaps a friend help with this?

And yeah, I can see how your parents are a problem. Even if they intellectually understand you have anxiety, they don't see they're making it worse.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

It doesn't matter what I'm studying in the end, because I don't retain any of it after the final exam or paper is turned in. I honestly don't. I'm studying philosophy, though. It's the only thing I seem to be able to get enough of a hang on to not feel like I'm being buried alive, even though I know it's never going to help me get a job, if I become able (or flat-out desperate enough) to search for one.

Re: *sobs*

[kallanda_lee]

You just sounds like you need help badly, anon. and I do not mean that in a bad way. But you just sound like you're drowning and instead of help people are pushing you under the surface. You are likely not retaining because there are levels of anxiety that put you into fight and flight mode and that messes with your ability to learn. Anxiety will specifically disrupt your ability to concentrate and your short-term- memory - and hey, guess what you need for studying?

Look at these symptoms: http://www.anxietycentre.com/anxiety-symptoms/short-term-memory-impairment.shtml

Hell, it even caused long-term memory issues in my particular case, brains are weird things.

Ideally, you'd be able to take a sabbatical to just work on YOU, but if your parents won't allow it, try to find someone or something to help you with the anxiety - a psychologist, or just a self-help group if you do not trust authority figures, but something. Try to somehow find a safehaven - a place you can go to, alone or with someone you trust, where you re free from your parents and school stuff. And that you can return to in your mind if you're stressed. Good luck, in any case, in my case I ended up having to leave regular education to break that cycle, so I'm unsure how to break it from the inside. Good luck, anon, it sounds like you need to catch a break.

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

I can kind of get that first bit. There's a difference between interest and passion, and sometimes it's hard to study something that doesn't fall into the latter category.

Are you okay with saying what your bad experiences with employment have been? I'll completely admit that I don't know whether I'll be able to help at this point, but I'd love for you to be able to get all of this off your chest, granted that you're willing.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

Cold, unsympathetic bosses (aka "normal bosses" to the rest of the world) + being required to do things that were too stressful for me to handle = disaster. They would yell at me for doing things wrong because of my anxiety, like snapping at wild high school students to only throw one customer at me at a time so I could keep track (I was always so boxed in at that point that snapping was all I could do, I couldn't rein myself in any more, I was scared and desperate), and they would yell at me for leaving instead, taking a break, they'd guilt me about it and say I was irresponsible, but since these were required jobs as part of school and camp programs, I couldn't even be fired.

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

Cold and unsympathetic bosses aren't necessarily the norm. For the most part, my bosses have been the opposite. I'm still friends with one of them, despite not having worked with her for nearly four years. It's totally possible to come across someone who truly cares for their employees. The caveat to this is that I've worked in non-profits for six years, and I can't imagine that that hasn't made a difference.

It sounds like customer service doesn't jive with you, which makes perfect sense. It's incredibly stressful, requires a lot of emotional management, and increases the chances of getting a dick boss. There are many jobs that aren't people-facing that might better click with you.

So, my next question for you is...are you more analytic, or are you more creative?

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I'm better at analytic things, but I dislike them and like creative things. Being stuck in a job I don't like for the next fifty years would be better than having nothing, I do know that, but it would still feel like being dead. My only passion is nearly impossible to succeed at as a career. Especially when you're both untalented and unattractive, like me.

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

You don't have to be stuck in the same job for 50 years. I've had three jobs since I moved out of the house; it's the new normal, man.

Also, I doubt that you're untalented and unattractive. For example, you've got at least one person out there who thinks your RP is the end-all be-all. That doesn't just happen.

Here's the thing: sometimes you've got to leverage what you're good at to be able to do the things you enjoy. It really sucks at first, but as long as you're doing the thing that gets your blood up, you can make it through. You have a knack for the analytic, so seek out a field in that arena, and make sure that you get to be behind the scenes. It'll shield you from a lot of the bullshit that tends to orbit around customer service jobs. Also, keep in mind that you don't have to be loyal to any job. You can always move; it's what most of us do these days. And in your spare time, be creative. Keep posting. You've got at least one vocal fan; you've probably got a lot more who are silent. And you're totally worth their admiration.

All of that said, what is your only passion?

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I love acting. I can only imagine how stressful a career in it would be, but at the same time I love it so much. I get to be someone else in some other story and some other world for a while. I don't have to be me, I don't have to have my life, I just get to put my passionate feelings about my own life into making some made-up person believable, I understand them and they understand me. I have a lot of fun, I meet amazing people, and the praise I receive after performing doesn't hurt.

Re: *sobs*

[a_potato]

I had a funny feeling that that was what you were going to say. :)

My reply is that it might be good for you to focus on theater. You can work and be involved with your community theater at the same time, and you can indulge your creative side while still paying your bills. Theater revolves around competence; if you're willing to work at your craft (and I think that you are), then you can find a place that's willing to give you an outlet.

And I will say this: if you manage to find yourself in a position to work full-time in theater, it might not be as stressful as you think. I know a few people in the business, and they're perfectly happy, because they're doing what they love. If you get the opportunity, you should totally take it.

I actually have to take off now, but please feel free to reply to this and check back tomorrow, because I will respond. Whether you do or not, I want you to know that I believe you can get through this and that you're more talented than you think.

Re: *sobs*

[(Anonymous)]

I'm going to go soon too, but I appreciate you and all the others who've responded and encouraged me. :)