fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2794 ]

[ SECRET POST #2794 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2794 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 022 secrets from Secret Submission Post #399.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 1 - broken links ], [ 1 2 - not!secrets (random phrases on pictures) ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ], [ 1 - posted twice ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

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What do you mean by "warranted", though?

When kids have left the house and lead their own lives, that's one thing. But when parents are still raising their kids, I don't think there's EVER a justification for favoritism.

i'm imagining some extremes here, but... idk if one of your kids is a murderer and the other one does volunteer work at a homeless shelter every weekend i think it's pretty warranted to like the second kid a little more. i mean sure, love them both, they're your kids... but goddamn. at a certain point i think it's okay to at least LIKE one kid better than the other.

I don't see why you would even have to love them both. If someone you know ends up being some serial rapist/murderer, you are entirely justified to hate them.

i think on some level it's hard for parents to outright HATE the person they raised from birth. they can strongly dislike, disown, and get away from them if they turn out evil but on some level that parental love will always be there. it can be outweighed and hate can exist at the same time, but SOME connection to the kid they once were isn't going to go away very easily. so yeah, they might love them, and never excuse their actions or approve or try to justify anything (including the deserved hatred that person is getting)

Some parents kill their children. And some kill themselves just to get away from their children.

I don't think that parental love is a requirement just because one finds themself in a state of parenthood.

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-27 23:35 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-27 23:51 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-27 23:54 (UTC) - Expand

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kallanda_lee - 2014-08-27 23:57 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 00:08 (UTC) - Expand

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kallanda_lee - 2014-08-28 00:12 (UTC) - Expand

As adults, I agree somewhat.

But as kids, I do think parents should love them. Because if you kill or rape someone as a kid, that indicates either a complete failure to parent properly or a deep psychological issue that the kid was likely born with.

I don't know though.

Liking one kid better I can understand. But I always think of favoritism as treating kids differently (and not just because one is better behaved than the other or something). And when kids are growing up, it can really fuck them up to realize this.

I'm kind of touchy on this subject though. My mother never played favorites but my dad sure as hell did.

I was his favorite.

Well, if one of your kids ends up being a psychopath it may be a bit warranted to like their non-murdering siblings better.

The Good Son! But now I'm just imagining this is tiny Elijah Wood seeing Macaulay Culkin's future Pizza Underground band, while Culkin's pondering the ramifications of telling Wood about fanfic, Photoshop, and Thanfiction.

Tiny Elijah Wood would probably be freaked out about how gross Culkin looks now.

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 06:19 (UTC) - Expand

I'm fairly certain my son is going to grow up to be a rapist.
He's got his fathers shitty weak genes, lives in the rape culture of the modern era whichshows no signs of improving, and hates his sister, and I keep finding his internet history. He has a disturbing interest in anti-woman smut. I'm doing my best to make him grow up right, and it's not like I think he's a lost cause or anything, a parent can't think like that, but I don't think he's going to be capable of being the rare non-shitty adult male.
TLDR sometimes a mother just knows which child will let them down.

Holy shit, mama. You need therapy. "The rare non-shitty adult male"? And you wonder why your kid looks at anti-woman smut?

Do you expect better from the radfem troll?

Disregarding the patronizing "you need therapy" comment, could you explain how my wanting him to grow up respecting women leads to him degrading women?

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 00:00 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 00:09 (UTC) - Expand

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kallanda_lee - 2014-08-28 00:14 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 01:29 (UTC) - Expand

I find the "father's shitty weak genes" part to be more disturbingly interesting, myself. I can see an argument being made for most men being some amount of shitty, but genes, whaaaaa? What do genes have to do with anything in this context??

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 02:46 (UTC) - Expand

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(Anonymous) - 2014-08-28 06:21 (UTC) - Expand

Radfemtroll you really gotta vary your post structure if you wanna fool anyone.
Besides the stupid radfem opinions, everyone can tell its you because you don't doublespace paragraphs.
Like this.

Holy shit - with that attitude, he just might.

How old is he even?

And the stuff you mentioned doesn't mean jack. Plenty of kids hate their siblings, and lord knows a lot of us would not want to be judged by our internet history.

Seriously, if your kid is showing bad behavior, for heaven's sak - talk to him, parent him, don't write him off as a criminal before he even did anything.

oh radfem anon

sometimes I think you don't even bother to try anymore

I know this is a troll, but if you really feel this way about your son, sit him down and give him "The Talk." Tell him why the type of porn he's watching doesn't really reflect sex in real life, explain to him how consent and being a respectful partner works, and try to point him towards some alternatives that are less degrading to women.

I would also recommend getting a marriage counselor to help out the situation between you and your husband. If you're pissed off at him, either try to communicate how you're feeling, get outside intervention, or just suck it up and divorce him. If you just sit there seething with rage, that's only going to make the problem worse. You NEED to communicate.

Haha I grew up with a favourite, so I get that it's hella hurtful. I even got to overhear that awful "which one would you save?" conversation and that sucked balls for tiny me. But I'm not exactly going to hold it against my dad for being a dumb human who sucks at not being obvious about it.

Shit. Okay, well maybe, yeah I still do, but not as much as I did then. Like I'm saying, no one's impervious to them partial feelings.

I try not to link to reddit too often, but there's a subreddit called raisedbynarcissists if that's what you think your parents were, and you ever need to vent/talk to people.

I don't mean to poke into your affairs, but if I may recommend a resource . . .

Children of the Self-Absorbed: A Grown-Up's Guide to Getting Over Narcissistic Parents

My mother swears by it.

That's alright, although I'm not sure how either of you specifically landed on NPs for me. While similar and definitely toxic at various points, they're not quite what I have. I appreciate both recs though, since there's a lot that hits close to home when they crossover. Plus I can point some folk I know towards these.

Going in a different direction than the other suggestions in this thread, it would be warranted to pay more attention to a child with significant health problems compared to one who doesn't need the extra help. Ideally that doesn't tip over into neglecting the other child(ren), but sometimes the balance fails.

For me it's a prodigal son sort of situation. I'm The Good (adult now) Child, and so my parents know if they leave me alone I will take care of myself and make good decisions. They know if they leave my (now adult) sister alone, she will not take care of herself and will make horrible decisions. Like "I'm just hanging with friends, I'm not going to drink" "Ok, we're going to drink, but I'll be fine to drive." "Yep, I'm good to drive. Oh no, I just wrapped my car around a tree. Again."

And she's gotten to the point where she expects my parents to spend every free moment with her, so if they try to do something like come visit me for the weekend, she gets jealous and does stuff specifically to punish them. I'm not even reading into it, she's bragged about it before.

So in keeping her alive and functional, they end up really favoring her. I know they love me, and I wouldn't want attention that I've blackmailed them into with my potential bad behavior, but it still sucks sometimes.

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