fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2795 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2795 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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[Law & Order: Criminal Intent]

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[Fred Astaire/Ginger Rogers]

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[Jeeves and Wooster]

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[Yahtzee/Zero Punctuation]

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[Markiplier]

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[Jackie Chan Adventures]

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[The Parent Trap]

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[Alexander]

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[Starsky and Hutch]

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I know how you feel, OP. Sort of. I try to imagine loving a girl (I'm a straight female) like I'd love a man, emotionally, and I just can't. I see gay relationships being just as real as straight, but there's this tiny little part of me that thinks that a gay woman or man can't possibly love their partner the way I love mine. But hopefully this means I just can't identify with it.

So what do you do in your relationship like

Constantly stroke his beard

Gaze upon his penis

Casually mention your vagina

Participate in mixed doubles tennis tournaments

NAYRT but I feel like it was a pretty reasonable thing to say


it's not about what you do in the relationship, it's about imagining having the feelings you have about a person towards a person of the other gender

Yeah but I don't really get it.

I can't imagine myself enjoying gin. It tastes horrible. That doesn't mean I can't imagine some gin enthusiast enjoying gin as much as I enjoy bourbon. I don't need to put myself literally in their shoes to emphasize.

Edited 2014-08-29 02:37 (UTC)

I like gin and bourbon.

I don't think that OP of this subthread was saying that they can't imagine someone feeling romantic tenderness towards another woman; just that they can't imagine what feeling that kind of romantic tenderness towards another woman themselves is like. You can relate it to your own feelings but that's not the same as sharing them.

To use your example, you could imagine the kind of enjoyment a gin drinker gets out of drinking, and make the (reasonable and probably correct) assumption that it's very similar to the kind of enjoyment that you have for bourbon. But you couldn't feel that way about gin, and if you were trying to imagine the experience of drinking gin and feeling that kind of enjoyment about gin instead of bourbon, I think it's reasonable to say that there might be a disconnect. So, like, I can make a reasonable assumption that the romantic feelings someone has for a woman are similar to my own romantic feelings. But I don't think I can really imagine them; all I'm really doing is substituting my own existing romantic feelings, and when I really try to envision having those feelings for a woman, there's a disconnect somewhere along the line.

i guess i'm kind of saying that it's a difference between an intellectual and an emotional understanding.

But that doesn't really make sense.

Can I imagine me, Chardmonster, enjoying gin? Not really. I just don't like it.

Can I imagine the act of enjoying gin is pretty similar to how I enjoy bourbon? Absolutely! Both are liquor.

I guess I'm saying I don't understand this disconnect. It's not as if romance is that alien if you swap the genders. We aren't talking about different species here.

OP

I think what the person above described is what's making it hard to relate. I can understand on an intellectual level that how my straight friend feels about her boyfriend is the same way I feel about my girlfriend but I can't imagine ME feeling that way about a guy.

I guess maybe I'm just putting way more emphasis on gender than I should. I've never dated a guy so maybe I'm just imagining that it's SO much different than dating a girl when it really isn't?

Though crudely delivered, I think that is chard's point. She's saying love is the same.

Yeah I think I'm just reading what they said differently

the love's the same, but that doesn't mean you feel it yourself

But you don't need to imagine feeling it to get it.

OP

I'm glad it's not just me! Intellectually I know it's not really any different but it still trips me up until I consciously tell myself that I'm being dumb and to knock it off.

[ SECRET POST #2795 ]

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Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?

Re: Finding it hard to identify with people/characters of a different sexual orientation?