fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2815 ]

[ SECRET POST #2815 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2815 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

__________________________________________________

03.

[John Green]

__________________________________________________

04.

(Hemlock Grove)

__________________________________________________

05.

__________________________________________________

06.

__________________________________________________

07. [posted twice]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Russell Edwards' Naming Jack the Ripper]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Coronation Street]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 020 secrets from Secret Submission Post #402.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Do you work full time?

Rent shouldn't be half of a paycheck, assuming you also need money for groceries, gas money, car insurance, and other personal costs. That's just not realistic (unless you make enough money to get a really nice apartment, I guess).

What are you using the rest of your money for? Are you saving up for an apartment deposit or something? Do you pay your own car insurance, phone bill, etc.?

Part time, atm Hoping to get to full time.

Apparently it goes to those expenses. Or it goes to a fund they're saving for me.

They were never really consistent about that. and got mad at me for asking about that later. Ughhh

TBQH, if they were sincere about wanting you to behave like an adult, they should be delighted if you asked for an accounting of those funds. Just so they're not, you know, treating it as mad money.

Yeah that's kinda weird. I was like "why tell me that if you're going to get mad when I ASK about it? "They're like "you wouldn't tell your landlord how to spend the money you give him?"

and I'm just like 'BUT YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE DOING THIS!"

Of course you wouldn't tell your landlord how to spend your rent, but when you're paying money to someone who's allegedly holding it in trust for you, then they should have no problems accounting to you for it. As a matter of fact, they should encourage it.

Like half the time they act like and acknowledge they are parents and the other half it's "we're like your landlords"

and then sometimes they bring up the fact that "we don't HAVE to let you stay after you're 18" when they decide I'm not being grateful enough.

"Okay so I'm supposed to be impressed that you didn't throw your autistic daughter out when she turned 18 because 'the laws says we don't have to'. Right. Okay"

But like other time's they're the same great parents I had growing up. I've very confused.

Can you ask them if you can pay your own bills, instead of them just taking half your paycheck? Or talk to them about how they are using your money, framing it as a "preparing to leave the nest, so I need to know how much money I need to spend on groceries" sorta question? Alternatively, how much more you need to save in that fund to get enough for a apartment deposit?

What your parents are doing just seems so iffy to me...

Hm

I could try that...Not sure if it will work but I can try it.

My mom found a cool budget sheet and sat down with me filling it out, so I could get an idea of how much it would cost per month to live on my own. It had all the specific expenses, from food to rent down to personal grooming and entertainment and even charity. She just went to bed, but if I remember tomorrow I'll ask her where she got it and send it to you. (Remind me if you think about it.)

OOhh yes that would be helpful thank you

Something similar that I saw recently: http://www.thirtyhandmadedays.com/2014/01/printable_budget_binder/

Thank you

"a fund they're saving for me"

Uh no. It's one thing to take rent money, or money toward expenses of the house. The rest of the time, they have no business managing your finances. You are an adult and they just need to back off on that.

My mother kept meddling in my finances until I was about your age and it caused a nasty mess when I had to track down a bunch of stuff that was in my name (okay, so this was an extreme example).

I think they think that because of my disorder and how it makes me less mature they need to do this stuff and go really overboard.

and like...in the past when I had my first job I got in a bunch of spending trouble and I had no rent. But i was like...really young and unprepared then.

Right. If you're a kid/teen, sometimes you mess up and you learn from it.

Are they worried you have zero financial sense, period? Or did they just not teach you about how to handle money (at the time of your first job), and now they're overcompensating for it?

Maybe the latter I think.

I remember once I over-drafted $90 over because I was already fined for $30 and didn't think that they would charge more because i was already in the hole. Stupid stupid STUPID.

But you learned from that, right? You didn't go back the next time to overdraft twice, did you?

It just seems weird your parents don't seem to be acknowledging the lessons you did learn.

(no subject)

jaybie_jarrett - 2014-09-18 13:08 (UTC) - Expand

Correct me if I'm wrong, but autism is a social disorder, right? Everything I've ever heard about it indicates that autistic individuals are just as intelligent as, if not more so, than your average person. So saying that they need to hold your money for you is kind of ???. Like are you going to just go spend it all? Clearly you're smart enough (at least, you seem to be to me?) to make a budget sheet and put numbers in it for fuck's sake.

Yeah. I mean if they explain what I need to do to do something then I'm usually able to do it. I just need things fully explained to me.

Like maybe if I had gotten a lot of explanations about how banks and money and checks work then I wouldn't have gotten in trouble with money.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but autism is a social disorder, right? Everything I've ever heard about it indicates that autistic individuals are just as intelligent as, if not more so, than your average person. So saying that they need to hold your money for you is kind of ???. Like are you going to just go spend it all? Clearly you're smart enough (at least, you seem to be to me?) to make a budget sheet and put numbers in it for fuck's sake.

All good points, but it's perfectly possible to be brilliant intellectually but not have a lick of sense when it comes to managing your money. And some people never do seem to learn from their mistakes. (I say this as someone who has more than once sworn never to overdraw her account again, never ever ever. I haven't done it in eight years, though.)

Not saying this is Jaybie's problem, of course. Unfortunately, it sounds like she has never been allowed a second chance to demonstrate that she's learned from her mistakes.

Well to be fair I've still had trouble saving my money but I think I'm getting a little better now. I'm saving a couple 20 bills and working my way up.

I do wish I got more of a paycheck.

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-18 22:29 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

jaybie_jarrett - 2014-09-18 22:37 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

(Anonymous) - 2014-09-19 20:04 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

jaybie_jarrett - 2014-09-19 21:57 (UTC) - Expand

Yes, this. As a rule of thumb, you should be paying out no more than 1/3 of your income for rent; but if someone is working only 20 hours a week at minimum wage, that would mean they'd need to find an apartment- or house-sharing situation where you were paying no more than $200 a month, and it would likely mean living with at least two roommates. Depending where you are, it could be hard to find something nice on those terms.

yeaaaaaah.

I wish to share a house with someone -hopefully my boyfriend-in the future.

Is your boyfriend able to give you rides places? If so, any chance he could teach you to drive?

Yes. and I suppose yeah. Those both sound good.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only