fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2818 ]

[ SECRET POST #2818 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2818 ⌋

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I find typically masculine men (even if they aren't obnoxious dudebros) boring as relationship options. I know plenty of them who are incredibly nice people with interesting personalities, but I have a fetish for guys who are much, much less masculine, and I guess I turn down decent people because of it.

Am I a shallow asshole?

I think it may help if you explain what you mean by "much, much less masculine" because that can mean a lot of things.

I'm not into guys who deliberately have a very masculine physical appearance, or have very stereotypically male personality traits.

I'm not usually attracted to guys who have facial hair, a lot of body hair, big muscles, "hard" masculine features, and most male clothing styles are just boring.

In terms of personality, I don't like any kind of dominance, commanding or bossy behavior, arrogance, guys who expect to always "lead" women in relationships, teasing, etc.

No, you have a preference or a certain taste in men. That's super normal and not a fetish or wrong or anything. Jeez.

Same here. But I really don't think it makes us assholes. We just have a type!

I think you're only an asshole if you refuse to associate with them at all. Having a preference for who you want to date does not.

It's a "fetish" to have preferences now?

And how the hell does having a certain taste/finding some kinds of people romantically boring make you an asshole?

(I'm also curious to what you mean by "much less masculine" because I may or may not have similar tastes to yours)

Didn't you know? Having preferences means that you're racist/ableist/all the other -ists according to Tumblr!!

It is probably more of a preference than a fetish, but I guess it seems fetish-like because I'm attracted to something that I rarely ever see unless someone is doing it for a sexual reason. Most guys seem to want to be masculine unless they have, like a cross-dressing fetish or something. At least that's the impression I've gotten. I'm sure there are exceptions.

I guess people have always told me I should be willing to give people a chance even if they don't seem right for me because "they might be really nice." But of course being nice doesn't make them compatible with everyone. Plus some of the preference has to do with looks, which is what people might consider shallow, although I don't mean the kind of looks someone is born with, like hair or eye color or height, but more how a person chooses to dress an present themselves.

Hmm, ok. Yeah that is actually pretty different from what I like, so I guess our tastes don't line up that much. |D

Nothing wrong with your preferences, though. Different strokes and all that.

Most guys seem to want to be masculine unless they have, like a cross-dressing fetish or something.

There are guys who just are who they are, and happen to be masculine to some degree, and then there are guys who go out of their way to present as masculine as much as possible. The latter doesn't really appeal to me. But I'm not specifically attracted to guys who try to be feminine, either. I mean I guess what I'm saying is I don't think every given trait has to be "masculine" or "feminine". Some of them just...are there and part of someone without reading as one or other other.

I guess people have always told me I should be willing to give people a chance even if they don't seem right for me because "they might be really nice."

Yeah, that's a really annoying thing to keep hearing from people. It doesn't matter WHAT your tastes are, you're not obligated to give someone a chance just because they're "nice". If there's no chemistry there, you're doing a disservice both to yourself and to the other person.

Plus some of the preference has to do with looks, which is what people might consider shallow

Eh, like I said above? There has to be chemistry. Physical attraction IS part of what people look for in a partner and I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I guess sometimes it's shallow but I wouldn't automatically call it so - it depends on your overall attitude, I think.

Ehm, I think we all have preferences in terms of potential partners. There are certainly types of guys I don't really see as relationship options, as nice as they might be.

If you are then I am too, because I wouldn't date a typically masculine sort of man either.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2818 ]

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