[ SECRET POST #352 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #352 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 10 pages, 250 secrets from Secret Submission Post #051.
Secrets Not Posted: 0 broken links, 0 not!secrets, 0 not!fandom, [ 1 2 3 ] too big, [ 1 ] hate letter.
Next Secret Post: Tomorrow, Monday, December 24th, 2007.
Current Secret Submission Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

3 OP

[(Anonymous)]

Because I never became friends with them before I was interested in them or never continued to be friends with them after I found out they were gay. That much is obvious.

Only no.

I became friends with them to be friends with them. I've always felt that attraction should be grounded in friendship, and because of that I think it'd be cool to y'know share some of my interests with them. That's why I became friends with them in the first place. And then it's more along the lines of "hey, she's pretty cool, we seem to click, I wonder if--oh nope, wait, she's gay. Damn." But then I continue being friends with them of course.

So way to be wrong.

Re: 3 OP

[elwing-alcyone.livejournal.com]

I assumed you were still friends with them. You come off as entitled, not a complete scumbag, and it's fairly basic human decency not to dump your friends over nothing.

From what you say, you've gained friends you get on well with, and you haven't suffered too much heartache. If you're in it for friendship, I don't see much to complain about. If you're in it for friendship-that-makes-a-good-basis-for-inevitable-future-romance, that’s a whole different thing, and that's what your secret implied to me. Your comment hasn't done a lot to change my impression.

"Is there something wrong with wanting to date people who share your interests?" makes it sound as if their being gay is some sort of punishment for you, not the luck of the draw. "Sometimes it sucks being a guy in fandom" - as opposed to, what, all the girls in fandom who have love affairs falling into their laps? You make it sound as if you're missing out on something just because you're a guy, as if fandom is hiding all the straight girls somewhere. (I'm not going to get into the fact that even if they were straight they still wouldn't necessarily be interested; I'm sure you know that already.)

God knows I've seen enough guys bitching because they did all the boring friendship stuff and didn't get snuggles in return, so maybe my 'whiny entitlement whore' sensor gets pinged too readily and I'm reading resentment where there's only frustration. At this point I could be snarky and say that fandom is not the only common denominator here, but honestly, I think trying to find a grand reason for stuff like this is senseless. We get too used to thinking that love is something we can earn if we do everything right.

Re: 3 OP

[(Anonymous)]

Oh, I have always been in it solely for the friendship. I didn't start watching Hajime No Ippo with my friend Meghan (once I found out she liked anime) to get in her pants, I watched it with her because she was cool and it was really fun to just connect with her because hey cool people are cool. And then "hm, she's kinda cute, we get along well, wonder if something could happen? It'd be enjoyable" started pinging, and then just completely incidentally I found out that she was into girls.

That wouldn't be bad if it didn't happen over and OVER again. Like seriously... okay, I know it's completely dumb and not really rational, but there honestly is a part of me that can't help but feel, given how many girls I've dated / had things for that turned out to be gay (all in fandom to some degree) that went "...is there something wrong with *me*?" Yes, I know it's stupid and irrational, but there IS a part of me that can't help but wonder that. ^^;;

And it was just a little frustration that led to the secret. God knows I have roughly eleventy billion female friends (I find it a lot easier to connect with girls than guys, to be quite honest) and am not "attracted" to any of them, so it's not a sense of entitlement. Just a "argh" frustrated sort of secret.