[ SECRET POST #2906 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2906 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #415.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

You answered your own question I think. The cheater literally should have said,"all right so we're not compatible, bye" and moved the hell.

But when someone you love hurts/betrays you like that when the solution was right there in front of them, then of course people get upset.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Well yeah, I mean, it's a jerk thing to do without saying something, I'm not denying that, but people really do act like it's the worst thing a person can do to another and it...really really isn't? I guess I don't understand using such a strong term as "betrayal" for it. I put it on level with any other number of little irritating things that show that your relationship really isn't working, so just pack up and move on.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

The emotional betrayal is pretty deep though.

Imagine if your mother robbed you blind and then said she didn't love you.

That's an equivalent betrayal that I think a lot of people would be understandably upset by.

With anything in life, you can argue that a person can just pack up and move on -- losing a job for example -- but when it's a central component of your life (like a partner or spouse) then it's devastating and shifts the center of your world.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

but when it's a central component of your life (like a partner or spouse) then it's devastating and shifts the center of your world.

This is the part I don't get, though. It's like I've been saying, I honestly can't fathom attaching that much of yourself to another person, regardless of how you choose to have them in your life. I have been cheated on, by a boyfriend I'd had for four years and lived with for one, and the only thing I felt was mild irritation and a "well, I guess this has run its course, then." I'm the same person, I've not been changed by anything. I was complete to begin with.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

DA

I guess you're just not very affected by people in your life. Most people are. I don't know what can make it more fathomable for you.

Re: unpopular opinions

[a_potato]

"Cheating" as most people define it isn't a big deal to me; I'm in an open marriage, so...yeah. However, I can think of scenarios in which I'd feel betrayed, and as a result of that, I can understand why being cheated on would bother someone.

From what you've said, I'm kind of wondering whether there are any circumstances under which you'd feel betrayed. It sounds like there aren't any, which might be why it's such a strange concept to you.

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

I think it should be clarified that since you're in an open marriage, your spouse seeing someone else wouldn't actually be cheating.

Re: unpopular opinions

[a_potato]

Oh yeah, absolutely! I more meant to say that, while "cheating" in the sense of being with other people isn't an issue for me (because, as you say, it's not cheating for me), I can definitely see why it's an issue for others. I can identify with that sense of betrayal, and it seems like OP might not be able to, which is where the disconnect comes from.

(Tangentially, I also think that what counts as cheating is kind of something that has to be negotiated. Everyone has a different line, and it's important in a relationship to respect your partner's line)