[ SECRET POST #2906 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2906 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.


__________________________________________________



02.


__________________________________________________



03.


__________________________________________________



04.


__________________________________________________



05.


__________________________________________________



06.


__________________________________________________



07.


__________________________________________________



08.



__________________________________________________



09.











Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #415.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I honestly don't see the big deal behind cheating, and I think people getting so psychotically attached to someone that it ruins their entire sense of self-worth is stupid. I don't see what's so hard about being like "all right so we're not compatible, bye" and moving the hell on.

The only thing that justifies making it hard is having kids together, because of course kids complicate things.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

You answered your own question I think. The cheater literally should have said,"all right so we're not compatible, bye" and moved the hell.

But when someone you love hurts/betrays you like that when the solution was right there in front of them, then of course people get upset.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Well yeah, I mean, it's a jerk thing to do without saying something, I'm not denying that, but people really do act like it's the worst thing a person can do to another and it...really really isn't? I guess I don't understand using such a strong term as "betrayal" for it. I put it on level with any other number of little irritating things that show that your relationship really isn't working, so just pack up and move on.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

The emotional betrayal is pretty deep though.

Imagine if your mother robbed you blind and then said she didn't love you.

That's an equivalent betrayal that I think a lot of people would be understandably upset by.

With anything in life, you can argue that a person can just pack up and move on -- losing a job for example -- but when it's a central component of your life (like a partner or spouse) then it's devastating and shifts the center of your world.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

There's nothing wrong with deciding you aren't compatible and moving on. The problem is that cheating removes the ability to have that discussion from the cheated-on partner. You are making that decision for them without their knowledge or input AND you're breaking their trust, all of which are wrong.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Of course from a practical response that's the right response. But from an emotional point of view, no matter how practical and right it may be to break up with someone, there's still emotions involved, and it hurts, especially when they did something like that.

Like, seriously, do you not understand how cheating is something that you might negatively react to?

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Sure, yeah, negative reaction I understand, but only up the point of like "ugh, what a dick. k bye." Not this mega-drama that everyone makes it into. I just can't imagine placing so much self-worth into a relationship that it drives you into depression if they sleep with someone else.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

There's a wide range of reactions between "all right so we're not compatible" and "ruins entire sense of self-worth." Most people get pretty attached to romantic partners. It's a significant, intimate relationship and most people are significantly hurt when a partner essentially says this important bond and part of their life wasn't actually worth enough. It sounds like you're just not most people. But it sounds like you've figured that out. That's about the extent of it.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I think the emphasis people put on it is a symptom of society's overemphasis on romantic love

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

This is kind of what I think. I've wondered if I was aromantic or something, because I definitely seem to be the odd one out, but I make romantic attachments just fine. I fall in love and all of that with no issue. I just...don't invest myself so completely in it, I guess. I'm a whole person as-is, and I'm happy either way-- so as a real-life example, when my boyfriend cheated on me, I was just bugged that he didn't say anything. And yeah, a little sad that we weren't going to be together anymore, but I was totally fine.

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

maybe romantic love just isn't that important to you? it's ok if it's not. but it's important to a lot of people.

Re: unpopular opinions

[kallanda_lee]

Just because there are no kids involved doesn't mean you didn't want to share our life with that person...that being said, I am sort of surprised more people aren't in open relationships, especially after X ears of being together.

Re: unpopular opinions

[lunabee34]

I know for me, after 14 years of marriage, 17 years together, the reasons I am not interested in an open marriage are numerous.

I don't have the energy for anyone else, really. It's all I can do to be there for my current family. I also don't want to let anyone else in. I don't want to be as honest with anyone as I've been with my husband. I would find that kind of emotionally vulnerability unacceptable at this point. I don't want to start over with anyone. I prefer the way my husband has nearly two decades of knowing me and there's no surprises and he almost always has me figured out and vice versa.

I am also extremely vanilla, so LOL

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I would never date someone I knew had cheated, no matter what excuses they might have had for it, and I think it's a scummy thing to do, but I tend to agree wrt shorter term relationships. Like, you dated someone for a few weeks/months and never progressed to living with them or whatever, it's probably not a good idea to be so wrapped up in them at that point.

On the other hand I definitely don't agree when talking about longer-term, more serious relationships. There's a reason divorce is as stressful as losing a close family member. You're finding out that not only did someone you trust and love NOT love you, they were actively lying to you and cared so little about your feelings that they didn't feel any remorse in doing something that would hurt you. On top of that, you're suddenly having to figure out housing arrangements, splitting your finances after a period of relying on combined incomes, etc. If you had any shared friendships, those will suddenly be changed/gone, you have to deal with family bullshit, there's all kinds of things that happen when someone cheats beyond the betrayal.

As for ruining someone's self-esteem, of course it would! Most people have next to no self-esteem to begin with and even things like getting fired from a dead-end job can wreck someone. The act of cheating is basically saying "your feelings and well-being are worthless to me." It's an easy jump from that to "you aren't worth anything."

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

The act of cheating is basically saying "your feelings and well-being are worthless to me."

Exactly, thank you. I honestly worry about the empathy level of anyone who can't figure this much out.

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

I wouldn't date someone who I knew had cheated, because the chances he'd cheat on me would be MUCH higher than otherwise.

I do agree that if it's a shorter-term relationship, it's less devastating, but any number of other things are also less devastating. I had a short-term bf and a long-term bf pull similar pretending-I-don't-exist anymore stunts, and the former hurt me a lot less in the long run because I wasn't as attached to him - though the visceral hurt when it first happened was more or less the same. Recovery was just much easier and faster (and I'm glad he showed his true colors after two weeks, I honestly feel like I dodged a bullet with him).

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Have you ever been in love? Like, that person is the only thing you see when they're around and everything else is just background noise? Because if you have, you wouldn't think cheating is no big deal.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

DA

Dude, I totally disagree with the OP, but even I think that sounds obsessive and unhealthy. :/

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

It's painfully obvious that you haven't been in a meaningful relationship and shouldn't talk about these kinds of things unless you have some experience with them.

Also cheaters gonna cheat, kids or not. How can you not understand the strength of a bond between partners but think that KIDS of all things will be the glue that binds them together?

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

I don't agree that ayrt has never been in a meaningful relationship. But I do agree that kids shouldn't be the only thing that binds a relationship together. In fact if the kids are the one thing holding you together you've got a real problem.

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

Because if you're sleeping with/otherwise being intimate with someone else and THEN saying "all right so we're not compatible bye" to your partner, you're doing it in the wrong order.

When you enter a closed relationship, you're in a (usually not written) contract to be faithful to that person. Cheating breaks that person's trust. And cheating can still hurt someone's self-worth even if they're not that attached to their partner.

Re: unpopular opinions

[darkmanifest]

The only reason cheating infuriates me is when it comes to STIs. If I wanted to run the risk of picking up whatever your thing on the side is carrying, I wouldn't be in a monogamous relationship. So I can understand the rage when you trust a long-term lover enough ditch the condoms, and they reward that trust with herpes or HIV for absolutely no good reason.

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

To me that's just double the awful. Cheating is horrible enough to begin with, but giving your partner an STD? There just aren't words. Fuck anyone who is that negligent.

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

Cheating on a SO is bad because of the emotional betrayal going on. The cheater is basically taking all your trust and feelings you invested with them and going "this is worthless to me".

Imagine if your best friend backstabbed you in a horrendous way, or your mom told you she didn't love you. SO or not, these types of close relationships carry an emotional intimacy. And when someone in that relationship shows that they don't give a shit about your well being or your feelings, it hurts. This is not a hard concept to understand. And it doesn't make someone "psychotically attached".

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I hate to be the devil's advocate here, but did you think that maybe your lack of enthusiasm and attachment in the relationship is what encouraged your ex to stray in the first place? It was a dick move for him to do it, but if you really do believe you don't need someone to make you happy, then what reason would he have to stay? People need to feel needed, and if they're not getting that from their SO then they'll end the relationship to get it elsewhere. In your case, it seems your crappy ex did that by cheating instead of the decent way of breaking it off with you earlier.