[ SECRET POST #2906 ]

[case]

⌈ Secret Post #2906 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 01 pages, 021 secrets from Secret Submission Post #415.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Comments

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

I would never date someone I knew had cheated, no matter what excuses they might have had for it, and I think it's a scummy thing to do, but I tend to agree wrt shorter term relationships. Like, you dated someone for a few weeks/months and never progressed to living with them or whatever, it's probably not a good idea to be so wrapped up in them at that point.

On the other hand I definitely don't agree when talking about longer-term, more serious relationships. There's a reason divorce is as stressful as losing a close family member. You're finding out that not only did someone you trust and love NOT love you, they were actively lying to you and cared so little about your feelings that they didn't feel any remorse in doing something that would hurt you. On top of that, you're suddenly having to figure out housing arrangements, splitting your finances after a period of relying on combined incomes, etc. If you had any shared friendships, those will suddenly be changed/gone, you have to deal with family bullshit, there's all kinds of things that happen when someone cheats beyond the betrayal.

As for ruining someone's self-esteem, of course it would! Most people have next to no self-esteem to begin with and even things like getting fired from a dead-end job can wreck someone. The act of cheating is basically saying "your feelings and well-being are worthless to me." It's an easy jump from that to "you aren't worth anything."

Re: unpopular opinions

[(Anonymous)]

The act of cheating is basically saying "your feelings and well-being are worthless to me."

Exactly, thank you. I honestly worry about the empathy level of anyone who can't figure this much out.

Re: unpopular opinions

[diet_poison]

I wouldn't date someone who I knew had cheated, because the chances he'd cheat on me would be MUCH higher than otherwise.

I do agree that if it's a shorter-term relationship, it's less devastating, but any number of other things are also less devastating. I had a short-term bf and a long-term bf pull similar pretending-I-don't-exist anymore stunts, and the former hurt me a lot less in the long run because I wasn't as attached to him - though the visceral hurt when it first happened was more or less the same. Recovery was just much easier and faster (and I'm glad he showed his true colors after two weeks, I honestly feel like I dodged a bullet with him).