fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2945 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2945 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

__________________________________________________

02.

[Not a Harem Heaven, It's a Yandere Hell]

__________________________________________________

03.

[Game of Thrones]

__________________________________________________

04.

[In the Flesh]

__________________________________________________

05.

[Hudson Leick as Callisto in Xena, Warrior Princess]

__________________________________________________

06.

[Plebcomics]

__________________________________________________

07.

[Great British Bake Off]

__________________________________________________

08.

[Captain America: The First Avenger]

__________________________________________________

09.

[Binan Koukou Chikyuu Bouei-bu LOVE!]

__________________________________________________

10.

[Queen]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 02 pages, 048 secrets from Secret Submission Post #421.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

There's a guy I've been seeing for a bit, and he's recently been really asking me to stay over for the night, and mentions that it gets lonely sleeping alone. So far I've been giving reasons why I can't do it; early morning next day, something I have to do back at home, etc., but the truth of the matter is I just don't want to do it. At all, or hopefully hardly ever.I like sleeping alone, I have trouble sleeping and I'm sensitive to things and like things being the perfect temperature and darkness and things. I also don't want to cuddle when I'm trying to sleep, and I don't want to wake up somewhere that's not my place, and I look bad in the morning and don't have all the morning things I need there with me. I've occasionally stayed over at a friend's place, but we're really close, and I still don't like doing that either.
So question. Am I being selfish and unfair about it? :( I know for most people staying the night is a big and intimate thing, and a relationship would be lacking without it. I also feel that it's douche-y when I leave after sex (I do stay to cuddle for as long as possible, I'm not totally horrible). Should I try to make an effort of staying some nights?
This is my first serious-ish relationship, so I'm not knowledgeable about a lot of stuff.

My thought would be that you should say this stuff to him and see what he thinks.

But that said, I don't know the fellow, and I'm hardly more experienced at relationships than you, so take that with a grain of salt.

I agree that you should talk to him about it. Saying that you'll maybe do it some other time when you have no intention to is more unfair. Just tell him what your reasons are, explain that it's not negotiable, and if it ends up being a dealbreaker than honestly it's better that you both know early on.

But it's not unfair to not want to do that.

IA.

And also, I would say... maybe people are going to call me a piece of shit, but be open to ways of trying to figure out compromises that are comfortable for everyone involved, I guess?

Is it sleepovers he wants, or sex? Either way, you should probably be honest with him about your personal sleeping preferences, though you should also be prepared for him to suggest sleeping over with you more often, if that's possible.

All relationships need compromise. Would you be willing to sleep over at his place more often if some of the conditions (light/darkness/temperature) were adjusted to suit you more?

The OP said in the comment that they're already having sex so I'm guessing that's not an issue.

I don't think you're being douchey or selfish, but I think you should be honest about it with him. I like sleeping alone as well and several couples in my family either sleep in separate rooms or separate beds because, well, we're a people who just like their space. When you tell him, just make sure to stress that you care about him and your desire to sleep alone has no reflection on your feelings towards him. I don't think you should feel obligated to make an effort of staying some nights, but it might be nice unless it's just unbearable for you.

It's not douch-y per se, but it's very particular and something that you differ in from a lot of people. Your guy will probably have no idea this is even an issue.I think you probably owe it to him to at least tell him up from where he stands with you.

Nope. It's not selfish. Get it out in the open as soon as possible.

My partner is exactly the same way- can't sleep with someone in the same room, and we spent way too many years of her being angry and unrested in the morning trying to figure this out.

Nah, it's reasonable. I know some couples who sleep in separate beds for precisely this reason. They are happy and love each other, they just don't like sleeping together. No big!

It's not horribly selfish but you do need to talk to him about it, I'm similar to you(don't like sharing beds much) but I also can't stand touching people or being touched and it's one of the things that me and my bf have had to negotiate on over the years to get to a compromise that we're both happy with.

Echoing everyone who says that you should talk to him about it, because not doing so is unfair to him. Communication is key.

I agree with everybody who's saying you should just tell him.

I am a terrible bedfellow. Only now, approaching two decades of sleeping in the same bed, do I feel utterly at ease at sharing a bed with my husband. We frequently sleep in separate beds if one or the other of us is restless or sick or snoring, though. It's not that uncommon, I think.

I do think some kind of compromise might work sometimes. Could you sleep in his guest room or on his couch? then you could wake up have breakfast together or whatever.

I think the selfish part is giving excuse after excuse. It's ok to not want to spend the night with someone, but tell him why. You don't have to give him a laundry list of the reasons, but just say you're not comfortable or ready, and you don't know when you would be.

Try going over at different times of day. Maybe you could go for a walk or movie afterwards, instead of coming at night and leaving before morning? Cook a meal? In other words, there are other things you can do that are intimate, without having to stay the night. If you like him and the relationship, work with him to find those things.

Like everyone already said, talk about it with him. Even if this wasn't a serious relationship, you're not doing anyone any favours by saying, "maybe next time," when there is no comfortable maybeing about it. He's asking for a physical intimacy here, and that's not necessarily having to do with sex so much as it is just a regular social want/need. Your wants/needs are just as important too, so it's a good idea to know what exactly is on the table here that has to stay, and if this is going to be a dealbreaker if it's not.

I'm a bit similar to you, except I love sharing a bed and cuddling the fuck out of people and pillows while I sleep. But if I were to pick between sleeping alone, or sharing a bed, and can only stick with that for the rest of my life? I'll sleep alone thanks, now let's call dibs on who gets the bed.

Gee I wish I had that problem where a guy wants me to stay with him the night. :/ Aaaaaah life sucks.

[ SECRET POST #2945 ]

Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?

Re: Am I being selfish/unfair?