fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2949 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2949 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

[Persona 4]

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03.

[Howl's Moving Castle]

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[True Detective]

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[Homestuck]

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[Jane the Virgin]

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08.

(Transformers Armada)

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12.

[Hannibal - Richard Armitage/Lee Pace]

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15. [ SPOILERS for Into the Woods ]

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16. [ SPOILERS for Dragon Age ]

Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 00 pages, 000 secrets from Secret Submission Post #421.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 1 - not!secrets ], [ 1 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

This is not right. I know this is wrong. but there is a part of me that when I hear about a man being raped by a women, there is a part of me that can't help but think it's just not as big a deal.

Yep. That's a pretty huge double standard, anon.

Probably best to examine why you feel that way and ask yourself how you can change that perception, not to jump on any privilege-checking trains.

I know why it is. Males are not physically invaded, so the feeling of violation has to be less. Maybe not how it really works but it just seems logical to me.

But.. you can't know that for sure. Plenty of female on male rape involves anal insertions and other fucked up things. And even if it doesn't, the psychological violation is equal regardless of whether or not someone is being penetrated.

Why is being penetrated more traumatizing than being forced to penetrate someone? I guess there's more potential for pain but I don't think that matters in terms of the sense of violation and shame involved.

By this logic, as long as there is minimal physical damage rape isn't all that bad.

There are plenty of ways a guy could be physically invaded though. Plus, does this mean a woman who is sexually assaulted but not penetrated has less claim to being assaulted? If, for example, she was "merely" undressed and grouped? That could still be a pretty traumatic event! I realize you intellectually recognize your feelings are somewhat biased, but I think there's more common ground then you think.

Edited 2015-01-31 02:08 (UTC)

If you feel like jackhammering that bullshit idea, I recommend shotgunning books and blogs written by male survivors and really, really listening to what they have to say. Because seriously, believing that ANY kind of rape is 'not as big a deal' is really sucky. *is a male survivor, and has male survivor relatives*

You're a Male?

really did not see that coming.

Yeah, I get that a lot.

--Rogan

My friend is a female-on-male rape victim. He doesn't think it's a big deal.

na

there are also women who have been raped that don't think it's a "big deal" because their husband did it to them and they think that it's just part of being married and something they need to put up with, therefore making it not "real" rape. it's an attitude that's thankfully been fading out (although marital rape wasn't illegal in every state until 1993, so it's taking a while). just because some victims are fucked over by societal conceptions about what constitutes as being a "real" rape victim doesn't mean that it's not a big deal

Yeah, but do you think it's right to teach people who are obviously not bothered by traume, to feel trauma? I suppose if I tried very hard, I could hammer into my friend's head that he was brutalized and should suffer terror and flashbacks for the rest of his life, but I doubt he would thank me for that.

There is no easy answer to that. If a man tells me he was raped and is traumatized by it, I will believe him of course. But I won't assume that a man is traumatized after learning that something like this happened to him.

ayrt

No, I think that would be cruel. Even if I believe that someone's rape was a travesty, I think it would be senseless and harmful to force them to believe that they should be traumatized. When you made your original comment, I thought you brought up your example as a way to give evidence to the idea that female on male rape is inherently not as harmful as other types of rape, and I apologize for misconstruing your intent.

I see. No, I don't think any kind of rape if inherently more or less traumatic than any other. Trauma is a very personal thing. But I think that due to the way culture is constructed around rape and sexuality in general, men are less likely to feel traumatized by a nonviolent rape by a female assailant, so I'd wait to hear what a victim has to say before I start offering them words of comfort and the like.

I'm glad your friend feels that way, but your friend is not the universe. I've got female-on-male rape victim friends where it WAS a big deal for them.

--Rogan

At least you know it's wrong to think that; it's a good first step. Most likely, you, like everyone else, have absorbed a lot of societal nonsense about male and female sexuality, and that stuff really gets ground in there. It's hard to unlearn, but worth doing.

I feel the same way. I wish I hadn't, but I've met multiple male victims of rape by females, sometimes teenagers seduced by much older teachers, and none of them spoke about it like it was something traumatic to them. I can easily imagine that child victims of incest, or a particularly violent rape could be severly traumatized, though.

I think a lot of rape trauma is causedby a cultural conditioning to begin with. Women are told that sex is inherently degrading to them, while men are told that sex is inherently elevating to them, so naturally they wouldn't have the same feelings about it (the difference would be transmen, who are socialized female so they'd be taught to fear rape the way women do). But this raises the question of how could men be able to tell when they're acting sexually aggressive and it's wrong of them to do it, when the exact same things are done to them by women and it's not seen as a big deal. So perhaps, we SHOULD treat it seriously. But then again, it's probably better to let male victims remain blissfully ignorant of their rape, than to teach them to feel traumatized by it.

Yeah, it's a tough problem.

[ SECRET POST #2949 ]

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape

Re: Confession thread TW: Rape