fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2951 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2951 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

01.

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02.

[The To-Do List, Brandy/Willy]

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03.

[Avatar: Legend of Korra]

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04.

[The Amazing World of Gumball]

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05.

[Agents of Shield]

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06.

[Game of Thrones]

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07.

[Galavant]

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08.

[Soukyuu no Fafner Exodus]

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09.

[Jamie Dornan from "The Fall"]

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10.

(Neil Gaiman)

Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So I met this guy on a dating site, and he seemed nice. However, he'd only been to college for two years and had typos in a few of his emails and other stuff that indicated he wasn't as educated as me. So when someone who seemed far more my type emailed me I let that other guy go by the wayside... only for "my type" to announce he liked someone else better.

So now I feel like a snob who got punished by karma big time.

I don't think you're a snob. You just value different things than that first guy did. He isn't necessarily stupid or uneducated because he has typos. He just might not care. But, to you, putting your best foot forward and communicating in an intelligent manner is a priority. It's not for him.

Unless you think you're better than him, you're not a snob. If you looked at his emails and saw that he didn't value how he presents himself to the same degree that you do, I don't think it's a big deal that you're more attracted to someone who follows similar conventions.

DA

I think a caveat to that should be that it's no big deal as long as OP doesn't turn around and resent the second guy for doing the same thing to them. Treat others as you want to be treated.

Well, the fact that the OP dropped them because "he wasn't as educated as me" really does indicate that OP thought that they were better than that guy simply because of the level of education.

So, in my reading of the confession, OP was definitely being a snob. But I think it's good that OP realizes this.

Eh. Everyone needs a litmus for dating people. I personally wouldn't have responded to guy 1 either, because I also use that same metric when I'm deciding if I want to be friends/more with someone.

Communication is vitally important, and nothing throws up more red flags than someone who can't spell or who has poor grammar for me.

Besides, for all you know guy 1 would have been just as much of a tool anyway.

Yeah, I use that litmus too. I also find that it's relatively easy to tell the difference between typos and people who just can't spell...
The difficult thing about dating sites is that you really *have* to pick some arbitrary criteria and just weed according to those, because you don't have enough energy or hours in the day to give everyone a chance.

Communication is vitally important, and nothing throws up more red flags than someone who can't spell or who has poor grammar for me.

If somebody gets their message across, they've successfully communicated. It has nothing to do with how good their spelling and grammar is. Somebody can have excellent spelling and grammar and still be unable to communicate what they really mean.

Well sure, but let's not pretend that grammar and punctuation play no role whatsoever in someone's ability to communicate well. That seems a little disingenuous.

Falling in love with the first nice-looking guy who's kind to me. First because they're usually taken or gay. Second because when the guy is someone you work with you run the risk of making things awkward if he ever learns about it.

I really don't think you should be using typos as a warning sign that someone is not intelligent or uneducated. Many people do not pay attention to how they're typing when it's in a casual setting, and I've known the most brilliant people to act like complete dumbasses online (because they do it on purpose.)

I don't think it's unreasonable to want someone on or near your level, but how much college someone has completed is also not always a great indicator of that. I have a masters but I know people who never even completed college who are far more knowledgeable then I am.

Basically, I think you should probably get to know people better before making such judgements, but I don't think it's wrong to not want to continue communication once you know for sure.

You never met, so it's really not that big of a karma blow. Yeah, he might have been amazing in person, or you could have kept picking up all sort of "not quite on the same wavelength" signals."

Plus some basic standards/litmus tests are good to have.

It was a bit snobby of you, yeah.

Wanting someone who has similar life experiences to yourself is not snobbish. Thinking that you are better than someone else because of those life experiences is snobbish.

You're not a snob. You just wanted something different from what guy 1 had to offer.

Eh, it happens. I'm also guilty of judging people by how well they express themselves online, and I don't think it's a crime. It isn't, however, indicative of education or lack thereof. Not anymore, at least. It's the online culture now to be a little sloppy in how you type, or to lapse into textspeak altogether, especially for people as young as college age.

You'll have to decide for yourself what your dealbreakers are in a relationship, of course. But if you regret this incident, it's not a bad idea to sit down and have a good think about what's really important vs. superficial issues. Particularly at the early getting-to-know-you stage, it doesn't hurt to be relaxed about the superficial things. Also remember that plenty of assholes write like college professors.

Next time, try to get a date with bot without letting anyone fall by the way side. You're allowed to date more than one person at once when it's still in a super-casual, first date phase. That way, you can see if they seem to have compatible intelligence levels and interests as you.

[ SECRET POST #2951 ]

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