fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2972 ]

[ SECRET POST #2972 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2972 ⌋

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Notes:

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Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
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Do you think narcissists can learn to change? How??

Maybe but only with professional help you are unlikely to find on internet forums

Yes, but they have to want to, and they probably need help. (I've heard dialectical behavioral therapy can work.)

Or if they're children, they might grow out of it.

I know one, and I have a hard time believing they could change. They're so deeply in denial about it that it would be hard to even make them realize they have a problem.

But in general, yeah. Therapy is (almost) always a good answer - or at least the best there is.

Professional counselling, medication, and a desire to change? I've heard that personality disorders are hard to change.

In my experience people only change something if it's not a part of their behavioural repertoire that rewards them.

tl;dw Narcissists rarely have the impetus to change something that generally benefits them.

Depends on the age, I guess. Teenagers are usually narcissistic, and that's understandable. They'll probably grow out of it soon enough. Twenty-somethings who are narcissistic? Not so understandable and I don't hold out much hope for them changing.

Yes and no. First there's a difference between having traits of narcissism and the pathological form (narcissistic personality disorder). So you have levels of gravity there.

Secondly, while technically they can change,the issue very often is that by their very nature they do not want to change, do not see the need for change and are happy as they are.

Serious question:

Did they go to a shrink and the shrink SAID they are a narcissist, or are you like "oh my god _____ is SUCH a narcissist" because these are very different things.

Actually, this question is about me. :( No, no diagnosis. After this thread, I think I just have narcissistic traits instead of a disorder.

Re: Narcissism

diet_poison - 2015-02-22 23:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

(Anonymous) - 2015-02-22 23:19 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

diet_poison - 2015-02-23 00:08 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

(Anonymous) - 2015-02-22 23:34 (UTC) - Expand

Why would we?

You've seen how many people in fandom make post after post about their depression and social anxiety and how terrible it is for them and how ashamed they are over every little thing they do wrong? Narcissists don't have that problem. Life is always good and you always feel good about yourself, when you're a narcissist. There is no better coping method for any shit you go through in your life than narcissism.

If you mean: can narcisissts learn to not be dicks to other people? Sure! Ain't that hard to be generous, when life feels good and you feel good about yourself. Plus, you get to have even more reasons for smug satisfaction when you can add "good friend" and "kind to strangers" to the long list of your virtues.

you are a horrifying person and I hope you find weevils in your cornflakes

Re: Narcissism

diet_poison - 2015-02-23 00:09 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

(Anonymous) - 2015-02-23 21:58 (UTC) - Expand

You don't sound like a narcissist. You sound like someone who is trying to sound like a narcissist, without knowing what the real personality disorder is like.

I suspect one of my brothers has the actual narcissistic personality disorder, and I would not call him a happy person.

He has his manic moments of near glee, sure, and yet... when his attitude inevitably sours his relationships (personal and work-related) it wrecks him.

It haunts him that he cannot keep a romantic partner or a job/career for too long and, while I'm not sure to what degree he is capable of genuine, selfless love, if at all, I do know him well enough to know that he feels like he's failed at life when those things happen.

It's like he does want to change, but at the same time doesn't.

Troll in the dungeon!

To run counter all of the shitty replies you're bound to get* let me just say

Life is always good and you always feel good about yourself, when you're a narcissist

Needs to be turned into a Disney musical number

*(Seriously, not even looking. betting there's a lot of talking down to you, talking like you don't matter and attempts to shame you. Easy mode, I know, this is the internet after all, but I would put this months wages on it.)

Re: Narcissism

(Anonymous) - 2015-02-23 02:04 (UTC) - Expand

Annnd you're someone who doesn't actually know what narcissistic personality disorder involves.

nope

Depends on whether you mean someone who's selfish, or someone who has Narcissistic personality disorder. If it's the former, then maybe, but ONLY if they acknowledge it's a real problem and take active steps to change. If it's the latter, then I'm afraid it's highly unlikely. People with NPD are unlikely to even seek help, because they won't acknowledge it's a problem.

Either way, I'd try to minimize contact with either type. Life is hard enough without hoping a selfish douchebag changes his/her ways, and they will certainly not change if you put up with their dickish behavior.

Depends on the narcissist, depends on the change. I'm not really sure; it's not something I know much about, and I'm really wary about getting into it. I'd like to think everyone is capable of changing for the better, though.

--Rogan

Hello, Pound Lee.

:)

I just read Aja's article about Andy Blake that was linked on FFA, and I wonder if the LB Lee quoted in that article is you. If so, do you actually know Andy or were you just asked to talk about his psychology? If not, apologies.

Also, sorry if that's a weird question.

Re: Narcissism

lb_lee - 2015-02-23 04:22 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

lunabee34 - 2015-02-23 04:33 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

lb_lee - 2015-02-23 04:42 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

lunabee34 - 2015-02-23 04:49 (UTC) - Expand

Re: Narcissism

lb_lee - 2015-02-23 05:05 (UTC) - Expand

I kinda wish people would stop posting serious questions about things other people like to pretend to be experts in online. Not for anything wrong with your comment, but all the smug superior cunts come wriggling out of the woodwork. Makes me sad.

Anyway, good luck with your shit, anon. Do as you will, but I'd speak to a doctor before letting in any voices from the internet. Of course, now I'm one of those voices, so... I dunno, Just good luck and do as you will, I guess.

Re: Narcissism

(Anonymous) - 2015-02-24 17:08 (UTC) - Expand

OP, the fact that you're self aware that you have selfish traits is an indication that you're probably don't have NPD. In fact, lots of people overuse this diagnosis where it doesn't really apply.

That being said, people with actual NPD rarely get treatment, if at all. Narcissists at their core are sociopaths. The key differences however are that narcissists have more self control to cover their antisocial traits compared to the sociopath who has less limitations due to the desperate need to find extra stimulation. Like the sociopath they have no remorse for their actions; they do not experience guilt for hurting others, although they can fake that they do. They also have a grandiose sense of self like the sociopath in where they believe they are above the rules of society (think conartists and people who make a living doing harmful illegal activities). What makes them just as or even more dangerous than a sociopath is that a sociopath will most likely have a record of criminal activity by the age of 15. The narcissist however, will not, since they value their reputation more than anything. Narcissists however much like a sociopath have no limitations on what they would be willing to do (extortion, exploitation, rape, murder) as long as they have a guarantee that they could get away with it.

Given that most NPDs do not believe they have any problems, they are most likely unable to be self aware of having the disorder. If you know someone with real NPD, I'd suggest maintaining your distance from them. Real NPDs are highly manipulative, have no qualms with lying or slandering as long as it gets them what they want, and will walk all over you until you're emotionally drained while pretending to everyone around them that you're the one with the problem. They're toxic, and unless a group of people do an intervention, they'll never change.

did some of the anon at f!s like attack other anon or user to a mindless argue consider narcissists?

That would be a really long and difficult process even with a professional. The person would really want to change themselves.

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