fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2980 ]

[ SECRET POST #2980 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2980 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Lots of multiple secrets in one comment this week, throwing off the count!

Secrets Left to Post: 04 pages, 083 secrets from Secret Submission Post #426.
Secrets Not Posted: [ 0 - broken links ], [ 0 - not!secrets ], [ 0 - not!fandom ], [ 0 - too big ], [ 0 - repeat ].
Current Secret Submissions Post: here.
Suggestions, comments, and concerns should go here.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

So I have a girlfriend and I'm super crazy in love with her and nuts about her, she's fantastic. That's not the point, the point is that she's also not my type.

I have a type! And by type I mean the kind of person that would immediately catch my eye and I normally tend to pursue or date, like all my previous girlfriends/dates before my current one definitely tended to have similarities along those lines (hobbies/looks/areas of interest, that kind of thing). My girlfriend is... none of those, but I feel like she really compliments me in other ways and just because I'm not instantly drawn to her doesn't mean I'm not interested in her.

I think we both have the same views on life and personal values, and also goals about where we want to go and how we see relationships. Those aren't things that you can tell just from someone fitting a type. And I think the fact that my girlfriend isn't my type and I'm still nuts about her shows if anything that she has something better for me than just being of a certain type would have.

Anyway both her and I are okay with this, but I into an argument with a friend who insists that I'm making my girlfriend feel bad by saying she isn't my type but I'm with her anyway or that I shouldn't be saying things like that. (Also asked girlfriend, she said she doesn't either.) Friend seems to think that I can't possibly like girlfriend as much as I liked other girls (that I broke up with) because she doesn't have a set of features that honestly to me don't matter in long term relationship outcome? I don't really get this point of view at all. Anyone else have feedback or anything? I do like Friend, I just really don't get where they're coming from.

wouldnt liking someone who isn't your type means you like them even more, enough so that you go against type liking them?

That's what I also think! And I feel like type is just initial attraction, I can't really explain what about a certain type I like, but with my girlfriend it's much easier to be like oh it's this and this BECAUSE it means this and this other thing to me. I don't really care whether she's my type or not because the attraction I feel to her is just as strong as it was with any other girl. Just, it built up over time.

I agree with all this.

My longest relationship? With someone who was SO not my type. Not a single thing about them would have normally attracted me. But we met through mutual friends, and although he wasn't my type at all physically, he made me laugh.

So hey, as long as you love your girlfriend, keep on keeping on, OP. *thumbs up*

Your friend's an idiot.

My very first "big love" was nowhere near my type. I do have a type, but it's by no means "binding".

No! Everyone has a type, and they must follow that type! It is the rules!

*sarcasm*

You're joking, but I know people who actually act this way (i.e. if you aren't (GIANT LIST OF TRAITS most of which are physical) don't bother dating them they will never see you as partner material).

Your friend is being ridiculous.

(Also asked girlfriend, she said she doesn't either.)

Of fucking COURSE she did! SHe wants you to stay.

Dude (or dudette) if you are frequently bringing up that your girlfriend isn't "your type" such that this is an issue and your friend is worried, you are probably being a douche. Cut that out.

It's cool that she isn't your normal type and you're allowed to recognize that. But nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is telling that they aren't "instantly drawn to them" or whatever. Nobody deserves to feel like you're settling for them. You are not that awesome.

Be better to her.

See this is what Friend says, and I don't get it. I'm not settling for girlfriend at all, I LIKE that she isn't my normal type because if anything to me it proves that she has something way more important to me than 'type' could be. It's not like I'm less attracted to her or settling for her (I'm lucky to be with her, if anything). I seriously don't get where this is coming from. Of course I wasn't instantly drawn to her the first time we met, this doesn't mean I'm not hugely into her now.

Also I'm not constantly bringing up that she's not my type. Friend has known me for a long time and observed that Girlfriend wasn't like the other girls that I was with before. I said all of the above, and then they went off like you did and I really do not get it. It doesn't matter and doesn't come up between Girlfriend and I- I remarked on it once early on, but that was about it.

You asked her if it was okay, though. That's bringing it up. Are you sure that was "about it?" Because your posts make that suspect.

Yes, I'm sure that was about it. I'm not asking for anything relating to Girlfriend, that was more of a "hey Friend is making some weird comments, does this bother you? No? Okay cool" thing. It's never been an issue between us, OUR relationship is good.

Friend is someone I've reconnected with recently but who's known me for way longer. I'd like to continue having a good relationship with them, but I'm not really into the insinuations about how I can't possibly care for girlfriend just based on her not being my type. It's Friend's issue here that I'm confused about how to handle, really. How do I explain to someone who feels that type is important that it isn't really?

Yeah, but your reactions to the insinuations is to seek approval... anonymously. On a forum. Do you understand that?

I don't know your situation, but please be introspective. Make damn sure you're not being thoughtless and insulting her by accident, okay?

The fact that you brought it up at all might make her think you do have your doubts.

Look, it might really not be a big deal to her now, but that's the sort of thing that you revisit during rough moments of your life and relationships, trying to see if the other person (in this case, you) meant something else when they said that.

Don't give her room for doubts that you like her, OP, is what your friend is trying to tell you.

Yeah see, I agree with this. Although you may mean well, your friend may be concerned about the idea that you may one day stumble upon someone who is your 'type' and fulfills everything you've ever desired in a girl which could potentially lead you to straying away from your girlfriend.

The only person who ever talked to me like this was also the worst boyfriend I've ever had (not saying you are male, just giving an anecdote). Constantly talked about other girl 'types' noticing them and complimenting them when he was with me. And if I said anything, it would make me feel like a needy jerk so I let him do it. I didn't realize at the time that there were other guys out there who would treat me much better than that.

In any case it's kind of a left-handed compliment to say that. It's almost like saying you are settling, or that you never thought you could be with someone who isn't your type. The point isn't that this doesn't happen to everyone, it does, but to say so and to do it repeatedly is a great way to slowly erode away someone's self-confidence.

Actually, it's almost like you are complimenting yourself instead. Like patting yourself on the back for 'going out of your comfort zone' so to speak. You may mean well but please stop saying this to your girl.

Uh, you can have more than one type, if you feel the need to have a type at all. Apparently you have your first type (xyz qualities) and the second type (abc qualities). People need to stop obsessing about going against "their type."

Well, as long as it's phrased as "you're not my type but you're awesome," it doesn't come across as bad, although honestly it would weird me out if someone I was dating kept mentioning how they wouldn't normally be into me at all. Like "that's so weird that you're blond and into anime when normally I go for gingers who like Tolkien." But it's still better than "normally I find people like you kind of boring or ugly, aren't you lucky I feel differently about you?"

Yeah I don't KEEP mentioning it or anything, this is just something that came up recently when I ran into Friend and was talking about Girlfriend. Between Girlfriend and I it's a total non-issue (at most it's "I'm so glad we decided to try this out because it's worked out so well so far"). It's more "how do I answer Friend", really.

I don't know. It seems like you mean well, but I would get kind of insecure if my SO constantly brought up how I wasn't their type.

I'd say your friend has a point. Talking about types once or twice is sweet. Talking about it more than a few times isn't good.

It's cool if your girlfriend is fine with it, but I'm a bit puzzled as to why this would come up on a regular basis? You love your girlfriend, so what the point of negging her even if she's fine with it and you mean well? ("Those pants are ugly, but they look good on you!")

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

[ SECRET POST #2980 ]

Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!