fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2980 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2980 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Lots of multiple secrets in one comment this week, throwing off the count!

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(Also asked girlfriend, she said she doesn't either.)

Of fucking COURSE she did! SHe wants you to stay.

Dude (or dudette) if you are frequently bringing up that your girlfriend isn't "your type" such that this is an issue and your friend is worried, you are probably being a douche. Cut that out.

It's cool that she isn't your normal type and you're allowed to recognize that. But nobody deserves to be in a relationship with someone who is telling that they aren't "instantly drawn to them" or whatever. Nobody deserves to feel like you're settling for them. You are not that awesome.

Be better to her.

See this is what Friend says, and I don't get it. I'm not settling for girlfriend at all, I LIKE that she isn't my normal type because if anything to me it proves that she has something way more important to me than 'type' could be. It's not like I'm less attracted to her or settling for her (I'm lucky to be with her, if anything). I seriously don't get where this is coming from. Of course I wasn't instantly drawn to her the first time we met, this doesn't mean I'm not hugely into her now.

Also I'm not constantly bringing up that she's not my type. Friend has known me for a long time and observed that Girlfriend wasn't like the other girls that I was with before. I said all of the above, and then they went off like you did and I really do not get it. It doesn't matter and doesn't come up between Girlfriend and I- I remarked on it once early on, but that was about it.

You asked her if it was okay, though. That's bringing it up. Are you sure that was "about it?" Because your posts make that suspect.

Yes, I'm sure that was about it. I'm not asking for anything relating to Girlfriend, that was more of a "hey Friend is making some weird comments, does this bother you? No? Okay cool" thing. It's never been an issue between us, OUR relationship is good.

Friend is someone I've reconnected with recently but who's known me for way longer. I'd like to continue having a good relationship with them, but I'm not really into the insinuations about how I can't possibly care for girlfriend just based on her not being my type. It's Friend's issue here that I'm confused about how to handle, really. How do I explain to someone who feels that type is important that it isn't really?

Yeah, but your reactions to the insinuations is to seek approval... anonymously. On a forum. Do you understand that?

I don't know your situation, but please be introspective. Make damn sure you're not being thoughtless and insulting her by accident, okay?

The fact that you brought it up at all might make her think you do have your doubts.

Look, it might really not be a big deal to her now, but that's the sort of thing that you revisit during rough moments of your life and relationships, trying to see if the other person (in this case, you) meant something else when they said that.

Don't give her room for doubts that you like her, OP, is what your friend is trying to tell you.

Yeah see, I agree with this. Although you may mean well, your friend may be concerned about the idea that you may one day stumble upon someone who is your 'type' and fulfills everything you've ever desired in a girl which could potentially lead you to straying away from your girlfriend.

The only person who ever talked to me like this was also the worst boyfriend I've ever had (not saying you are male, just giving an anecdote). Constantly talked about other girl 'types' noticing them and complimenting them when he was with me. And if I said anything, it would make me feel like a needy jerk so I let him do it. I didn't realize at the time that there were other guys out there who would treat me much better than that.

In any case it's kind of a left-handed compliment to say that. It's almost like saying you are settling, or that you never thought you could be with someone who isn't your type. The point isn't that this doesn't happen to everyone, it does, but to say so and to do it repeatedly is a great way to slowly erode away someone's self-confidence.

Actually, it's almost like you are complimenting yourself instead. Like patting yourself on the back for 'going out of your comfort zone' so to speak. You may mean well but please stop saying this to your girl.

[ SECRET POST #2980 ]

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Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

Re: Types? Ideals? Ideal types?!!

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