fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #2993 ]

⌈ Secret Post #2993 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

Secrets Left to Post: 05 pages, 123 secrets from Secret Submission Post #428.
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Or bi but with enough of a bias toward my own gender that it would functionally look the same.

However my ex treated me badly and cheated on me constantly and if I come out, everyone's going to assume he had a good excuse. Including my family.

So I can't come out. That asshole is keeping me in the closet even after dumping me.

Is it really worth that? Letting this asshole you used to see, and letting the assholes in your own family, do that to you?

It actually might be. I'm at a point where I can't really see anyone--program's ending too soon and I might move. The LGBT community doesn't seem welcoming to women who come out late, ESPECIALLY if they identify as bi, and I'm not exactly good at socializing with new groups anyway. So I'd be making things harder for myself without any net gain or support.

I know that goes against the dominant narrative right now but that's where I am.

I totally understand if OP wants to wait a bit (it sounds like they've been through some heavy relationship drama and might need some time to heal), but if you want to come out you should.

We don't know your whole situation, but you shouldn't have to stay in the closet indefinitely. (Especially if doing so is making you miserable.)

Not to say I don't also get wanting to stay in the closet because your family are judgmental, but...you should do what's going to make you happy.

I hope things work out for you (either way)!

The thing is a judgmental family would

I want to make it clear: I'm not worried about them judging me for being into women. I think mom would be grossed out but she doesn't think it's immoral or anything. I'm worried about being judged for having somehow misled this dude, when I was actually in love and faithful. What I'm risking here is people thinking I'm the horrible jerk, not the traditional fear of coming out and being rejected.

If this guy had never been a part of my life, there's a very good chance I'd be at least out to my in-person friends. I actively stayed in the closet so our relationship wouldn't be questioned. Meanwhile he didn't even attempt to keep his pants on, and the irony isn't lost on me.

I'm in a weird situation because I'm over that relationship (not how it ended, but the relationship) but still shackled to the lame decisions I made within it.

I definitely see why you don't want them to believe you misled this guy, but it's pretty screwed up that they would jump to that conclusion. It doesn't sound like you can win with them (from what you say it doesn't matter when or what exactly you tell them) so I say do what makes you happy.

But it's your choice, so I hope you find a way to be open to them and that they don't blame you for something you didn't do.

Nah. Fuck the law. You can come out and be like, "It wasn't you, but the shit you put me through made me realize what I want and need to be happy."

If your family assumes different, fuck them too.

I really can't just say "fuck it" to my family's opinion. They're the only people I can rely on to keep me--friends tend to stop talking to me after a couple years.

They wouldn't reject me if they found out or anything. They'd just lose a little respect for me because they'd think I'd been keeping this poor moron around as a beard, when I wasn't. Hell, I was doing things for him sexually I didn't even like.

I think you might be overestimating that reaction.

That's the funny thing about coming out... you really can't tell how someone will take it until you do. The people you would expect to be just fine with it are often not, and the people you might expect to react poorly are often just fine.

I get your hesitation but I hope you don't feel indefinitely pressured to stay quiet just for the sake of asshole opinions.

You could always put a few months between now and coming out so people don't make the connection as easily?

Good luck, whatever you decide to do.

You could always put a few months between now and coming out so people don't make the connection as easily?

People will always do that though.

It just sucks. At this point I'm considering just going with bi (it's not inaccurate) and then inflating my attraction to guys. I don't actually have to date any guys to pretend to like them more than I do.

Hm, well if you do think you are bi, just with a preference for women, you could say that? It doesn't sound like you weren't initially attracted to your ex, just that the relationship didn't work out.

Honestly if you say "I'm bi, I like women more but men sometimes" and people draw weird conclusions between that and breaking up with an asshole ex, that's just...stupid.

Again, though, do what makes you comfortable. I'm straight so take my two cents with a heavy chunk of salt.

So come out, and blame your former lover for turning you gay. Throw it back on them. Talk freely, regardless of audience, about how you used to love het-sex and then mention that after former!lover did [something incredibly gross/stupid/painful] due to their grossness that you can never appreciate it again. That you just had to go gay after them.

Honestly, they will never live down being the person that was so bad at sex and relationships that they turned you gay (even though it totally doesn't work like that, we know). Best revenge.

Ha! You have absolutely no idea how tempting this is. Especially since I half wonder my attraction to guys has all but dissipated because I associate dicks with him.

The thing is I don't want to perpetuate that idea, you know? Acting like he made me gay can make it look like some kind of kinder dick can save me.

And I don't want to give that jackass any more influence over my life than I have to. Loving him in the first place, and for so long, is probably the worst mistake I'll ever make. I don't want to give him that kind of credit. He's enough of a white knight type that he'd probably start thinking he did me a favor.

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