fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3006 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3006 ⌋

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I'm going to break with an old friend and effectively leaving her without anyone. I do feel bad about that, but on the other hand I'm really not surprised that everyone else up and left, with all the drama and badmouthing.

Went home to her and her family last november, to catch up. The husband was scheduled to work early the next day, so he went to bed around 10pm.
Then she started to unload on me how husband is an alcoholic and about what a disaster their marriage is and that she has no one other than me as her parents moved to Portugal and the relation to the in-laws is tense at best.
I do whatever I can, talking of counseling and/or divorce, building a "net" of support.

Then she goes to harp on the fact that I and my metamours carry the polyheart and our primary partner doesn't. That it is unfair and "he doesn't love you enough if he can't wear the symbol of our love/relationship". This comes from the person who throws her wedding ring in the trash every time she has a fight with the husband.
I kept telling her that the physical symbol doesn't matter, because he's open about our way of doing relationships to the point of almost being evangelical. Almost.

When she couldn't win that argument, she started to rant about how "Transformers aren't real and that Optimus Prime will never love me and..." Just WTF?! I know it's fiction! Besides, what the hell did that have to do with anything?!
This was then followed by a loud argument about whether humans could win against the entire Con army without help. She claimed we would, I argued that we'd be little more than a wet spot on the pavement.
That's when the husband came down and told us to shut it.

The next day she was moody, glued to the tv and all around not very pleasant. So while I said "see you later" when leaving, I just knew that I'm done. I will not go back there. Which makes me kind of a terrible friend, too.

No, I think it's the right decision. It's sad your friend is unhappy, but it doesn't give them the right to behave the way they did. I mean ffs, she was trying so hard to bring you down to her own miserable level that it was just bizarre. Who does that? You did your best, but you can't drag someone out of a hole if they're determined to stay there AND drag you in with them.

You're right, but it still feels crap to call quits on a 20-something long friendship even though the meetups were sporadic in later years.

I knew they had troubles and had noticed that the other friends had trickled off significantly, yet had no idea it was this bad.

The random out of no where needling of my person is a thing she's done quite a few times before and I've just taken it. No more.

DA, but I agree with the one you're responding to. It sucks to end longstanding relationships. I ended a friendship of 8 years long awhile back and I still feel shitty at times about it. But with things like this, there's comes a point where you have to put yourself first. That doesn't make you a bad person.

Of course I might not be the best person to say this because I truly believe some people just aren't fucking worth it. But I still say it was the best decision for you to leave. No matter how much someone is in a terrible situation, it's still shitty if they try and drag you down with them. And in this case, that's what it sounded like your friend was trying to do.

AYRT

Thank you and I'm sorry you had to go through dumping a friend, too.

I try and comfort myself with the idea that some things just HAVE to end, lest you be in a situation you can never get out of. I hope she doesn't try roping you back in, that happened to me. I know it's hard to end things and thinking you're a terrible person is common, but you're not. Hugs if you want them! Best of luck to you.

Hugs are always good. You too.

That's normal, people hate giving up on relationships even when they're slightly toxic. But I really do think it's for the best and obviously no coincidence that her other friends have called it quits one by one. If you're feeling really generous, I'd level with her about how her behavior is rude and alienating, pointing out that it's damaging your friendship and she needs to stop. But to be honest, very few people react well to this so there's little chance she's going to own up to being a jerk and suddenly do better. THAT'S why people just bail.

Good luck, I've got a 'friend' I need to do this with to. I'm the last person their friends with and I've tried warning them that they're burning bridges but it's not getting through.

Sometimes it is just time to cut those ties.

Thank you. That part about being the last friend they've got sucks so bad. Then again, they made their bed and now they have to lie in it.
Good luck to you too.

this comment is beautiful

you're a hero, anon

I don't feel like much of a hero. She's an ass, but it doesn't feel right to kick her when she's down. Then again, I know that I need to leave.

[ SECRET POST #3006 ]

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