fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3006 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3006 ⌋

Warning: Some secrets are NOT worksafe and may contain SPOILERS.

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Notes:

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Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

I wish it were easier to confront people over clearly no longer giving a shit about you and asking what you did wrong without sounding whiny.

I'm not even mad at this person. i just want to know why I no longer matter.

This most likely won't help, but it might not be personal in the way you're thinking. (Don't get me wrong, it could, but since I don't know...)

If this person is dealing with a lot of difficult shit IRL then they may have a difficult time connecting to anyone; it might not just be you they're pushing away or neglecting.

AYRT - Thanks! Honestly, I don't think that's quite it. I do think that she went through a series of rough times one after the other, and it left her a little more jaded than when we first became friends. So some of it's probably related to that. But I also think we're just so removed from each other's lives now, and she's one of those people who just... moves on. It just sucks when I tell her something bad that happened and she doesn't even bother to tell me "I'm sorry to hear that" or anything.

Okay, that last part sounds rough. (And frankly rude. Did you tell her via text or IM or something? I suppose she could have got busy and forgot to reply, but of course when you're going through something and need support that doesn't lessen the blow. If she's truly decided she just doesn't care you're better off without her.)

But I also think we're just so removed from each other's lives

I have a friendship like that too, with someone I've known roughly half my life. We don't have much in common anymore and have difficulty finding anything to discuss. It IS natural for people to drift apart as things change and sometimes there isn't much stopping that, but if both people still care and want to salvage the relationship you have to put some effort into it. If you're doing your part and she isn't doing hers then it won't work.

Maybe you should try to talk to her about it? As awkward as the conversation might be, it might get things moving along.

I've thought about saying something, but honestly, I'm not sure how much good it would do. Or where I would even begin.

You could maybe ask, “Hey, have you been okay? You seem different lately.” She could take it as an insult, but she might just be glad someone is concerned.

But you might be right, you can never know how a person is going to react or if your efforts will make any difference. The only thing you can do (If you want) is try

I know exactly what you mean and it's so, so frustrating. I hate having to play the game of "Oh, this person is acting annoyed at me, I guess I must have done something wrong, better back off for a while." I mean, I'm good at playing it, at this point, but it's such a frustrating thing to have to do.

It's hard because confronting someone like that is pointless. Your only reason for wanting it is because you're under the impression it will give you closure or something, but it won't. Best case scenario, it just makes the other person uncomfortable and they STILL won't be honest with you because nobody wants to be that brutally honest with a person who's not socially savvy enough to do this. Worst case scenario, they'll actually tell you (if they're a jerk) and they might be right and you won't feel any better about it.

So yes, resist the urge. Channel your frustration into something that's productive rather than rubbing salt into your own wounds.

nah, fuck that. I'd wanna know. IF they can't answer you, there is that answer right there: they don't think you are worth the bother which means they aren't worth yours. If it turns out they actually have a reason that's a flaw about you, at least you know what's up with you now.

Sure, but most people won't answer you even if they know what's wrong and if they do answer you, you'd have to trust that their assessment is accurate and not at all tainted by any subjectivity on their part seeing as how they've left a messy relationship. I'm going to stick with my opinion: not worth it. If you want to know what went wrong, ask a sensible friend, not someone who just ditched you for Reasons.

[ SECRET POST #3006 ]

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