fandomsecrets | [ SECRET POST #3045 ]

⌈ Secret Post #3045 ⌋

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Someone called sandvich posted this on Oh No They Didn't in response to "Love the sinner, hate the sin."

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There are so many people in my family who say that shit and it's like...my 'sin' is a huge part of my identity. It influences my thoughts, my experiences, my personality — if I were not gay, I would not be me. If you reject that part of my life, you're rejecting me, period. You can't just slice people into neat little pieces and pick the parts of them you like best.

Unless you're, like, Hannibal Lecter. But that's a little different.

I think it's weird that people think they can decide whether or not someone else loves them better than the person themselves can. I hate some things my friends and family do, and if they quoted that post to me I'd say... sorry you think that, but I still love you?

The person being "loved" may not be as good a judge as the person "loving," but I don't think either can be relied on 100%. I remember when that transgirl killed herself and the mother talked about how "I loved my son."

It's not so much a question of whether or not Person A's love is genuine, but of whether or not the person they love really....exists. Does Person A love Person B, or a mental version of Person B with the "bad parts" cut out? For Person B, it's always going to feel like the latter.

Let me give you an example. My mother says she loves me, but what she loves...isn't me. She loves this imaginary me that she wishes I was, and whenever I don't fit into that mold, she gets angry and resentful and yells at me for not being what she wants. Is her personal belief that she loves me more important than the fact that her actions say she doesn't?

Sometimes people have a really skewed concept of love, though. My aunt would swear before a court of law that she loves her son more than anything in the world. This would be the same son she neglected as a child, then passed off like a hot potato to his father and grandparents because she was dating a guy who didn't like kids. The same son who had to work his way through college because she spent all her money on stuff for herself and didn't have a dime to contribute to his education. The same son she whines about not seeing enough... unless she's busy or has something better to do, and then all of a sudden she doesn't miss him anymore.

But if you asked her, she'd look you straight in the eye and tell you how much she loves him. She'd mean it with every bone in her body and she'd be deeply hurt and offended if you suggested her actions don't seem particularly loving or even considerate.

Sometimes love doesn't look like love to the person who's supposedly receiving it, if you get what I mean.

are those things you friends and family do something integral like sexuality or are you struggling to make excuses for this?

I don't feel compelled to accept the "love" of people who reject a fundamental part of me. Especially if they use that "love" to prop up shitty internet arguments.

Take this outside sexuality--lots of people have claimed to "love" people they did terrible, terrible things to. I feel pretty good about deciding the person who says they abuse/hit/stalk you out of "love" does not, in fact, love you.

+10000 tbh

Yeah, that's why I haaaaaaaate that phrase. First of all, it's condescending as hell. Second, it treats someone's sexual orientation like it's a bad choice they made and by extension, could stop making if they decided to be "good". Just ugh, people. Then again, I'm an atheist and a lot of supposedly good Christian attitudes (and people around here view the whole "love the sinner hate the sin" as a tolerant attitude) really rub me the wrong way.

[ SECRET POST #3045 ]

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